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World Cup teams as College Football teams
Posted on 6/7/18 at 11:34 am
Posted on 6/7/18 at 11:34 am
Hilarious, fine you lazy fricks don't like clicking a link.
Australia
Talented. Weird weather. Weird animals. Weird food. Legendary tailgating fans. Has its own continent all to itself, at least spiritually. LSU.
Croatia
West Virginia! It’s a rowdy breakoff republic that’s usually underrated, due to its small size and sparse population.
France
Georgia, with its tons of talent, long decades without titles, and inexplicable struggle to be consistently elite.
Iceland
UCF, the team willing itself into the national picture. Also, Epcot now has an Iceland-ish exhibit, thanks to Queen Elsa.
Denmark
One star player surrounded by a lot of basic competence? Stanford, any year since Andrew Luck showed up.
Mexico
Fired up! Always top 20, but never No. 1! Probably a little too passionate! How about Oklahoma State?
Iran
They have a respected coach who’s turned a lot of bad teams into decent teams, but hasn’t gone beyond that. Iran is wherever Skip Holtz is at the moment. Iran is Louisiana Tech.
Peru
Well, your best player is frequently suspended, so you’re Florida State, Oklahoma, or an SEC team.
Uruguay
A dirty team with some big wins a long time ago, all based in a (really beautiful!) area you probably wouldn’t visit otherwise: BYU.
Saudi Arabia
Liberty.
Sweden
A little cultish, and dearly missing its best player ever? Texas A&M.
Senegal
A fun mid-major with actual star players, much like, say, Ed Oliver at Houston.
Serbia
Big, strong athletes you’ll probably regret facing, even if you beat them? Utah.
Japan
Talent on its way out, with little to show for it: NC State’s 2017 NFL Draft crop.
Morocco
Really tough little defense, but more known for oddball moments. Appalachian State? Troy?
Egypt
A mediocre team with one player really worth caring about, all surrounded by desert. Welcome to Arizona.
Argentina
Pretty great and super talented, but its fans are perpetually offended by not being the sole topic of every discussion about the sport: Ohio State.
South Korea
A currently solid team without a ton of historic success, but with some new tricks up its sleeve: Purdue.
Switzerland
and Tunisia
Boring teams. One of you is Iowa, and the other is South Carolina. Decide it amongst yourselves.
Portugal
So what have you really gained from having the best player? Portugal, you are the Louisville Cardinals.
Nigeria
Arizona State! Fast and fun, but with really baffling leadership.
Panama
Vontaze Burfict. Not Arizona State entire, just Vontaze Burfict.
Italy (not participating)
You make cars, you have really old titles, your games are in no particular hurry, and you’re pretty weird. You’re Michigan.
Costa Rica
A relatively tiny country has made five World Cups now, all of them recent, including a top-10 finish and takedowns of a couple big names. This sounds like Boise State.
Belgium
Staggering underachievement despite plenty of talent. UCLA!
Spain
You like playing in bowls, shady accounting, animals with large horns, and huge piles of money, but have just one title in recent memory? Texas!
Netherlands (not participating)
A history of offensive innovation, blue-and-orange unis, and success, though not quite as much as one would expect: Florida.
Poland
Memphis? We can’t remember why we settled on Memphis as Poland. Just enjoy the poetry of “Memphis is Poland.”
Colombia
Sexy in yellow, but without any titles: the Oregon Ducks, who likewise came pretty close in 2014.
England
Maybe the easiest pick on the board. Old money + not all that great since the middle of the previous century + a landmark figure in the history of the sport + sprawling fanbase + huge letdowns that are letdowns despite everyone seeing them coming + always on NBC = Notre Dame.
Brazil
Glamorous talent, tons of style, spectacular defeats, a list of championships in various decades, a really old home stadium, and perpetually a contender? That’s USC.
Russia, the host
You’re bad, boring, and only in this thing because of your location. Russia, you are Rutgers.
United States (not participating)
Nobody ever knows who’s in charge of it, but we’ve spent the last couple decades talking ourselves into it breaking through anyway, so: Tennessee.
Germany
Bama.
LINK
Australia
Talented. Weird weather. Weird animals. Weird food. Legendary tailgating fans. Has its own continent all to itself, at least spiritually. LSU.
Croatia
West Virginia! It’s a rowdy breakoff republic that’s usually underrated, due to its small size and sparse population.
France
Georgia, with its tons of talent, long decades without titles, and inexplicable struggle to be consistently elite.
