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All We Do Is Win
Posted on 12/27/11 at 9:09 am
Posted on 12/27/11 at 9:09 am
All We Do Is Win
The SEC Riviera Roundup National Championship Edition
By Chris E. Warner
December 26, 2011
WARNING: This column will certainly disturb devout Alabama football fans. Those pulling for the Crimson Tide on January 9 should avoid reading it at all costs, as it will make their wait excruciating, casting a looming shadow of doubt over their already slim chances at victory.
The national championship rematch of what was previously hyped as college football’s “Game of the Century” has confounded fans and challenged the long-term viability and fairness of the embattled, NCAA-sanctioned, BCS system that created it. In the process, the one-loss Alabama Crimson Tide has become the orphaned BCS poster child who royally backed its way into the national championship game. However, while Crimson Tide fans are elated to find themselves in the Superdome on January 9th, they should be gravely concerned about the matchup, as the Tigers are 4-0 in BCS games in New Orleans—a place where all they do is win.
In this featured holiday piece we will focus on the game that must attempt for the media’s sake to eclipse in entertainment value the avalanche of pre-game hype produced by its November 5th predecessor. We will break down each program, the coaches and players, and their eventual chances for success in the ultimate clash for the crystal; as well as take our regular, year’s end, armchair quarterback tour across the nation’s toughest conference, the SEC.
Backing Into the National Championship Game
Consider for a moment that if it had been LSU--and not Alabama, who lost November 5th in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Would a one-loss LSU—having played the nation’s toughest schedule—have received a mulligan like the Crimson Tide? It is doubtable.
Leading to the BCS Championship Game selection on December 4th, ESPN (Entertainment and Sports Programming Network) shamelessly promoted a rematch, even though they benefited financially much more from an LSU-Alabama rematch. In this sordid BCS episode, what was better for ESPN’s bottom line was more important than what was best for American college football; which is all the more reason why ESPN should only be in the business of influencing public opinion regarding who will win the national championship playoff, instead of which two teams are deserving of playing in a single national championship game.
It is hard to fault Alabama for winding up in the National Championship Game. Obviously their home loss against the greatest team in college football history in front of a most hostile, sellout crowd was the year’s most impressive; and certainly deserving of a rematch for a shot at all the marbles, regardless if it ensured an SEC National Championship monopoly at the price of ESPN’s profit. Therefore, if you are upset over the final pairing, blame an obviously flawed, media-influenced system that is not without unjust political influence as well.
The NCAA a year ago turned a blind eye to Auburn winning the national championship with the help of what effectively was a semi-professional athlete in Heisman winner Cam Newton, whose father effectively shopped him around to not one, but two different SEC schools. Recently the NCAA announced that it would not punish Auburn for ostensibly destroying any remaining credibility the organization had. Today, the NCAA is a bad joke, led by a puppet, Mark Emmert, the biggest phony to ever pose as an LSU academician; and the current NCAA President.
Therefore, as this game approaches, understand that it is merely the creation of a well-oiled, financially-biased, politically jaded machine that well serves its originators—a cadre of colluding, compromised NCAA and SEC officials who have used their unprecedented national clout to bring fortune and fame to a region weaned on, and criminally addicted to, winning college football.
LSU already is the nation’s best team—having beaten Alabama in its own back yard during the all-important regular season and the University of Georgia in the conference championship. Playing Alabama again does not negate these irrevocable facts.
Nothing to Show For the Season for Alabama
SEC Champion LSU enjoys the conference crown, an undefeated record and all the holiday spoils of victory associated with a team in its position. Conversely, Alabama, a team with only a single blemish on an otherwise stellar record, has had nothing to brag about over the holidays except an impending matchup against a team that it already succumbed to inside the confines of vaunted Bryant Denny Stadium. Now they must play that same damn strong team in New Orleans, where the voo doo of Marie Laveau is as real as LSU’s head football coach. Alabama players and fans have only the cruel, elusive hope of redemption on a mystifying foreign soil.
Saban Versus Miles
Les Miles, a coach who just a season ago was labeled a moron by the media elite, is now the proverbial daddy of the darling of the media. Miles is Saban’s daddy. When Saban needs to pee he calls Les Miles to ask if it is okay. After he loses a third straight time to Miles on January 9, Saban will be Miles’ bitch. Therefore, when Les wins a fourth straight time in Baton Rouge in November 2012, a crazed Alabama fanbase will call incessantly for his statuesque head.
