Offseason thread: what non-SEC football program most resembles each SEC program?

Alabama: Notre Dame. Tons of history, lots of claimed championships. Most of the fan base did not attend the University. Generally unbearable.

Arkansas: Wisconsin. Solid program with a lot of history, can't seem to quite get over the hump. Great facilities, they'll remind you of this fact. Always playing second or third fiddle in conference. Bert.

Auburn: Michigan State. Has more than its fair share of success but overshadowed by its in-state big brother.

Florida: Oregon. Both programs started in the 90s. Tremendous success under a recently departed coach. Fans are slightly bitter about this fact.

Georgia: Texas. Lots of money, lots of tradition, tons of in-state talent. Best college towns in their respective conferences. Consistently underachieving.

Kentucky: Kansas. When does basketball season start?

LSU: Michigan. Play in two of the best venues in college football. Fans are ready to walk off a ledge at a moment's notice. Paranoid of the decline. It's real.

Mississippi State: Kansas State. Small ag schools located in the middle of nowhere. Frequently left out of the conversation but still find a way to occasionally compete despite the lack of resources.

Missouri: Minnesota. Only major program in a fairly large state. Lack of success given that fact. Mostly ignored by the national media. Both have coaches that have brought them back from the dead. Both full of hoodie-wearing Yankees.

Ole Miss: Maryland. Interesting programs. Unjustifiably pretentious fans. Middle of the road teams.

South Carolina: Clemson. But shittier. Because they are more alike their in-state rivals than they could possibly imagine.

Tennessee: USC. Traditional powerhouses. Can't seem to get it together lately. Both got screwed by Lane Kiffin. Both like to throw decade old statistics at you.

Texas A&M: Virginia Tech. But much weirder. Both have little brother syndrome; could probably attend counseling together.

Vanderbilt: Northwestern. Token, top-notch private schools in powerful conferences full of public schools. Both located in great cities that wouldn't know the difference if the respective football programs folded tomorrow.