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LSU, Kiffin and The Greatest Troll of All-Time

Posted on 11/24/25 at 8:43 pm
Posted by Mempho
Member since Dec 2021
333 posts
Posted on 11/24/25 at 8:43 pm
**Allow me to tell you a story. The following is a work of fiction, until events prove/disprove the veracity of its truth. Any resemblance to actual real-world events should be taken as purely coincidental. **

Amongst the coaching fraternity and their agents, there are few things that are worse than threatening the financial security of coaches and their families.

The legal instrument known as the contractual buyout exists for the financial security of the coaches and their families. In LSU’s case, they heavily relied upon a large buyout in order to entice a proven coach from Notre Dame to leave a much easier and more secure job for one that would be much tougher.

This came in the form of a $55M buyout. CBK knew that LSU would be an extremely difficult place to keep a job since the track record had proven that even he could even win a national championship one year but be gone one year later. If and when that happened, CBK would have to take a lesser job and would be unlikely to obtain a top tier coaching job again due to his age.

That buyout, however, promised him and his family generational wealth whether he succeeded or failed.

When LSU signaled its intent to not pay the buyout, it was considered a ghastly breach in the world of coaches and their agents. CBK had already called his agent, of course, to come to the rescue.

His agent is Trace Armstrong of Creative Artists Agency (CAA).

Then, all hell broke loose. The governor made a point of grandstanding about the buyout and the AD at LSU left his position immediately. The governor had already painted himself in a corner.

At some point, Kelly’s agent (Trace Armstrong) cooked up a plan with another agent at CAA- enter one named Jimmy Sexton. They absolutely, positively could NOT ALLOW a governor to politically grandstand over a buyout they negotiated. The nonpayment of the buyout would directly cost CAA an estimated $2 million (perhaps a bit more). Even worse, LSU’s success in this endeavor would undermine their entire business.

The problem they had was that LSU had not formally terminated CBK. Instead, they had placed him on administrative leave in order to search thru everything (files, cell phones, computers) in order to find a legally legitimate violation for which they could terminate CBK “for cause.” In other words, they were going to place CBK on leave while they conducted a witch-hunt. There was little doubt they could find something- enough at least to get the job done in the State of Louisiana where the judge and jury would almost certainly be more concerned with LSU’s win-loss record than any notion of true justice.

They needed the Board of Trustees to formally terminate CBK for cause but to do so quickly and before they could carefully construct a more legitimate case for terminating CBK.

The way to do this consisted of two simple steps:

1) Convince LSU that they could obtain a great coach

2) Make that coach so expensive that they could not reasonably and simultaneously afford both the buyout of CBK and the new coach.

3) Convince LSU that the time to strike was now - there was no later.

4) Convince that prospective coach that would serve as the bait to play along- enter Coach Lane Kiffin

5) Have CLK engage in certain activities- the purpose of which would be to convince LSU that they had “their guy”- that were technically not worthy of termination at his current institution but which were a serious breach of decorum.

6) Convince LSU that the deal was “done” save for the final signature.

7) Make it appear that the only reason the pen had not hit the signature line was due to the prop had not been paper was due to CLK’s deep desire to coach his team in the playoffs.

8) Ultimately, pull the rug from LSU and publicly humiliate both the institution and the governor.

9) Ensure that LSU gets no access to any of the coaches they represent (which is virtually all of them) until the buyout is paid in full and certain “other” punitive conditions are met. I will not be discussing those here.

For his part, CLK would get the following:

1) The man who had been a villain to do many would become a hero ((outside of Louisiana, of course)).

2) He would become the highest paid coach in CFB

3) He would be able to inflict untold damage on his current rival and permanent SEC opponent

4) Ultimately, the fan base at his current school would understand his “heel turn” had only been the way things appeared. All would be forgiven.

Please remember- all of this should be considered fiction until such time and events dictate that it is truth.

P.S.-

For LSU, congrats on the victory over WKU last weekend. You may not beat them next year or the next or the next but you definitely got the better of them this year!

For CBK- you are a class act (except for the twerking- you should really not do that again). May you and your family enjoy your retirement (if that’s what you choose to do).