Richardson Versus the Honey Badger
Trent Richardson is casually referred to as a beast. In the African bush, the honey badger commonly brings down carnivorous beasts many times its diminutive size. While these two players receive most of the media attention, there are many other outstanding players worthy of the praise. Nevertheless, Trent and Tyrann are the heart and soul of their respective teams, as their games most typify style of play. The Honey Badger has momentum on his side, lately posting an uncanny, almost newfound ability to masterfully return punts, to go along with his ever-innovative ball-hawking skills. Richardson is coming off a dominating Auburn performance. Mathieu is college football’s premier playmaker. Had he not smoked the fake bake he would have certainly improved his early Heisman showing. Next year he will be a Heisman favorite, LSU’s first in many years. Richardson is assuredly a professional draft lock, as he will be a first-rounder.
Around the Nation’s Most Dominant League
Arkansas - Bobby Petrino made a deal with the devil. He promised to exercise little to no public decorum or professional courtesy while seeking the ever-elusive national championship. In exchange the devil of course promised an imminent crystal ball. Petrino is dumb and crude enough to trust the devil. And the heaven is in the details. Petrino easily wins the jerk of the year award in college football for flipping off and dog cussing Coach Miles and then refusing to shake his hand after the Razorbacks’ 41-17 loss in Baton Rouge. Hog fans are slowly realizing that defense wins championships. Good luck on the recruiting trail Bobby. Arkansas plays Kansas State in the Cotton Bowl.
Auburn – Somebody in the Athletic Department didn’t like Auburn Offensive Coordinator Gus Malzahn. Whether it was Gene Chizik or one of his de facto bosses will likely remain a mystery. Malzahn oddly will take over newly-crowned Ole Miss Head Coach Hugh Freeze’s position at Arkansas State in beautiful Jonesboro, where he will share space with former LSU Basketball Coach John Brady. Auburn plays Virginia in the Chick-Fil-A Bowl.
Ole Miss – Houston Nutt has disappeared into the abyss of college football coaching, succumbing like so many others before him to the most prolific coaching black hole in the SEC. Go ahead and add Hugh Freeze to this long, dud-studded list of the coaching disappeared. Ole Miss grads who passed math now realize, with the ad
The SEC Riviera Roundup National Championship Edition
By Chris E. Warner
December 26, 2011
WARNING: This column will certainly disturb devout Alabama football fans. Those pulling for the Crimson Tide on January 9 should avoid reading it at all costs, as it will make their wait excruciating, casting a looming shadow of doubt over their already slim chances at victory.
The national championship rematch of what was previously hyped as college football’s “Game of the Century” has confounded fans and challenged the long-term viability and fairness of the embattled, NCAA-sanctioned, BCS system that created it. In the process, the one-loss Alabama Crimson Tide has become the orphaned BCS poster child who royally backed its way into the national championship game. However, while Crimson Tide fans are elated to find themselves in the Superdome on January 9th, they should be gravely concerned about the matchup, as the Tigers are 4-0 in BCS games in New Orleans—a place where all they do is win.
In this featured holiday piece we will focus on the game that must attempt for the media’s sake to eclipse in entertainment value the avalanche of pre-game hype produced by its November 5th predecessor. We will break down each program, the coaches and players, and their eventual chances for success in the ultimate clash for the crystal; as well as take our regular, year’s end, armchair quarterback tour across the nation’s toughest conference, the SEC.
Backing Into the National Championship Game
Consider for a moment that if it had been LSU--and not Alabama, who lost November 5th in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Would a one-loss LSU—having played the nation’s toughest schedule—have received a mulligan like the Crimson Tide? It is doubtable.
Leading to the BCS Championship Game selection on December 4th, ESPN (Entertainment and Sports Programming Network) shamelessly promoted a rematch, even though they benefited financially much more from an LSU-Alabama rematch. In this sordid BCS episode, what was better for ESPN’s bottom line was more important than what was best for American college football; which is all the more reason why ESPN should only be in the business of influencing public opinion regarding who will win the national championship playoff, instead of which two teams are deserving of playing in a single national championship game.
