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Shopping at Kohls rant
Posted on 8/18/16 at 6:35 pm
Posted on 8/18/16 at 6:35 pm
First off, everything is always "on sale" all the time. If it's "on sale" all the time, it's not "on sale." Oh, this shitty pair of dress pants has a price tag of $65 but I can get it today for $30!? WOW! What a great deal!...You aren't fooling anyone, Kohls. No one anywhere is paying $65 for these no-iron, machine washable pants that are barely suitable for McDonalds employees. But that's just an annoying sales tactic, now let me tell you why I really hate Kohls...
I routinely wait longer in Kohl's checkout lines than I wait in the doctor's office. It never fails. There are 4+ registers open and there's only one person ahead of me, but still I find myself standing there waiting so long that I start contemplating walking out the door with my shitty pair of pants and dare them to chase me. At least being chased would be more exciting than standing in that line being forced to think about how pointless my life is standing in this line to buy some stupid fricking dress pants that I can wear while sitting at my stupid fricking desk job.
For those who don't shop at Kohls, you have to be wondering why the hell it takes so long to checkout. Honestly, I have no fricking clue. It's like the checkout person is appraising each clothing item as it's placed on the counter and they haggle back and forth like on pawn stars. I really have no clue what these women are talking about and discussing about the purchases, but it takes longer for Betty Ann to purchase her 2 new work outfits than it does for me to fill out and get approved for a fricking home loan at the bank.
Well I do know part of it is that the checkout person takes so much care in folding and packing away the clothes. It's as if they are assisting the Queen of England pack her suitcase for an overseas voyage. Just scan the item and put it in the bag for Christ's sake! Why are you lining up the edges and folding it 4 ways just so the customer can throw it in their trunk and wash it when they get home?... I also notice the average Kohls customer moves slower than any other business I go into. People at the grocery store are trying to get their food and get out. People at Kohl's seem to have nothing else on their agenda for the next year but shop at fricking Kohls.
So when it's finally my turn to get checked out I get an initial feel of relief, the shopping at Kohls is almost over. But then it happens...
"Do you have a Kohls Charge Card?"
No, I don't have one and please don't start telling me....
"Would you like to sign up for one today? You can earn cash back with every purchase and get a one time discount of 25% off today's purchase."
No, Leslie, I just want to buy this shitty pair of pants. Please leave me alone and just let me pay.
"Do you have a Kohls reward card?"
God dammit Leslie, can't you tell I'm just a dude trying to buy a pair of shitty pants. No, I don't have a rewards card and please don't try to tell me why...
"You can earn Kohl's points with the rewards card that go toward future purchases..."
Just fricking kill me and bury me in these shitty pants. You won't have to iron them...
So after I decline her generous offer to fill my wallet with useless plastic, I pay and think I'm home free. But wait, there's more! She starts writing on the receipt, circling things, initialing things, doing some sort of calculus like she's trying to figure out a way to bring Apollo 13 back home. She looks up..."You've saved $35 shopping with us today!" I just smile and say thank you, inside my mind thinking "I'm pretty sure I just paid $30 today for some shitty pants, but good try though."
I grab my bag and as I'm about to leave..."You've earned $10 of Kohl's Cash!" She hands me a paper slip with a Kohls ad on it. Sorry, Leslie, but this is useless to me. You think I have a spot in my drawers at home where I keep all my Kohl's cash? You think I'm going to file this away in a cabinet for that time within the next month that I need to come back to this godforsaken place because I need some more dress socks and a belt? No, Leslie, I don't. But thanks for wasting more of my time and giving me something else to throw away.
I routinely wait longer in Kohl's checkout lines than I wait in the doctor's office. It never fails. There are 4+ registers open and there's only one person ahead of me, but still I find myself standing there waiting so long that I start contemplating walking out the door with my shitty pair of pants and dare them to chase me. At least being chased would be more exciting than standing in that line being forced to think about how pointless my life is standing in this line to buy some stupid fricking dress pants that I can wear while sitting at my stupid fricking desk job.
For those who don't shop at Kohls, you have to be wondering why the hell it takes so long to checkout. Honestly, I have no fricking clue. It's like the checkout person is appraising each clothing item as it's placed on the counter and they haggle back and forth like on pawn stars. I really have no clue what these women are talking about and discussing about the purchases, but it takes longer for Betty Ann to purchase her 2 new work outfits than it does for me to fill out and get approved for a fricking home loan at the bank.
Well I do know part of it is that the checkout person takes so much care in folding and packing away the clothes. It's as if they are assisting the Queen of England pack her suitcase for an overseas voyage. Just scan the item and put it in the bag for Christ's sake! Why are you lining up the edges and folding it 4 ways just so the customer can throw it in their trunk and wash it when they get home?... I also notice the average Kohls customer moves slower than any other business I go into. People at the grocery store are trying to get their food and get out. People at Kohl's seem to have nothing else on their agenda for the next year but shop at fricking Kohls.
So when it's finally my turn to get checked out I get an initial feel of relief, the shopping at Kohls is almost over. But then it happens...
"Do you have a Kohls Charge Card?"
No, I don't have one and please don't start telling me....
"Would you like to sign up for one today? You can earn cash back with every purchase and get a one time discount of 25% off today's purchase."
No, Leslie, I just want to buy this shitty pair of pants. Please leave me alone and just let me pay.
"Do you have a Kohls reward card?"
God dammit Leslie, can't you tell I'm just a dude trying to buy a pair of shitty pants. No, I don't have a rewards card and please don't try to tell me why...