Posted by Soonerd78
Member since Sep 2024
2544 posts
Posted on 11/24/25 at 8:45 pm to
you are going to melt hard if this doesnt happen.
Posted by Jrv2damac
KS (mountain time)
Member since Mar 2004
71899 posts
Posted on 11/24/25 at 8:46 pm to
I quit my job to read all that

Posted by ColoradoAg
Colorado
Member since Sep 2011
25125 posts
Posted on 11/24/25 at 8:47 pm to
I need an AI summary. Too much text
Posted by LSUBALLER
Louisiana
Member since Jul 2013
20381 posts
Posted on 11/24/25 at 8:47 pm to
Your screen name is spelled wrong. It’s spelled moron
Posted by theballguy
Bama Park
Member since Oct 2011
28469 posts
Posted on 11/24/25 at 8:49 pm to
Always ask GPT for a tldr output. We'll all thank you later for this.
Posted by kajunman
Member since Dec 2015
7873 posts
Posted on 11/24/25 at 8:50 pm to
Seriously, how long did that take you to type ? I didn't read it, I just kept scrolling and it was still your post.
Posted by dawgdayafternoon
Jacksonville, GA
Member since Jul 2011
23513 posts
Posted on 11/24/25 at 8:51 pm to
I can’t believe someone would legitimately post something like this.
Posted by Mempho
Member since Dec 2021
333 posts
Posted on 11/24/25 at 8:54 pm to
quote:

Your screen name is spelled wrong. It’s spelled moron


I’m glad you are JUST NOW realizing that CBK’s agent and Jimmy Sexton are at the SAME firm.

Call me whatever you want- it means nothing to me.

Posted by captdalton
Member since Feb 2021
19601 posts
Posted on 11/24/25 at 8:57 pm to
quote:

you are going to melt hard if this doesnt happen.


We are guaranteed a melt at this point. The question is who, how long, and will it be fatal.
Posted by rebeloke
Member since Nov 2012
16963 posts
Posted on 11/24/25 at 8:57 pm to
Here is the problem with this work of fiction. It would require the complete understanding of the school that employs Lane Kiffin. It doesn’t have the schools role. There needs to be more plot development on why would his employer agree to such a juvenile stunt. Also it doesn’t include Florida’s role. Why drag them into it?

Your story is missing some very important details. It has some serious flaws. Don’t quit your day job.
Posted by animalcracker
Member since Oct 2010
2230 posts
Posted on 11/24/25 at 8:58 pm to
quote:

Allow me to tell you a story
No. TLDNR maybe if it was on audio books.
This post was edited on 11/24/25 at 9:05 pm
Posted by SidewalkTiger
Midwest, USA
Member since Dec 2019
65985 posts
Posted on 11/24/25 at 8:59 pm to
So basically Ole Miss is allowing Sexton to potentially derail your best season ever in exchange for BK getting his buyout.

Wow.

Posted by Mempho
Member since Dec 2021
333 posts
Posted on 11/24/25 at 9:04 pm to
quote:

Here is the problem with this work of fiction. It would require the complete understanding of the school that employs Lane Kiffin. It doesn’t have the schools role. There needs to be more plot development on why would his employer agree to such a juvenile stunt. Also it doesn’t include Florida’s role. Why drag them into it? Your story is missing some very important details. It has some serious flaws. Don’t quit your day job.


I’m no Stephen King…but if I can entertain the board a little bit and cause some sleepless LSU nights in the process, I’ll consider this a raving success.
Posted by Mempho
Member since Dec 2021
333 posts
Posted on 11/24/25 at 9:08 pm to
quote:

So basically Ole Miss is allowing Sexton to potentially derail your best season ever in exchange for BK getting his buyout. Wow.


In the original draft of my piece here, I had it in there that Kiffin signed the extension last week , the players had been told by Carter/Kiffin in a closed door team meeting and that Carters announcement that he was staying was just delayed to further the LSU fall.

I guess I should have kept that nugget during the (extremely brief) editing process.
Posted by Tammany Tom
Mandeville
Member since Jun 2004
5273 posts
Posted on 11/24/25 at 9:08 pm to
quote:

I’m glad you are JUST NOW realizing that CBK’s agent and Jimmy Sexton are at the SAME firm.


Brian Kelly is represented by Trace Armstrong of the Athletes First Agency.

Lane Kiffin is represented by Jimmy Sexton of the Creative Artist Agency.
Posted by Mempho
Member since Dec 2021
333 posts
Posted on 11/24/25 at 9:10 pm to
quote:

I can’t believe someone would legitimately post something like this.


It’s fiction, I said…unless it’s not. That’s not what I’d term “legitimately post”….
Posted by mudshuvl05
Member since Nov 2023
2821 posts
Posted on 11/24/25 at 9:11 pm to
quote:

**Allow me to tell you a story. The following is a work of fiction, until events prove/disprove the veracity of its truth. Any resemblance to actual real-world events should be taken as purely coincidental. **

Amongst the coaching fraternity and their agents, there are few things that are worse than threatening the financial security of coaches and their families.