It is hard to fault Alabama for winding up in the National Championship Game. Obviously their home loss against the greatest team in college football history in front of a most hostile, sellout crowd was the year’s most impressive; and certainly deserving of a rematch for a shot at all the marbles, regardless if it ensured an SEC National Championship monopoly at the price of ESPN’s profit. Therefore, if you are upset over the final pairing, blame an obviously flawed, media-influenced system that is not without unjust political influence as well.
The NCAA a year ago turned a blind eye to Auburn winning the national championship with the help of what effectively was a semi-professional athlete in Heisman winner Cam Newton, whose father effectively shopped him around to not one, but two different SEC schools. Recently the NCAA announced that it would not punish Auburn for ostensibly destroying any remaining credibility the organization had. Today, the NCAA is a bad joke, led by a puppet, Mark Emmert, the biggest phony to ever pose as an LSU academician; and the current NCAA President.
Therefore, as this game approaches, understand that it is merely the creation of a well-oiled, financially-biased, politically jaded machine that well serves its originators—a cadre of colluding, compromised NCAA and SEC officials who have used their unprecedented national clout to bring fortune and fame to a region weaned on, and criminally addicted to, winning college football.
LSU already is the nation’s best team—having beaten Alabama in its own back yard during the all-important regular season and the University of Georgia in the conference championship. Playing Alabama again does not negate these irrevocable facts.
Nothing to Show For the Season for Alabama
SEC Champion LSU enjoys the conference crown, an undefeated record and all the holiday spoils of victory associated with a team in its position. Conversely, Alabama, a team with only a single blemish on an otherwise stellar record, has had nothing to brag about over the holidays except an impending matchup against a team that it already succumbed to inside the confines of vaunted Bryant Denny Stadium. Now they must play that same damn strong team in New Orleans, where the voo doo of Marie Laveau is as real as LSU’s head football coach. Alabama players and fans have only the cruel, elusive hope of redemption on a mystifying foreign soil.
Saban Versus Miles
Les Miles, a coach who just a season ago was labeled a moron by the media elite, is now the proverbial daddy of the darling of the media. Miles is Saban’s daddy. When Saban needs to pee he calls Les Miles to ask if it is okay. After he loses a third straight time to Miles on January 9, Saban will be Miles’ bitch. Therefore, when Les wins a fourth straight time in Baton Rouge in November 2012, a crazed Alabama fanbase will call incessantly for his statuesque head.
Richardson Versus the Honey Badger
Trent Richardson is casually referred to as a beast. In the African bush, the honey badger commonly brings down carnivorous beasts many times its diminutive size. While these two players receive most of the media attention, there are many other outstanding players worthy of the praise. Nevertheless, Trent and Tyrann are the heart and soul of their respective teams, as their games most typify style of play. The Honey Badger has momentum on his side, lately posting an uncanny, almost newfound ability to masterfully return punts, to go along with his ever-innovative ball-hawking skills. Richardson is coming off a dominating Auburn performance. Mathieu is college football’s premier playmaker. Had he not smoked the fake bake he would have certainly improved his early Heisman showing. Next year he will be a Heisman favorite, LSU’s first in many years. Richardson is assuredly a professional draft lock, as he will be a first-rounder.
Around the Nation’s Most Dominant League
Arkansas - Bobby Petrino made a deal with the devil. He promised to exercise little to no public decorum or professional courtesy while seeking the ever-elusive national championship. In exchange the devil of course promised an imminent crystal ball. Petrino is dumb and crude enough to trust the devil. And the heaven is in the details. Petrino easily wins the jerk of the year award in college football for flipping off and dog cussing Coach Miles and then refusing to shake his hand after the Razorbacks’ 41-17 loss in Baton Rouge. Hog fans are slowly realizing that defense wins championships. Good luck on the recruiting trail Bobby. Arkansas plays Kansas State in the Cotton Bowl.
Auburn – Somebody in the Athletic Department didn’t like Auburn Offensive Coordinator Gus Malzahn. Whether it was Gene Chizik or one of his de facto bosses will likely remain a mystery. Malzahn oddly will take over newly-crowned Ole Miss Head Coach Hugh Freeze’s position at Arkansas State in beautiful Jonesboro, where he will share space with former LSU Basketball Coach John Brady. Auburn plays Virginia in the Chick-Fil-A Bowl.
