How to make friends on SEC rant

To all my Rant brethren:

Here are some quick tips to make you Mr Popular on this site. This method has been proven thousands of times over many decades. May it serve you as well as it’s served me.

4 Easy Steps to Follow:
1. Build rapport
2. Be credible and sincere to gain the trust of your audience
3. Say two positives for every negative
4. Close by reminding your audience that you appreciate them and cannot wait to correspond with them again.

So let’s try this out with a real life example. I’ll direct this post to Bama fans. I will identify each step as I write the post to make it easy to follow:

(Build rapport) Hello there, my redneck friends from Alabama. While I don’t understand why you like to have sex with your sisters, I can appreciate the convenience of it - you never have to leave your house to get a piece. It’s a fine example of your practical approach to life.

(Build credibility and be sincere to gain trust) I am a Gen X’er, so I think you’ll agree that I know what the fk I’m talking about. I genuinely think you have the best football coach of all time - a true living legend. I wish he were still at LSU, but I know that ship has sailed.

(Say 2 positives for every negative) I am positive that you all feel like Alabama sports make you a better person. I am also positive that this isn’t particularly good for building one’s self esteem. This may sound negative, but each one of you should get your head out of your arse and realize that the world is too beautiful a place to not experience in its entirety.

(Close by reminding your audience that you appreciate them and cannot wait to correspond with them again) In closing, I want you to know I appreciate you and cannot wait to correspond with you again.