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Waking Up - The Petrino Story

Posted on 11/28/23 at 10:57 pm
Posted by Jon Ham
Member since Jun 2011
29386 posts
Posted on 11/28/23 at 10:57 pm
“Bobby, are you awake, Bobby, can you hear me?” asks Mrs. Petrino in the quiet hospital room.

“Huh? What’s this?” Bobby murmurs.

“You were in a motorcycle crash, Bobby. You were in a coma for over 12 years. It’s the year 2023 now.”

“Are you shittin me?…”

“You’re lucky to be alive. One of the University’s volleyball players happened to notice you in the ditch and called for help before it was too late. She was on the way to her wedding rehearsal. I’m, well we, are her kids godparents now. Her name is Jessica.”


“What about the team, how’d Tyler Wilson do? Did he win the Heisman like I said he would? And who replaced me?”

“Well, Gus Malzhan was named head coach. Tyler and the team had a wonderful year, went 11-1, losing to Bama of course. Tyler was second in the Heisman.”

“I want my job back. I have unfinished business. Think Gus will retire soon?”

“Oh Gus isn’t the coach anymore. He was fired after a couple disappointing seasons. The new coach is Sam Pittman. He is actually looking for an offensive coordinator at the moment…”

A few hours later Mrs. Petrino’s phone rings. She answers.

“Hi! Yes, it’s true! I’m here with him now. Yes he’d love to…Bobby, it’s for you.”

Bobby takes the phone. “Hello?”

“Welcome back, Coach! It’s Sam. I got a cole beer and a headset waiting for you when you’re ready.”

“On my way.”

Bobby swings his feet to the floor and tries to stand up while several nurses rush into the room to stop him. Bobby cries out in frustration “I didn’t come to paint!”
Posted by pioneerbasketball
Team Bunchie
Member since Oct 2005
139098 posts
Posted on 11/28/23 at 10:59 pm to
Can't believe I read the whole post
Posted by Rebbedup
Member since Jun 2021
3551 posts
Posted on 11/28/23 at 11:08 pm to
Me either. I bypassed a “cat shitting on the floor” video on YouTube for this. Sigh.
Posted by Krampus
Member since Nov 2018
5515 posts
Posted on 11/28/23 at 11:10 pm to
Posted by auzach91
Marietta, GA
Member since Jan 2009
40936 posts
Posted on 11/28/23 at 11:15 pm to
So do you just eat mushrooms every Tuesday night or what? Cause..how bout ya share?
Posted by TigerKnights
Member since Jun 2011
4404 posts
Posted on 11/28/23 at 11:37 pm to
quote:

I didn’t come


The wreck got in the way.
Posted by Who_Dat_Tiger
Member since Nov 2015
22283 posts
Posted on 11/28/23 at 11:49 pm to
quote:

Can't believe I read the whole post

I thought for sure there would be a better punchline

Posted by NickLestiger
Baton Rouge
Member since Jan 2016
185 posts
Posted on 11/29/23 at 4:53 am to
I think most of us see this playing out as Pitman getting fired midway next season and motorcycle man being named interim coach and goes 4-2 to finish the season. After an “extensive search” hogs hire him as the new coach.
Posted by Walkthedawg
Dawg Pound
Member since Oct 2012
11466 posts
Posted on 11/29/23 at 6:45 am to
quote:

thought for sure there would be a better punchline


From ham sandwich? LoL
Posted by Jon Ham
Member since Jun 2011
29386 posts
Posted on 11/29/23 at 6:47 am to
quote:

I thought for sure there would be a better punchline


This isn’t a cheap joke. This is 21st century literature.
Posted by Harry Rex Vonner
American southerner
Member since Nov 2013
43102 posts
Posted on 11/29/23 at 6:51 am to


Posted by Arkapigdiesel
Faulkner County
Member since Jun 2009
14688 posts
Posted on 11/29/23 at 6:56 am to
I read all of that. I really did.

I'm still not sure if I loved or hated it. I think we have drug users in our midst.
Posted by jonnyanony
Member since Nov 2020
13109 posts
Posted on 11/29/23 at 6:57 am to
Posted by Fearless and True
N Carolina
Member since Aug 2022
1135 posts
Posted on 11/29/23 at 6:58 am to
Sounds like a great screenplay.
Posted by Spaceman Spiff
Savannah
Member since Sep 2012
19089 posts
Posted on 11/29/23 at 7:01 am to
The godparents to his kids
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