Ole Miss – Houston Nutt has disappeared into the abyss of college football coaching, succumbing like so many others before him to the most prolific coaching black hole in the SEC. Go ahead and add Hugh Freeze to this long, dud-studded list of the coaching disappeared. Ole Miss grads who passed math now realize, with the ad
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Posted on 12/27/11 at 9:10 am to Chris Warner
tl;dr
Posted on 12/27/11 at 9:11 am to Chris Warner
Posted on 12/27/11 at 9:12 am to Chris Warner
quote:
Auburn – Somebody in the Athletic Department didn’t like Auburn Offensive Coordinator Gus Malzahn. Whether it was Gene Chizik or one of his de facto bosses will likely remain a mystery
lol wut?
I'm guessing he is using some creative journalism here?
Posted on 12/27/11 at 9:15 am to Chris Warner
2,000+ words to say LSU will win while demonstrating proficiency with a thesaurus.
Oy.
Oy.
Posted on 12/27/11 at 9:17 am to Chris Warner
quote:
Consider for a moment that if it had been LSU--and not Alabama, who lost November 5th in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Would a one-loss LSU—having played the nation’s toughest schedule—have received a mulligan like the Crimson Tide? It is doubtable.
I'm calling bullshite on this, Chris. w/ our OOC schedule & only losing to bama on the road, we would certainly be in the rematch. I don't think this is even debatable.
This post was edited on 12/27/11 at 9:18 am
Posted on 12/27/11 at 9:21 am to GoCrazyAuburn
Na the guy is just an idiot who thinks typing two thousand words makes him a sports journalist. Anyone who commends him is as stupid as he is.
Posted on 12/27/11 at 9:22 am to Chris Warner
You jinxing mf'er
Posted on 12/27/11 at 9:28 am to Chris Warner
quote:
WARNING: This column will certainly disturb devout Alabama football fans. Those pulling for the Crimson Tide on January 9 should avoid reading it at all costs, as it will make their wait excruciating, casting a looming shadow of doubt over their already slim chances at victory.
Posted on 12/27/11 at 9:31 am to Chris Warner
quote::secretplaybook:
expect more scoring as the speedier Tigers will likely open up the offense with a bevy of unforeseen passing routes and plays. In short, Saban has had over a month to prepare for what he doesn’t know Miles will do.
Posted on 12/27/11 at 9:32 am to Honkus
quote:
I'm calling bullshite on this, Chris. w/ our OOC schedule & only losing to bama on the road, we would certainly be in the rematch. I don't think this is even debatable.
+1
Ended the reading there.
Posted on 12/27/11 at 9:33 am to Dribble
quote:
secretplaybook:
Still option to near side. Its a double secret play.
Posted on 12/27/11 at 9:33 am to Chris Warner
drivel
Posted on 12/27/11 at 9:35 am to Chris Warner
quote:
*Chris Warner is the author of “A Tailgater’s Guide to SEC Football, Volume III,” “The Wagon to Disaster” (The untold story of HealthSouth), and the forthcoming, “Bushwhacked at the Flora-Bama” (April 2012). He is a double LSU graduate who lives part-time at the Flora-Bama on the Alabama and Florida State Line.
Alahunter is laughing at the use of third person reference at the end of Chris Warner's article. Alahunter finds it amusing, and would never do anything like that.
Posted on 12/27/11 at 9:36 am to Alahunter
quote:
He is a double LSU graduate who lives part-time at the Flora-Bama
Posted on 12/27/11 at 9:40 am to Alahunter
quote:
who lives part-time at the Flora-Bama
Who would want to live at that dump?
Posted on 12/27/11 at 9:44 am to AUnite
Double Lsu grads.
Posted on 12/27/11 at 9:45 am to Chris Warner
Ultimate homer article.
Something I would expect Alahunter to post.
Something I would expect Alahunter to post.
Posted on 12/27/11 at 9:50 am to Chris Warner
quote:
The NCAA a year ago turned a blind eye to Auburn winning the national championship with the help of what effectively was a semi-professional athlete in Heisman winner Cam Newton, whose father effectively shopped him around to not one,
The author is very effective in effectively using the word "effectively" in this effective sentence.
Posted on 12/27/11 at 9:51 am to AUnite
quote:
Who would want to live at that dump?
It's Kenny Stabler's mailing address.
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