Iceland
UCF, the team willing itself into the national picture. Also, Epcot now has an Iceland-ish exhibit, thanks to Queen Elsa.
Denmark
One star player surrounded by a lot of basic competence? Stanford, any year since Andrew Luck showed up.
Mexico
Fired up! Always top 20, but never No. 1! Probably a little too passionate! How about Oklahoma State?
Iran
They have a respected coach who’s turned a lot of bad teams into decent teams, but hasn’t gone beyond that. Iran is wherever Skip Holtz is at the moment. Iran is Louisiana Tech.
Peru
Well, your best player is frequently suspended, so you’re Florida State, Oklahoma, or an SEC team.
Uruguay
A dirty team with some big wins a long time ago, all based in a (really beautiful!) area you probably wouldn’t visit otherwise: BYU.
Saudi Arabia
Liberty.
Sweden
A little cultish, and dearly missing its best player ever? Texas A&M.
Senegal
A fun mid-major with actual star players, much like, say, Ed Oliver at Houston.
Serbia
Big, strong athletes you’ll probably regret facing, even if you beat them? Utah.
Japan
Talent on its way out, with little to show for it: NC State’s 2017 NFL Draft crop.
Morocco
Really tough little defense, but more known for oddball moments. Appalachian State? Troy?
Egypt
A mediocre team with one player really worth caring about, all surrounded by desert. Welcome to Arizona.
Argentina
Pretty great and super talented, but its fans are perpetually offended by not being the sole topic of every discussion about the sport: Ohio State.
South Korea
A currently solid team without a ton of historic success, but with some new tricks up its sleeve: Purdue.
Switzerland
and Tunisia
Boring teams. One of you is Iowa, and the other is South Carolina. Decide it amongst yourselves.
Portugal
So what have you really gained from having the best player? Portugal, you are the Louisville Cardinals.
Nigeria
Arizona State! Fast and fun, but with really baffling leadership.
Panama
Vontaze Burfict. Not Arizona State entire, just Vontaze Burfict.
Italy (not participating)
You make cars, you have really old titles, your games are in no particular hurry, and you’re pretty weird. You’re Michigan.
Costa Rica
A relatively tiny country has made five World Cups now, all of them recent, including a top-10 finish and takedowns of a couple big names. This sounds like Boise State.
Belgium
Staggering underachievement despite plenty of talent. UCLA!
Spain
You like playing in bowls, shady accounting, animals with large horns, and huge piles of money, but have just one title in recent memory? Texas!
Netherlands (not participating)
A history of offensive innovation, blue-and-orange unis, and success, though not quite as much as one would expect: Florida.
Poland
Memphis? We can’t remember why we settled on Memphis as Poland. Just enjoy the poetry of “Memphis is Poland.”
Colombia
Sexy in yellow, but without any titles: the Oregon Ducks, who likewise came pretty close in 2014.
England
Maybe the easiest pick on the board. Old money + not all that great since the middle of the previous century + a landmark figure in the history of the sport + sprawling fanbase + huge letdowns that are letdowns despite everyone seeing them coming + always on NBC = Notre Dame.
Brazil
Glamorous talent, tons of style, spectacular defeats, a list of championships in various decades, a really old home stadium, and perpetually a contender? That’s USC.
Russia, the host
You’re bad, boring, and only in this thing because of your location. Russia, you are Rutgers.
United States (not participating)
Nobody ever knows who’s in charge of it, but we’ve spent the last couple decades talking ourselves into it breaking through anyway, so: Tennessee.
Germany
Bama.
LINK
This post was edited on 6/7/18 at 11:41 am
18
Posted on 6/7/18 at 11:37 am to Ole Messcort
Wtf did we ever do to SBNation? They're always shitting on us.
Posted on 6/7/18 at 11:43 am to Ole Messcort
This cuts deep. I expect France to be dominant this year and they will definitely lose in a very exciting and heartbreaking fashion
Posted on 6/7/18 at 11:43 am to Ole Messcort
quote:
United States (not participating)
Nobody ever knows who’s in charge of it, but we’ve spent the last couple decades talking ourselves into it breaking through anyway, so: Tennessee.
Posted on 6/7/18 at 11:52 am to madmaxvol
not gonna lie someone did their research 
most of these are pretty spot on not gonna lie
most of these are pretty spot on not gonna liePosted on 6/7/18 at 11:55 am to SoFunnyItsNot
Soccer is for figs. Soccer boArd
Posted on 6/7/18 at 12:16 pm to Ole Messcort
Ill gladly take Switzerland over Tunisia.
