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re: Could you date a girl who was a slut in college/earlier in life?
Posted on 4/10/13 at 9:54 am to BluegrassBelle
Posted on 4/10/13 at 9:54 am to BluegrassBelle
quote:
There's plenty of guys who can't keep it casual either, but I think because it's a stigma they don't want to be nailed with they play it off like they can.
For sure. And I wouldn't consider myself someone that can keep it casual, or even wants to. I find relationships more satisfying, and the sex to be way better 2-3 months in. But I have had slump busters, or post-relationship flings where I go through the motions completely disinterested and just wanting something physical, but I know she wouldn't be putting out if she knew I was just telling her what she wanted to hear. Women are the ones being chased. It is just a different dynamic.
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Posted on 4/10/13 at 9:55 am to BluegrassBelle
quote:
ETA: And that's not even just from a sexual standpoint, that absolutely applies to just hanging out as well.
Seriously. I don't run across that many guys that are OK with just hanging out when they want to date you. And I don't think guys are hardwired to pick up on hints.
Posted on 4/10/13 at 9:58 am to GenesChin
What if she's bi?
Posted on 4/10/13 at 10:18 am to Bellabama
quote:
Seriously. I don't run across that many guys that are OK with just hanging out when they want to date you. And I don't think guys are hardwired to pick up on hints.
It feels like rejection and we have that whole "pride" thing going. So yeah, that is going to be a rare breed.
I know I wasn't hardwired for hints in my younger days, but we can learn to pay attention. I can now figure out pretty quickly if it's going anywhere, and turn the friend switch on before I get too much investment in the idea of dating.
Posted on 4/10/13 at 10:23 am to Duke
Well I can't imagine anyone ever friend zoning you, Dukie. UNpossible. 
Posted on 4/10/13 at 10:33 am to Bellabama
quote:
Seriously. I don't run across that many guys that are OK with just hanging out when they want to date you. And I don't think guys are hardwired to pick up on hints.
I've admittedly friend zoned my fair share of guys, but I'm pretty upfront about it and I generally know pretty early on if it's going to go anywhere. I've always used the benchmark of "is this how I would want to be treated?". I can only think of two or three guys that weren't able to still take the hint at that point.
This post was edited on 4/10/13 at 10:35 am
Posted on 4/10/13 at 10:33 am to Bellabama
quote:
Well I can't imagine anyone ever friend zoning you, Dukie. UNpossible.
Totally agree.
Not all women agree apparently. I learned to stop caring though, because when it's right it just works. No reason to fight the current.
Posted on 4/10/13 at 10:37 am to Bellabama
Generally girls/women who went through a slut-phase always relapse back into that phase.
Posted on 4/10/13 at 10:37 am to Bellabama
quote:
I don't think there should be a double standard
If you have a key and it opens a bunch of locks it's a sweet key. If a lock gets opened by every key it's a shitty lock.....
Double standard is dumb but at least there is a little logic behind it.
Posted on 4/10/13 at 10:39 am to BluegrassBelle
quote:
I've admittedly friend zoned my fair share of guys, but I'm pretty upfront about it and I generally know pretty early on if it's going to go anywhere. I've always used the benchmark of "is this how I would want to be treated?". I can only think of two or three guys that weren't able to still take the hint at that point.
I'm exactly the same way. I just think in general, it's best to figure out what people want up front so everyone knows what they are getting into. It's not personal.
Sometimes, I run into guys who say they are OK with just being friends but are secretly trying to manipulate the situation hoping I will change my mind. It always sucks because if you genuinely like their company, and you genuinely just want to be friends, it's always a little sad to realize that they can't just be friends.
Posted on 4/10/13 at 10:39 am to BluegrassBelle
quote:
I've admittedly friend zoned my fair share of guys, but I'm pretty upfront about it and I generally know pretty early on if it's going to go anywhere. I've always used the benchmark of "is this how I would want to be treated?". I can only think of two or three guys that weren't able to still take the hint at that point.
Never understood why a woman wants a guy friend around that they have friend zoned. He isn't going to be a real friend. He is just constantly telling you what you want to hear for the long con. I have been friends with a handful of women that weren't off limits, and I have pretty much reached capacity on ever adding to that collection, and about half of those, I would definitely sleep with. Why do you want friend zoned guy friends? Why? Is it just comforting to have someone around you know you're out of his league. As like a constant morale booster?
