I need help, guys

It's not what you want to hear but get a lawyer yesterday

I guess the real question is, whether she is bluffing to make you change, or is her mind made up?

If its the former, are you willing to change to keep her? If it's the latter, see tween the hedges comment.

If this is off limits let me know but I thought I remembered having a discussion maybe a year ago and if I remember correctly there was a situation involving a potential job change with some period of time apart and I did not know whether that ended up having an impact on things. Point is depending on how things were broken leads in to whether they can be repaired.

When one party is talking about divorce the only real options are counseling if the other party will agree to it or litigation which will involve divorce, custody, property division, etc.

I've been involved in cases where parties reconciled after marriage counseling so it does and can work. But when all is said and done if one party is adamant about filing for divorce all you can do is seek legal counsel and try to make the best of it.

Don't ever give up. Don't ever leave her. Always be there for her and inform her you're not going away that easy. Tell her it's been rough, and sometimes unbearable but all couples go through this. We can't fail. We won't fail. I won't allow us to fail. Please, let me help you. Let me know how it turns out.

Call EVERY lawyer in town and schedule a sit down for them to just hear you for an initial consultation, which is usually just a quick 20-30 minutes to see if your case is worth taking. Just in talking to you, it means they cannot represent your wife because they first technically "counsled" you. It's the equivalent of picking up every rib on the plate and licking them so no one else can have any. It's scorched earth, but it could mean you not getting fricked over by the courts.


If she's serious about severing your marriage, it could frick you over in the long run. Courts almost always find extremely favorable for the female.

First: Digital non-erotic hug bro, this sucks and I know it hurts. Honestly wish I could wipe it away (emotional pain sucks and this is one of the biggies).

Second: Get counseling just for you, ASAP. It will help if you allow it to. I think secular is better just because they typically have more training and a different approach but if you need to do so faith based counseling can help.

Third: Hang in there. It WILL get better.

I don't know enough about your situation to offer much more but she's obviously scarred by prior relationships if she is lumping you in with others regarding couples counseling and that's not your fault.

I won't lie to you - all this is gonna suck balls for a while but it really does get better and I really do think personal counseling can do you good even if it's only to get it all out. I wish I could offer you more.

Ok. Dr.leppard will see you now. sorry for the wait. I just left a couples seminar at the Ramada inn. healing aint for everybody, let me tell you

First, the reason your getting alot of well intended platitudes is because nobody here can begin to understand your 10 yr marital problems after hearing you whine for a few paragraphs. Theres millions of shite shes holding onto, like all women, that you dont even know to mention

Obviously you keep referring to an abusive background with her. Welcome to 30 yrs ago. I havent dated a girl that wasnt abused since grade school. Apparently parents in the 70s and 80s were wild as frick. regardless, if she wont get counseling you are spinning your wheels. You will be trying to keep someone happy that has holes you cannot fill. Theres no band aids for that type of brokenness

So, what to do about YOU basically. In a sentence, get your shite together. Start making changes in your life that demonstrate that you have the ability to do just that, CHANGE. start taking better care of yourself. If youre a slob, and im betting you are, start making some positive strides. Work out, run, eat better, dress better, take your kids places, start playing guitar again, etc. shite that makes you more attractive, gives you confidence, takes your mind off of things. Changing a bunch of shite that caters to her and your crappy marriage is transparent. And it sets an unrealistic tone with her. I'm sure there's a fricking TON of shite she needs to fix and do differently too. Kissing her arse so she won't leave will do more harm than long term good

And worse case scenario, she leaves you. Deal with that then. But be well centered and have a life not dependent on her when that happens. Which you should have anyway. If she decides its over, 100% of your energy is gonna go to juggling your children , protecting your arse, going to work, and adjusting to all the change. If your head is all fricked up and youre not taking care of yourself shite will hit the fan. Hard

And besides. If she's not willing to see a shrink or marriage counselor, she's not putting the same value on your relationship as you are. Which is nowhere to start. This is a two man deal. Not 40/60. Not 49/51. 50 frickin 50

quote:

---

We have two young children who are my everything.

---

You need to take a long hard look at the face of reality as this ain't how a "mother" reacts who's not fricking somebody else, and for a long time at that.

She's built a methodical case brick by brick and has you exactly in the position she wants with the truth of her infidelity carefully hidden away until matters are said and done.

quote:

---

The thing is, she gave hints that I needed to fix things but I didn't listen, I guess.

---

Lawyer up and hire a PI it's not too late, but you are going to end up the fool if you don't take those blinders off real quick like and your children will be calling some other man or, worse Woman daddy this time next year...

Good luck.