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PREMATURE E-GUMPULATION-----HELP IS AVAILABLE
Posted on 10/27/09 at 10:18 am
Posted on 10/27/09 at 10:18 am
So sorry to interrupt this premature GUMP VICTORY LAP....but I feel I must remind you, as sort of a public service, a critical mental -health warning if you will, that NOVEMBER is only DAYS away.
And thus the dreaded and Decade-long Season-End CRIMSON SWOON is about to begin. It's a cherished community TURDITION in Tuscaloosa, like the Passing of the Meth Pipe, or the Raising Of The Single Wide.
I know that Meth-Addled Gumps everywhere think the season has ended and they have already been awarded a championship of some kind.
Psychiatrists now refer to this phenomenon as PREMATURE E-GUMPULATION.
For the better part of a decade these feckless Gumps have been making a sticky mess of things (eewwwww) in late October, mass-producing t-shirts, holding parties where they refer to themselves as "Bestest Gump Ever"....and then....sadly....inevitably...as if the Universe was conspiring against them.....The dreaded November Crimson Swoon.
Louisiana directional schools, Mountain West teams, SEC foes, it doesn't matter. Post-October Bama futility is consistent and demoralizing to the Gump faithful. They just can't seem to FINISH.
Alas,They have already shot their collective wad FAR TOO EARLY. Much like their Herve Villichez-like-head coach , the diminutive and screamy Tiny Dancer, Lilliputian-In-Chief-Nick Saban's hair color, they seem to FADE DOWN THE STRETCH.
This late season LIMPNESS is a touchy-touchy subject around the Gumps, especially their hearty, truck-stop cruising women-folk, who must wait through January before the male Gumps are able to get it working again. For this reason, it is essential that you approach these mostly bearded & mustachioed women with care, as these women can be a little needy this time of year.
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: As an added bonus, your Humble Pimpness will be offering free counseling services to Gumps suffering from this awful, dysfunctional disease, starting at 6:30 pm on November 7, 2009. I and other mental health professionals will be here to help you work through the feelings of loss associated with this horrible annual affliction.
Help is available.
Operators will be standing by.
Free of charge.
Because we care.
And thus the dreaded and Decade-long Season-End CRIMSON SWOON is about to begin. It's a cherished community TURDITION in Tuscaloosa, like the Passing of the Meth Pipe, or the Raising Of The Single Wide.
I know that Meth-Addled Gumps everywhere think the season has ended and they have already been awarded a championship of some kind.
Psychiatrists now refer to this phenomenon as PREMATURE E-GUMPULATION.
For the better part of a decade these feckless Gumps have been making a sticky mess of things (eewwwww) in late October, mass-producing t-shirts, holding parties where they refer to themselves as "Bestest Gump Ever"....and then....sadly....inevitably...as if the Universe was conspiring against them.....The dreaded November Crimson Swoon.
Louisiana directional schools, Mountain West teams, SEC foes, it doesn't matter. Post-October Bama futility is consistent and demoralizing to the Gump faithful. They just can't seem to FINISH.
Alas,They have already shot their collective wad FAR TOO EARLY. Much like their Herve Villichez-like-head coach , the diminutive and screamy Tiny Dancer, Lilliputian-In-Chief-Nick Saban's hair color, they seem to FADE DOWN THE STRETCH.
This late season LIMPNESS is a touchy-touchy subject around the Gumps, especially their hearty, truck-stop cruising women-folk, who must wait through January before the male Gumps are able to get it working again. For this reason, it is essential that you approach these mostly bearded & mustachioed women with care, as these women can be a little needy this time of year.
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: As an added bonus, your Humble Pimpness will be offering free counseling services to Gumps suffering from this awful, dysfunctional disease, starting at 6:30 pm on November 7, 2009. I and other mental health professionals will be here to help you work through the feelings of loss associated with this horrible annual affliction.
Help is available.
Operators will be standing by.
Free of charge.
Because we care.
Posted on 10/27/09 at 10:27 am to lsutiger2
Follow up recomended after 11/14/09.
Help is available.
Operators will be standing by.
Free of charge.
Because we care.
Help is available.
Operators will be standing by.
Free of charge.
Because we care.
Posted on 10/27/09 at 10:29 am to Lsupimp
Supreme bump material if we don't win,but dang ,that's funny.
Posted on 10/27/09 at 10:29 am to jhamil25
Another corndog obsessed with everything Bama.
This post was edited on 10/27/09 at 10:30 am
Posted on 10/27/09 at 11:43 am to Metry Tiger 82
Please.
For the love of God.
I have received an OVERWHELMING number of hysterical pleading calls from suffering Gumps.
As much as I would like to be able to offer free counseling now, please wait until November 8 when we will have our full allocation of operators standing by.
For the love of God.
I have received an OVERWHELMING number of hysterical pleading calls from suffering Gumps.
As much as I would like to be able to offer free counseling now, please wait until November 8 when we will have our full allocation of operators standing by.
Posted on 10/27/09 at 11:46 am to Lsupimp
quote:
I know that Meth-Addled Gumps everywhere think the season has ended and they have already been awarded a championship of some kind.
Classy.
This post was edited on 10/27/09 at 11:47 am
Posted on 10/27/09 at 11:56 am to THEBEARLIVES
The first sign of the onset of PREMATURE E-GUMPULATION is being of sullen humor and the inability to laugh at one's own foibles...
Seek Help Immediately !
Seek Help Immediately !
Posted on 10/27/09 at 12:00 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
PREMATURE E-GUMPULATION
I cant believe that AuburnCPA didnt come up with this one first.
Posted on 10/27/09 at 12:28 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
The first sign of the onset of PREMATURE E-GUMPULATION is being of sullen humor and the inability to laugh at one's own foibles...
I don't do that shite neither does anyone I know. It's cool to call a fanbase meth addicts because its a "foible", but if I posted Katrina pics I would be banned. Why don't you laugh at that "foible" a-hole.
Posted on 10/27/09 at 12:46 pm to Lsupimp
For all the Bama flames directed at LSU, this one flame takes care of all of them.
Posted on 10/27/09 at 12:47 pm to THEBEARLIVES
quote:
I don't do that shite neither does anyone I know. It's cool to call a fanbase meth addicts because its a "foible", but if I posted Katrina pics I would be banned. Why don't you laugh at that "foible" a-hole.
It's almost too good to be true that this little puffed-up fart of a Gump newbie calls himself "THEBEARLIVES".
And then, as if he discovered REASON last week, ARGUMENT last night, and HUMORLESS WANKERY a lifetime ago, posts that semi-hysterical but tragically unintentional COMEDY GOLD.
AAAARR katrina er um The Bear....arrrgghhh meth ......
Every once in a while God throws a bone my way.
Posted on 10/27/09 at 12:49 pm to siliconvalleytiger
Your in this by yourself.... LINK
Posted on 10/27/09 at 1:43 pm to Irondoctor
Just the kind of half-hearted, disinterested, limp effort I would expect from a sufferer.
Posted on 10/27/09 at 1:51 pm to Lsupimp
Pimp,
May I offer my professional services to the team. I am especially qualified to evaluate and treat and Gumps who have injured their heads from repeatedly banging them against the wall following their loss.
PsychTiger, Ph.D.
May I offer my professional services to the team. I am especially qualified to evaluate and treat and Gumps who have injured their heads from repeatedly banging them against the wall following their loss.
PsychTiger, Ph.D.
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