"Thanks for Invite but Don't Expect Texas to ever chant SEC"

quote:

---

Thanks for Invite but Don't Expect Texas to ever chant SEC

---

quote:

---

Well, hey there, SEC.

After getting your members in line - or at least one member in particular - you've unanimously welcomed the University of Texas and the University of Oklahoma to join the greatest college football conference in the world.

I can speak for Longhorns and Sooners fans when I say that we're excited for the challenge, and obviously, we never tried to say the SEC's brand of football was overrated. Honestly, does that even sound like us?

I'm also here to warn you: All the bad stuff the remnants of the Big 12 have tried to tell you about Texas is true. The arrogance flows through the veins as smoothly as Walter Cronkite's dulcet tones every time that burnt orange commercial airs: "We're Texas. What starts here changes the world."

But, hey there, fella - you might ask - isn't your football team kind of in the dumps?

We're Texas.

You'll find, that's the non-answer to your every inquiry.

Why does the SEC need the Longhorns?

We're Texas.

Why do you fire your coach every three years?

We're Texas.

Why is Whataburger so tasty and their buildings so orange?

We're Texas.

Got it? Good.

Because of that, you should also know: We'll never fill the stadium with that "S-E-C!" chant. Never, ever, ever.

We might make an exception on Oct 9 when the Longhorns and Sooners convene at the Cotton Bowl, because there's not much else those 90,000 fans are going to agree on except that corny dogs and a cold beer make for a delicious breakfast. Sadly, that doesn't fit neatly into a chant.

We also swear to never call into The Paul Finebaum Show, or maybe we will, but we won't do it to brag about poisoning another school's storied oak trees. We won't bow at the altar of Clay Travis. And, we won't ever root for the rest of y'all just because all our jerseys are emblazoned with the same conference patch.

It's just not in us. Ask Texas Tech, Baylor and TCU. It's a lot of work looking out for No. 1, and that just doesn't leave much time to look out for anyone else.

You know what Texas fans do when Oklahoma makes the College Football Playoff? They root for the Sooners to get embarrassed. They usually oblige, and there is great joy to be had in that. You know what Texas did when Texas Tech's basketball team made it to their first Final Four? Rooted for Virginia, then hired away the Red Raiders' coach as quickly as possible.

That kind of narcissistic attitude isn't easily cured by a conference switch or Texas-sized barrels of extra cash.

Take solace in that, Alabama. By adding Texas, you're not adding another team that's going to pound its chest about your victories. You're better than everybody and you'll probably run off with several more national titles. When you do, you won't have to worry about anyone in Texas who isn't wearing maroon trying to take credit for those wins.

The SEC is really good. Texas football is more likely to go 8-5 more years than it will go 11-2. It's fine. One of those wins will be a big one and everyone will be told "We're back." And, then Texas will lose a couple in a row and you'll obnoxiously ask, "So, is Texas back or nah?," and then Texas will fire the coach and say "We're back" again.

It's a never-ending cycle you should prepare yourself for now. At least you won't have to pretend to root for Texas, because it won't be rooting for you.

---