Deebo Samuel= Xherdan Shaqiri
Who is far from Boring.
They also always advance passed the group stages. (well in the last 2 major tourneys they did)
Deebo Samuel= Xherdan Shaqiri
Who is far from Boring.
They also always advance passed the group stages. (well in the last 2 major tourneys they did)
This post was edited on 6/7/18 at 12:19 pm
Posted on 6/7/18 at 12:40 pm to Ole Messcort
As an Aggie, I can confidently say this was a gay thread.
Posted on 6/7/18 at 1:11 pm to Carolina_Girl
So Kim was really saying he wants to play Germany in this pic?
Posted on 6/7/18 at 1:17 pm to Ole Messcort
quote:
France
Georgia, A bunch of self-righteous assholes who are impossible to be around because spend their time sniffing their own farts and looking down on other people even though they have zero grounds to do so.
Posted on 6/7/18 at 5:32 pm to Ole Messcort
No USA no care.
Posted on 6/7/18 at 5:40 pm to Ole Messcort
Nigeria has got this
Posted on 6/7/18 at 5:41 pm to Ole Messcort
Why do they have to disrespect Poland like that?
Posted on 6/7/18 at 5:49 pm to Ole Messcort
quote:
Peru
Well, your best player is frequently suspended, so you’re Florida State, Oklahoma, or an SEC team
Wtf is this bullshite? Dont lump is in with the likes of Ole Miss, Miss st and Texas AM cheating fricking asses.
Posted on 6/7/18 at 5:52 pm to kbrake37
quote:
Miss st
quote:
cheating
Posted on 6/7/18 at 6:05 pm to kbrake37
quote:
cheating fricking asses.
Everyone in the conference cheats.
Posted on 6/7/18 at 7:02 pm to Ole Messcort
Pretty funny but the article also proves the off-season leaves some folks with way too much time on their hands.
Posted on 6/7/18 at 7:36 pm to FredBear
Motion to change UGA mascot to the Bullfrogs.
Go FRAWGS!
Go FRAWGS!
Posted on 6/7/18 at 7:56 pm to magildachunks
EDSBS's Hatin' Arse Spurrier Surveys the World Cup, from 2014:
The World Cup is gonna feel like home for Virginia Tech fans. Nobody scores in double digits and somebody other than the Hokies winds up champion.
I'm not familiar with their soccer. But if their other work is any indication Germany will get out to a fast start, and then fade disastrously down the stretch.
A hat trick in soccer is when one fella scores three times. A hat trick in college football is Kenny Chesney.
Citizenship shouldn't be such an issue. We've let Urban Meyer coach for years and he's still got a Hell passport.
With North Korea not qualifying it's a shame Penn State fans won't have anyone to follow this time around.
Brazil's notorious for kidnapping and aggressive hookers, so it's basically Jackie Sherrill's house.
Don't know why rioting and poverty can hurt the World Cup. It's worked pretty well for LSU football.
I think Bret Bielema would be a great fit to run one of these teams. He definitely wouldn't lose nine games.
Will Muschamp hates soccer because the players throw the ball too much.
I know the Sun Belt's got some feisty teams, but I don't think Japan should have gotten a spot over an SEC squad.
England invented soccer, which seems weird until you remember that Rutgers played the first football game.
Brady Hoke would be a terrible goalie. That's a fella that never winds up with a clean sheet.
You know, Brazil's the only country to win FIVE world cups. That's quite an accomplishment. Five. Quite a number. In Spanish that's cinco. CINCO. [/holds up five at picture of Dabo he keeps in his pocket]
Greece is bankrupt and still made the World Cup so, hey, you can make this thing work, Randy Edsall.
Little tip: if Mike Price invites you to "watch Portuguese football," bring a towel. And a burner phone.
Belgium. shite, that's like Diet Cherry France.
Auburn didn't even make Group D this year? Guess some of the tutors quit.
Italy gets criticized for pretendin' to be hurt but England doesn't for pretendin' to have a chance to win. Seems inconsistent if you ask me.
Sepp Blatter? Yeah, I think Bobby Bowden came down with that. Nothing a little Vesicare can't fix.
If they can play for the Japanese national team, I bet you can get a Pokemon into Ole Miss.