Posted on 4/10/13 at 10:40 am to oklahogjr
quote:
If you have a key and it opens a bunch of locks it's a sweet key. If a lock gets opened by every key it's a shitty lock.....
Well yeah, but girls feel the same way. Everyone likes to feel special. It's science.
Posted on 4/10/13 at 10:40 am to Bellabama
quote:
I'm exactly the same way. I just think in general, it's best to figure out what people want up front so everyone knows what they are getting into. It's not personal.
They guy wants in your pants 100% of the time.
Posted on 4/10/13 at 10:41 am to Bellabama
quote:
Sometimes, I run into guys who say they are OK with just being friends but are secretly trying to manipulate the situation hoping I will change my mind. It always sucks because if you genuinely like their company, and you genuinely just want to be friends, it's always a little sad to realize that they can't just be friends.
Unless he isn't physically attracted to you, this will always be the case I am afraid.
Posted on 4/10/13 at 10:46 am to TeLeFaWx
quote:
Never understood why a woman wants a guy friend around that they have friend zoned. He isn't going to be a real friend.
We'll have to respectfully agree to disagree on this one. Some of my best friends have come from friend zone situations. You're selling your sex pretty short right now.
quote:
Why do you want friend zoned guy friends? Why? Is it just comforting to have someone around you know you're out of his league. As like a constant morale booster?
Not at all. I grew up a tomboy so I've always had close guy friends that I had no intention of being with sexually (and vice versa). I'm more comfortable around guys.
Posted on 4/10/13 at 10:47 am to TeLeFaWx
quote:
Unless he isn't physically attracted to you, this will always be the case I am afraid.
Not always true.
A beautiful girl that is a friend can be useful. Other girls don't know what your situation is, and that competitive streak they have gets going. There's plenty of other pussy in the sea.
Posted on 4/10/13 at 10:51 am to DanMullins4Life
quote:
Generally girls/women who went through a slut-phase always relapse back into that phase.
Here's my question though. What is your definition of a "slut-phase"? Are we talking about girls who have been faithfully in long term relationships, but slept around between boyfriends? Are we talking about girls that just slut it up all the time no matter the situation?
To me (and this applies to guys as well) there's a difference in the two.
Posted on 4/10/13 at 10:53 am to BluegrassBelle
quote:
Not at all. I grew up a tomboy so I've always had close guy friends that I had no intention of being with sexually (and vice versa). I'm more comfortable around guys.
I'm exactly the same way. Usually what makes or breaks my friendships with guys is whether or not, when they date girls, I can be friends with the girl. My close girlfriends are all the same way. I grew up with brothers, and my sense of humor skews male.
Posted on 4/10/13 at 10:55 am to BluegrassBelle
quote:
We'll have to respectfully agree to disagree on this one. Some of my best friends have come from friend zone situations. You're selling your sex pretty short right now.
I would say that my two longest female friends that I have are friend zoned. One I have friend zoned, one I was friend zoned. Both are sexy, and I would definitely sleep with both if the circumstances were different, but the relationships are not anywhere near as strong as any of my best guy friends, or female friendships I have had with long time females that are off limits or ones that I am not attracted to. Even ones that are much short than the two aforementioned females I have known over a decade, and know more personal details of their lives than probably anything but a handful of people. Men and women are compatible. If our personalities are compatible, and I sexually attracted to them, I get what I want, or I move on without it getting anywhere near a level of closeness or bonding you would have other wise.
quote:
Not at all. I grew up a tomboy so I've always had close guy friends that I had no intention of being with sexually (and vice versa). I'm more comfortable around guys.
I've never known a really pretty girl, tomboy or not, to ever say anything other than they aren't more comfortable around guys.
Posted on 4/10/13 at 10:56 am to BluegrassBelle
quote:
Here's my question though. What is your definition of a "slut-phase"? Are we talking about girls who have been faithfully in long term relationships, but slept around between boyfriends? Are we talking about girls that just slut it up all the time no matter the situation?
Exactly. The girl who gives a blow job to one guy and goes home with another is in a totally different category than a girl who isn't tied down to anyone and happens to go through a phase and hooks up with various people.
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