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What Would You Do In This Situation?
Posted on 7/11/21 at 4:01 pm
Posted on 7/11/21 at 4:01 pm
One of my best friends “Carla” (31f) is getting married soon. It’s only meant to be a small backyard type of wedding but they’ve been planning it for a few months now and originally it was supposed to be on my property. They wanted it because it’s private, has lots of open space for the reception, a nice view and the house could be used for them to get ready and stuff. Of course I said yes, she and her fiancé “Rick” were very happy. Thing is Carla and I do have a history. We went out on & off in college but decided to stay friends. Then I met my girlfriend, Carla met Rick and now here they are.
Now my girlfriend knows I went out with Carla back in college and she didn’t care. I never knew if Rick was told or not, it’s not my relationship therefore not my business to say anything so I never did. Rick found out recently and not in the best way. Not sure how but from what I heard from friends is that one mutual friend told him (no idea why) we used to date. Not only that but apparently Carla said a couple years ago she was still in love with me when she was already dating Rick. Don’t have actual confirmation if that’s exactly what he was told. All Carla’s told me is that Rick was told about our past and he’s angry at her for never saying anything.
It became quite a drama and didnt hear from her for over a month until now. She told me they’re going to couples counseling and that the wedding is still on. But Rick requested that I not attend. It sucks but I totally get why he wouldn’t be comfortable. Then I asked the obvious question, where are they going to hold the wedding then? To my surprise she said they still want it at our place.
Rick said so to and in my mind I’m going “he doesn’t want the guy who dated his fiancée years ago at the wedding, but still wants the wedding at his house.” My girlfriend and I are expected to just...not be at our home that weekend, And I told Carla no. They’re going to have to find some place else since we’re not going to simply leave our home to them for the weekend. Not only for safety reasons but it just doesn’t make sense. Rick doesn’t want me around because he’s not comfortable but is comfortable enough to have their wedding at my house? They really want their wedding here though and because of that I’ve been bugged by not only her but also Rick and some friends who think I’m being a petty a-hole for not letting them have the wedding here anymore. Honestly don’t think that I am, it just doesn’t make sense at all to have to leave our own place for a wedding we’re no longer welcome to and leaving our home totally vulnerable. Still, being accused of sabotaging their wedding and Rick believes it’s the least I can do after everything.
Now my girlfriend knows I went out with Carla back in college and she didn’t care. I never knew if Rick was told or not, it’s not my relationship therefore not my business to say anything so I never did. Rick found out recently and not in the best way. Not sure how but from what I heard from friends is that one mutual friend told him (no idea why) we used to date. Not only that but apparently Carla said a couple years ago she was still in love with me when she was already dating Rick. Don’t have actual confirmation if that’s exactly what he was told. All Carla’s told me is that Rick was told about our past and he’s angry at her for never saying anything.
It became quite a drama and didnt hear from her for over a month until now. She told me they’re going to couples counseling and that the wedding is still on. But Rick requested that I not attend. It sucks but I totally get why he wouldn’t be comfortable. Then I asked the obvious question, where are they going to hold the wedding then? To my surprise she said they still want it at our place.
Rick said so to and in my mind I’m going “he doesn’t want the guy who dated his fiancée years ago at the wedding, but still wants the wedding at his house.” My girlfriend and I are expected to just...not be at our home that weekend, And I told Carla no. They’re going to have to find some place else since we’re not going to simply leave our home to them for the weekend. Not only for safety reasons but it just doesn’t make sense. Rick doesn’t want me around because he’s not comfortable but is comfortable enough to have their wedding at my house? They really want their wedding here though and because of that I’ve been bugged by not only her but also Rick and some friends who think I’m being a petty a-hole for not letting them have the wedding here anymore. Honestly don’t think that I am, it just doesn’t make sense at all to have to leave our own place for a wedding we’re no longer welcome to and leaving our home totally vulnerable. Still, being accused of sabotaging their wedding and Rick believes it’s the least I can do after everything.
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Posted on 7/11/21 at 4:12 pm to pioneerbasketball
I definitely wouldn't ask for advice here.
Say you won't be there, but show up anyway--super drunk-- and hit on Carla.
Then you won't have to see ANY of these shitty people anymore lol
Say you won't be there, but show up anyway--super drunk-- and hit on Carla.
Then you won't have to see ANY of these shitty people anymore lol
Posted on 7/11/21 at 4:17 pm to pioneerbasketball
I understand your hesitancy with letting them use your home now. Man what a weird situation. Maybe you should just talk to Rick about your past relationship with Carla. That might soothe some feeling enough for you to attend the wedding and allow them to use your home.
