1. Bryan Harsin, Auburn - no surprise here. Big Dick Bryan is probably the most yoked HC in SEC history. Let's be honest, no other current HC would even stand a chance. Those on the lower end of this list would back down from his cold hard stare alone.

2. Clark Lea, Vanderbilt - dude looks in good shape himself, still comparatively young at 40, and played the fullback position where he had to physically punish people every play. Smart guy who would be a cerebral fighter too. Probably the only guy on this list who could make Harsin sweat.

3. Billy Napier, Florida - 43, long reach with those lanky arms, not in bad shape, and just looks mean

4. Sam Pittman, Arkansad - I'm going out on a limb with this one bc of Pittman's age, 60, and lack of stamina. But the Pittmaster is a man who definitely saw his share of barroom brawls in his heyday, and he played OL, so he'll know how to throw his weight around and end things quick. This is a boom or bust pick, but I like Pittman to frick shite up in this tournament. 20 years ago though, he would've been an absolute force.

5. Mark Stoops, Kentucky - this might be another surprise pick for some of y'all, but Stoops is a tough sumbitch, he was a hard hitting safety back in the 80s, and he's farm strong (Iowa Hawkeye)

6. Lane Kiffin, Ole Miss - at first glance you might write Lane off as a rich daddy's boy who's been coddled and handed opportunities all of his life, but I think that gives Lane a bit of a chip on his shoulder. He seems to have a lot of pent up rage just under the surface that he masks with humor and partying. Plus he's got some size and weight to work with

7. Shane Beamer, South Carolina - this is a safety pick based on him being relatively young at 43, and in good shape, and the assumption that he can outlast some of his older contemporaries. But idk, Shane looks a little too clean cut and like he's never been in a fight in his life, so I also wouldn't be surprised if he got his shite rocked early on.

8. Kirby Smart, Georgia - look, at the beginning of his tenure at UGA, Smart would've ranked much higher on this list. He was a badass in his playing days, and he's always looked like a guy who doesn't put up with any shite and can handle himself. But his age is really starting to show, and he's allowed himself to get fat and soft in his success. Even as the leader of my hated rival, seeing a man decline so fast and far is hard to watch

but, after this the competition takes a hard drop and becomes difficult to rank

9. Josh Heupel, Tennessee - he gets this spot by default, based on the fact that he's a giant fat frick who could absorb some blows and defeat a few opponents by sitting on them and suffocating them. That and every other HC below this point having even bigger weaknesses in their fighting games

10. Eli Drinkwitz, Mizzou - I know what y'all are thinking. This nerd??? But at 39, he's got youth on his side, and probably some unresolved trauma from being bullied as a child by jocks (like his fellow coaches), which may be enough to give him an edge over some of his older and more feeble opponents.

11. Nick Saban, Alabama - he's 70 years old and 5'6", but Nick Saban is still the meanest sumbitch on this list, and he knows how to get in people's heads and be intimidating. And you know Saban would come prepared with a solid gameplan.

12. Mike Leach, Mississippi State - yes, he's an aging nerd, and the least physically/ athletically gifted person on this list. But Leach has a little pirate in him, he won't back down. And he's the type of nerd who's probably spent crazy hours studying medieval fighting techniques. Leach would have a couple of tricks up his sleeve before he was physically overwhelmed.

13. Brian Kelly, Louisiana State - he's a hoity toity fancy boy who's never gotten dirt under his nails in his life, but we already know he's not afraid to order someone to their death and will lose no sleep over it. That level of sociopathy is scary, even if he isn't physically capable of carrying out his sick will on most people.

14. Jimbo Fisher, aTm - let's all be honest here, Jimbo just looks bitchmade, and I don't think anyone here will disagree with that. He looks like the slightest push to the chest would have him on the ground crying and threatening to call the police

TL;DR -

1. Harsin
2. Lea
3. Napier
4. Pittman
5. Stoops
6. Kiffin
7. Beamer
8. Smart
9. Heupel
10. Drinkwitz
11. Saban
12. Leach
13. Kelly
14. Jimbo