Iran's an isolated religious totalitarianism, just like BYU. The main difference is Jim Delany might consider letting Iran join his conference.
Luis Suarez better not bite anybody if he visits Arkansas. That's a marriage proposal there.
Spain's probably like Texas Tech: too much passin', known for handsome men. What's Lubbock's thoughts on Jewish folk? That's kind of important for accuracy's sake here.
Can't say a country as skinny as Chile would ever succeed in the SEC.
Russian soccer players at the World Cup probably feel like Iowa football players at a bowl game - just happy to not be back home.
Florida fans should pull for the US, because they ain't getting to five wins either.
Tricky part about soccer is you never know how much time they're gonna tack on at the end. It's Saban's worst nightmare.
You know a swarm of Brazilian piranha can't really skeletonize a cow in five minutes, right? I bet Bo Pelini and Luis Suarez could, though.
Argentina are the "White Stars," so I guess we already know who Skip Bayless will be talking about.
Oregon fans got money and hate questions from the authorities. Switzerland welcomes y'all!
Don't know how you have a Group of Death without George O'Leary.
I don't know much about Algeria. But I bet Clemson's showers test positive for it.
The World Cup is gonna feel like home for Virginia Tech fans. Nobody scores in double digits and somebody other than the Hokies winds up champion.
I'm not familiar with their soccer. But if their other work is any indication Germany will get out to a fast start, and then fade disastrously down the stretch.
A hat trick in soccer is when one fella scores three times. A hat trick in college football is Kenny Chesney.
Citizenship shouldn't be such an issue. We've let Urban Meyer coach for years and he's still got a Hell passport.
With North Korea not qualifying it's a shame Penn State fans won't have anyone to follow this time around.
Brazil's notorious for kidnapping and aggressive hookers, so it's basically Jackie Sherrill's house.
Don't know why rioting and poverty can hurt the World Cup. It's worked pretty well for LSU football.
I think Bret Bielema would be a great fit to run one of these teams. He definitely wouldn't lose nine games.
Will Muschamp hates soccer because the players throw the ball too much.
I know the Sun Belt's got some feisty teams, but I don't think Japan should have gotten a spot over an SEC squad.
England invented soccer, which seems weird until you remember that Rutgers played the first football game.
Brady Hoke would be a terrible goalie. That's a fella that never winds up with a clean sheet.
You know, Brazil's the only country to win FIVE world cups. That's quite an accomplishment. Five. Quite a number. In Spanish that's cinco. CINCO. [/holds up five at picture of Dabo he keeps in his pocket]
Greece is bankrupt and still made the World Cup so, hey, you can make this thing work, Randy Edsall.
Little tip: if Mike Price invites you to "watch Portuguese football," bring a towel. And a burner phone.
Belgium. shite, that's like Diet Cherry France.
Auburn didn't even make Group D this year? Guess some of the tutors quit.
Italy gets criticized for pretendin' to be hurt but England doesn't for pretendin' to have a chance to win. Seems inconsistent if you ask me.
Sepp Blatter? Yeah, I think Bobby Bowden came down with that. Nothing a little Vesicare can't fix.
If they can play for the Japanese national team, I bet you can get a Pokemon into Ole Miss.
Iran's an isolated religious totalitarianism, just like BYU. The main difference is Jim Delany might consider letting Iran join his conference.
Luis Suarez better not bite anybody if he visits Arkansas. That's a marriage proposal there.
Spain's probably like Texas Tech: too much passin', known for handsome men. What's Lubbock's thoughts on Jewish folk? That's kind of important for accuracy's sake here.
Can't say a country as skinny as Chile would ever succeed in the SEC.
Russian soccer players at the World Cup probably feel like Iowa football players at a bowl game - just happy to not be back home.
Florida fans should pull for the US, because they ain't getting to five wins either.
Tricky part about soccer is you never know how much time they're gonna tack on at the end. It's Saban's worst nightmare.
You know a swarm of Brazilian piranha can't really skeletonize a cow in five minutes, right? I bet Bo Pelini and Luis Suarez could, though.
Argentina are the "White Stars," so I guess we already know who Skip Bayless will be talking about.
Oregon fans got money and hate questions from the authorities. Switzerland welcomes y'all!
Don't know how you have a Group of Death without George O'Leary.
I don't know much about Algeria. But I bet Clemson's showers test positive for it.
Posted on 6/7/18 at 8:23 pm to Ole Messcort
This is dumb.
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