This post was edited on 7/11/21 at 4:18 pm
Posted on 7/11/21 at 4:26 pm to pioneerbasketball
Shoot bottle rockets at them from your porch.
Or for better effect, from your roof.
Or for better effect, from your roof.
Posted on 7/11/21 at 5:22 pm to pioneerbasketball
This is really because you put it in her butt isn’t it?
Posted on 7/11/21 at 5:31 pm to pioneerbasketball
... you still have nude pics?
Posted on 7/11/21 at 5:47 pm to awestruck
In seriousness say you can have the wedding here if I’m invited if not you can’t because I don’t feel comfortable having it here without me.
Now if you want to have them pay you 5-10k to have it there without you and pay security for the event that’s another optuon
Now if you want to have them pay you 5-10k to have it there without you and pay security for the event that’s another optuon
Posted on 7/11/21 at 5:49 pm to awestruck
My opinion: If they want the wedding at my house, I’m going to be there. If Rick can’t handle that, find another venue. And after the wedding is over (whether it’s at my house or elsewhere), I would distance myself from those people.
Posted on 7/11/21 at 9:56 pm to pioneerbasketball
I think its a pretty bold ask of them to still have the wedding on your property without you attending. I don't think anyone would really be OK with that. Id sit down with them and explain that if they want the wedding on your property, you want to be there and aren't comfortable leaving your property with a group of people on it. If they still have a problem, I'd tell them to start looking elsewhere.
Posted on 7/11/21 at 11:27 pm to Mountaineerfan7
Sounds like it's time to put a little more distance between you and Rick and Carla.
Especially if Rick is at odds with you before the marriage. And you might as well do it now because it sounds like he's going to before long. Plus there's no way I'd allow 100 of his and her friends over without me being there.
Especially if Rick is at odds with you before the marriage. And you might as well do it now because it sounds like he's going to before long. Plus there's no way I'd allow 100 of his and her friends over without me being there.
Posted on 7/11/21 at 11:27 pm to pioneerbasketball
Serious advice, a rarity on here, Id sit down with Rick man to man and talk it over with him. I don't blame him, I wouldn't want that shite either but you two need to sit down with a few beers and you gotta let him know that shite has long since been done and over with. Don't frick things up over some shite like that.
But if he won't, I don't blame you. frick saying go ahead and have a wedding at my house and we'll just make ourselves scarce ?? that's definitely absurd.
But if he won't, I don't blame you. frick saying go ahead and have a wedding at my house and we'll just make ourselves scarce ?? that's definitely absurd.
Posted on 7/11/21 at 11:48 pm to pioneerbasketball
I could see not attending the wedding but no way should you abandon your home. You need to be there to make sure your home is protected and cared for.
Posted on 7/12/21 at 12:44 am to arcalades
quote:Exactly, you can still be at your home but not attend the actual wedding. frick them
I could see not attending the wedding but no way should you abandon your home. You need to be there to make sure your home is protected and cared for.
Posted on 7/12/21 at 6:11 am to pioneerbasketball
I seriously only read the first sentence. You are in love with the girl.
Act accordingly.
Act accordingly.
Posted on 7/12/21 at 6:13 am to pioneerbasketball
I agree with what you did; my house, my property and I ain't leaving bc her fiancé is too big of a vagina.
You could rent them the space for $1M tho
You could rent them the space for $1M tho
This post was edited on 7/12/21 at 6:13 am
Posted on 7/12/21 at 7:56 am to pioneerbasketball
Gonna need pics of Carla and your girlfriend to make a decision on this one.
Posted on 7/12/21 at 8:43 am to pioneerbasketball
Serious advice: I concur with the other posters. Contact Rick and offer to meet up and discuss the situation. If he accepts, explain to him that you and Carla are friends, and you have no intention in coming between her and him - but you can’t allow them to have the wedding at your place without you and your girlfriend being there. If he’s cool with that, fine. If not, to hell with them both.
Unserious advice: tell them about the jinx
Unserious advice: tell them about the jinx
Posted on 7/12/21 at 1:07 pm to pioneerbasketball
You did the only logical thing. If you can’t be there…. They can’t have the wedding there. Simple
And…. It’s not going to last. Rick seems like he won’t let this go.
And…. It’s not going to last. Rick seems like he won’t let this go.
Posted on 7/12/21 at 6:34 pm to pioneerbasketball
The only a-hole is Rick. If he can’t see that you and Carla are so far apart now that you’ll even let her get married at your house, then he’s a fool. He’s being ridiculous. Stick to your guns.
Posted on 7/13/21 at 8:29 pm to pioneerbasketball
None of my business but is the reception going to be there and are they going to be drinking? That changes everything for me.
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