"You can earn Kohl's points with the rewards card that go toward future purchases..."
Just fricking kill me and bury me in these shitty pants. You won't have to iron them...
So after I decline her generous offer to fill my wallet with useless plastic, I pay and think I'm home free. But wait, there's more! She starts writing on the receipt, circling things, initialing things, doing some sort of calculus like she's trying to figure out a way to bring Apollo 13 back home. She looks up..."You've saved $35 shopping with us today!" I just smile and say thank you, inside my mind thinking "I'm pretty sure I just paid $30 today for some shitty pants, but good try though."
I grab my bag and as I'm about to leave..."You've earned $10 of Kohl's Cash!" She hands me a paper slip with a Kohls ad on it. Sorry, Leslie, but this is useless to me. You think I have a spot in my drawers at home where I keep all my Kohl's cash? You think I'm going to file this away in a cabinet for that time within the next month that I need to come back to this godforsaken place because I need some more dress socks and a belt? No, Leslie, I don't. But thanks for wasting more of my time and giving me something else to throw away.
This post was edited on 8/18/16 at 6:47 pm
Posted on 8/18/16 at 6:48 pm to Jon Ham
That's a wordy essay to state you're buying your clothes at Walmart now.
Posted on 8/18/16 at 6:51 pm to Jon Ham
Oh, one more thing.... It takes me 5 minutes to "unpack" a new pair of pants or a shirt. There's usually 2 stickers to pull off, 8 pins to pullout, and 2 or 3 of those annoying tags attached by plastic string that you need your house's sharpest knife to cut. Who is putting all that shite on these clothes!? I bet half of the cost of the item is just all the time and resources that go into putting all that bullshite on there.
Posted on 8/18/16 at 6:52 pm to Jon Ham
Everything everywhere is "on sale"
Posted on 8/18/16 at 6:53 pm to Jon Ham
This is why I get all my shite at goodwill
Posted on 8/18/16 at 7:02 pm to Jon Ham
quote:
I routinely wait longer in Kohl's checkout lines
quote:
She hands me a paper slip with a Kohls ad on it. Sorry, Leslie, but this is useless to me. You think I have a spot in my drawers at home where I keep all my Kohl's cash?
So you routinely shop at Kohl's but don't take advantage of their discounts?
Posted on 8/18/16 at 7:06 pm to MIZ_COU
quote:
This is why I get all my shite at goodwill
That explains a lot.
Posted on 8/18/16 at 7:07 pm to Pavoloco83
we have a very upscale goodwill
Posted on 8/18/16 at 7:11 pm to Jon Ham
My man
I have this rant with my gf every time we go there and it's like her favorite store ever.
I have this rant with my gf every time we go there and it's like her favorite store ever.
Posted on 8/18/16 at 7:19 pm to PrivatePublic
quote:
So you routinely shop at Kohl's but don't take advantage of their discounts?
Was I not clear in the OP?
edit: I shop there 2 or 3 times a year on average.
2nd edit: and I wasn't complaining about their prices being too high, so I'm not sure what your point is.
This post was edited on 8/18/16 at 7:21 pm
Posted on 8/18/16 at 7:53 pm to Jon Ham
True story.. it's the only CC I have at the moment.
Hit when they send a 30% coupon out. Get the CC discount, buy off the 50% or greater rack. I hardly pay shite for clothes. Am I stylish? frick no, but idgas. I'm old people now.
Hit when they send a 30% coupon out. Get the CC discount, buy off the 50% or greater rack. I hardly pay shite for clothes. Am I stylish? frick no, but idgas. I'm old people now.
Posted on 8/18/16 at 8:18 pm to Jon Ham
You shop?
Turn in your man card.
Turn in your man card.
Posted on 8/18/16 at 8:34 pm to Jon Ham
quote:
Jon Ham
My wife loves that fricking store
This post was edited on 8/18/16 at 9:19 pm
Posted on 8/18/16 at 9:11 pm to Jon Ham
Go to Nordstrom rack, you'll have the same miserable experience but the clothes are nicer.
Posted on 8/19/16 at 7:21 am to Jon Ham
P good rant, and pretty damn accurate. Only things I go to Kohl's for are socks and underwear, and it takes forfrickingever every damn time.
Posted on 8/19/16 at 8:40 am to blacknblu
quote:
My wife loves that fricking store
Y'all must not have a Burlington's there. Much better than Kohls, even better prices, the prices they list as what you'd pay elsewhere is actually accurate, no hassle at checkout and a much larger selection in clothing, bedding, kitchen items, etc. She'd be totally hooked on Burlington's if she ever went to one. I absolutely love that place.
Posted on 8/19/16 at 8:42 am to Carolina_Girl
Honestly, it seems to depend on the city.
Kohl's in Kansas City wasn't bad at all. Not a fan of the ones here in SA.
Of course, I'm also pretty easy to please when it comes to shopping
Kohl's in Kansas City wasn't bad at all. Not a fan of the ones here in SA.
Of course, I'm also pretty easy to please when it comes to shopping
Posted on 8/19/16 at 9:07 am to Ham Malone
quote:
Go to Nordstrom rack, you'll have the same miserable experience but the clothes are nicer.
Also this. I was skeptical of the place until my wife dragged me there. I ended up spending more than she did for some new work clothes.
Posted on 8/19/16 at 9:58 am to Jon Ham
I hate how they send out coupons like "30% Off!" when the store has the same deal or near it.
Posted on 8/19/16 at 10:08 am to Alahunter
Impatient dick like you should shop online.
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