The legal instrument known as the contractual buyout exists for the financial security of the coaches and their families. In LSU’s case, they heavily relied upon a large buyout in order to entice a proven coach from Notre Dame to leave a much easier and more secure job for one that would be much tougher.

This came in the form of a $55M buyout. CBK knew that LSU would be an extremely difficult place to keep a job since the track record had proven that even he could even win a national championship one year but be gone one year later. If and when that happened, CBK would have to take a lesser job and would be unlikely to obtain a top tier coaching job again due to his age.

That buyout, however, promised him and his family generational wealth whether he succeeded or failed.

When LSU signaled its intent to not pay the buyout, it was considered a ghastly breach in the world of coaches and their agents. CBK had already called his agent, of course, to come to the rescue.

His agent is Trace Armstrong of Creative Artists Agency (CAA).

Then, all hell broke loose. The governor made a point of grandstanding about the buyout and the AD at LSU left his position immediately. The governor had already painted himself in a corner.

At some point, Kelly’s agent (Trace Armstrong) cooked up a plan with another agent at CAA- enter one named Jimmy Sexton. They absolutely, positively could NOT ALLOW a governor to politically grandstand over a buyout they negotiated. The nonpayment of the buyout would directly cost CAA an estimated $2 million (perhaps a bit more). Even worse, LSU’s success in this endeavor would undermine their entire business.

The problem they had was that LSU had not formally terminated CBK. Instead, they had placed him on administrative leave in order to search thru everything (files, cell phones, computers) in order to find a legally legitimate violation for which they could terminate CBK “for cause.” In other words, they were going to place CBK on leave while they conducted a witch-hunt. There was little doubt they could find something- enough at least to get the job done in the State of Louisiana where the judge and jury would almost certainly be more concerned with LSU’s win-loss record than any notion of true justice.

They needed the Board of Trustees to formally terminate CBK for cause but to do so quickly and before they could carefully construct a more legitimate case for terminating CBK.

The way to do this consisted of two simple steps:

1) Convince LSU that they could obtain a great coach

2) Make that coach so expensive that they could not reasonably and simultaneously afford both the buyout of CBK and the new coach.

3) Convince LSU that the time to strike was now - there was no later.

4) Convince that prospective coach that would serve as the bait to play along- enter Coach Lane Kiffin

5) Have CLK engage in certain activities- the purpose of which would be to convince LSU that they had “their guy”- that were technically not worthy of termination at his current institution but which were a serious breach of decorum.

6) Convince LSU that the deal was “done” save for the final signature.

7) Make it appear that the only reason the pen had not hit the signature line was due to the prop had not been paper was due to CLK’s deep desire to coach his team in the playoffs.

8) Ultimately, pull the rug from LSU and publicly humiliate both the institution and the governor.

9) Ensure that LSU gets no access to any of the coaches they represent (which is virtually all of them) until the buyout is paid in full and certain “other” punitive conditions are met. I will not be discussing those here.

For his part, CLK would get the following:

1) The man who had been a villain to do many would become a hero ((outside of Louisiana, of course)).

2) He would become the highest paid coach in CFB

3) He would be able to inflict untold damage on his current rival and permanent SEC opponent

4) Ultimately, the fan base at his current school would understand his “heel turn” had only been the way things appeared. All would be forgiven.

Please remember- all of this should be considered fiction until such time and events dictate that it is truth.

P.S.-

For LSU, congrats on the victory over WKU last weekend. You may not beat them next year or the next or the next but you definitely got the better of them this year!

For CBK- you are a class act (except for the twerking- you should really not do that again). May you and your family enjoy your retirement (if that’s what you choose to do).

This is embarrassing, even for the slavemaster's wives. Yikes. I'm praying for ya'll.


Posted by rebeloke
Member since Nov 2012
16963 posts
Posted on 11/24/25 at 9:13 pm to
I never let the facts get in the way of a good story so I will allow it. I would love to know how the story ends.
Posted by Mempho
Member since Dec 2021
333 posts
Posted on 11/24/25 at 9:15 pm to
quote:

Brian Kelly is represented by Trace Armstrong of the Athletes First Agency. Lane Kiffin is represented by Jimmy Sexton of the Creative Artist Agency.


My bad- he was at CAA for 15 years though.
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