re: On a scale of zero to Free Bird, how Southern a motherfricker are you?

Ale 8 is more southern than Mountain Dew

It ain’t breakfast unless you can put it in a tortilla - it ain’t supper unless you started it before breakfast.

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Dude. You talking about Riverside Memorial?

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No, I'm talking where they were moved to family land after being dug up and vandalized at the cemetery next to our mall i am familiar with what you speak of though.

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our mall i am familiar with what you speak of though.

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Can't count the number of benches Charlie bought.

Born and raised in an Arkansas county that borders Mississippi ... My Grandpaw knew Howlin'Wolf and Johnny Cash, I Have ancestors on both sides that fought for the Confederacy.... The Arkansas and Mississippi Delta regions are as Deep South in culture as you can get. we have Alligator hunting, Cotton and Rice everywhere, the longest bayou in the world is Bayou Barthalomew in the delta of Arkansas. Did I mention Johnny Cash was born and raised about a 30 minute drive from my hometown?..

I really don’t care that much for grits unless you put lots of cheese or something in them. Otherwise, free birds have nothing on me.

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Never heard of Burgoo. What Burgoo is?

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It's a Kentucky thing.

You don’t need an apostrophe to spell “yall” dummy

In Arkansas, if someone were to play an old rerun of Hee Haw to this day, those sounds would immediately trigger a memory of the smell of Saturday night fried chicken and mashed potatoes with gravy and ears of corn. That also meant you were having roast on Sunday most of the time. But I do remember having fresh fried chicken on Saturday night and then having fresh fried chicken again on Sunday after church.

If you don’t have a beautiful brown carpet of dormant Bermuda grass from Thanksgiving to Christmas, you are to be pitied. If you don’t understand and appreciate the beauty of that dormant brown Christmas Bermuda carpet, you’re not a real southerner.

Religion: Arkansas does not have much diversity of religion. It’s basically Baptist, Church of Christ and Methodists. The liberals are the Methodists. I don’t think many Presbyterians crossed west of the Mississippi River. In fact, I’m not sure many Presbyterians crossed into the central time zone. But if they did, I do believe that eastern time zone Baptists would be the equivalent of central time zone Presbyterians. We have Lutherans here and there, but we mistake them for Catholics. And our Catholics run most of our liquor stores, so we get along with them very well. Episcopalians might as well be Calvinists to us, and Calvinists might as well be Nazarenes. We’re not sure. I don’t keep track of Pentecostals, but we have them and they are very nice people.

Arkansas has cattlemen who wear boots and Wranglers, farmers who wear whatever it is farmers wear (a large percentage of frat boys come from farming families I think), and most of the rest of us wear flannel shirts and work boots/hiking boots, and either Levi’s jeans or Dickies. If Kirby Smart were from Arkansas, he would be from a farming family and he would have a house with a wraparound porch. We don’t have enough wraparound porch houses in Arkansas, and Mississippi loves to remind us of that.

I’ve been using Alabama white sauce on my turkey sandwiches lately. I’ve been on a big turkey sandwich kick. Turkey sandwiches aren’t necessarily southern, I just felt like throwing that in because of the Alabama white sauce. I don’t really care for that sweet sugary KC BBQ. I love the high vinegar content Carolina BBQ version that I enjoyed for many years in Tennessee.

I wish I could say the Allman Brothers were from Arkansas. But they’re from Georgia. Gregg and Duane Allman and Dickie Betts were musical geniuses of a level never understood by Skynyrd. I know I just pissed some people off with that. And I loved Skynyrd, but there’s no comparison. Take that Jukin!

Johnny Cash is from Arkansas. So is Levon Helm. I’m disappointed John Grisham never got Levon Helm a role in any of the movies made from Grisham’s books.

John Grisham was born in Arkansas.

In Arkansas, if you’re “still running up and down the road,” that means you’ve not retired yet.

In Arkansas, most people who spend leisurely weekends in Dallas or Gulf Shores announce it ever so overtly the following week while in conversation at a local café, so that everyone can hear it and knows you’re high and mighty.

Bankers and insurance agents and car dealers are usually the loudest talkers in Arkansas café’s. Cattlemen and coaches and preachers usually speak pretty softly in those settings. If you run a feed store or a lumber yard, you are to be treated as royalty.

There are two groups of people in Arkansas on a Saturday night: One group are those who left for Dallas or Gulf Shores for the weekend, and the other group is everyone who stayed home and went out to eat at an all you can eat catfish place.

We have alligators in Lake Conway.

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the longest bayou in the world is Bayou Barthalomew

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Never heard of it. The REAL bayou is Bayou Lafourche. When people refer to “the bayou” that’s the one they’re referring to.

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No, not maple syrup, you damnyankee. Just syrup (pronounced "serp").

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This reminded me of one of the funniest things that happened to us freshman year at the Citadel. Even with the location and reputation of the school, there was always a decent percentage of Yankees that came down from the NE (NY, Mass, New Hampshire, etc). When I was there, Freshman were required to wake up early and go to breakfast. We were marched over by a Company officer (Lt) and a few Sgt's and Corporals. Early 2nd semester was the worst. It was dark and cold, and nobody wanted to be there. The upper classmen would retreat to the warm latrine and leave us freshmen to shiver in the cold.

Well they played reveille, raised the flag and marched us over to the mess hall. First semester, they harassed us at ever meal, but by this point, everyone was tired of the micky mouse games (esp at breakfast). The upperclassman in charge of our table (from small town South Carolina) either tried or hungover said, "Ok Knobs, leave me alone and just get what you want this morning." Til the day I day, I'll never forget the menu. Scrambled eggs, bacon grits and toast. One of my classmates from just outside of Boston said, "Sir Mr. So and So, Cadet "Smith" requests permission to use the honey sir." At this point, kind of pissed off, our mess carver said to us, "I said just get what you want!!" So my buddy takes the honey and proceeds to pour it all over his grits. It took a second to register with the upperclassman, but when it did, it was like someone switched on a light.

"CADET SMITH, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING RUINING MY GRITS!?!?!?"
"Sir no excuse sir!!!"
"Scrape them off your plate! Today, you're going to learn how to eat grits properly. Take some grits. Put some butter on them. Salt and pepper. Now, put those eggs in there. Bacon too. Now, EAT!!!"

The look on my buddies face was priceless. He "choked down" every bite looking like he was about to puke at any moment. We were trying our best not to bust out laughing.

Until the day we graduated, "Cadet Smith" said that was the worst thing that happened to him Knob year (and we got our @$$3$ kicked more than once).