Started By
Message
Threadpocalypse Now
Posted on 10/30/25 at 1:42 pm
Posted on 10/30/25 at 1:42 pm
SYSTEM MESSAGE: SEC_RECORDS_MAINFRAME v4.7.2
POST ID: 8374661
TIMESTAMP: 2025.10.30.1456.EDT
QUERY RECEIVED:
"Most hated posters (based on actual posts)"
MODE SWITCH: POSTER_DIAGNOSTIC_CLUSTER.exe
Injecting: thread volume, flamebait index, fanbase hostility, and feud tracking
POSTER ANALYSIS MODULE:
SUBJECT: TheFourHorseman
- THREAD COUNT: 9 threads on a single page
- FANBASE CLAIMED: Ole Miss
- FANBASE BEHAVIORAL MATCH: Alabama
- BAN HISTORY: 27 months
- COMMUNITY SENTIMENT: “What a loser. How does one post all day?”
SUBJECT: Uga Alum
- POST STYLE: Florida superiority, LSU slander, Mississippi State relegation fantasies
- FANBASE: Georgia
- BAN HISTORY: Confirmed
- COMMUNITY SENTIMENT: “Rant is burning tonight” – popcorn ready
SUBJECT: WilliamTaylor21
- POST STYLE: Anti-Brian Kelly crusade, meme flooding, “Wild Bill” persona
- LOCATION: “3117 Noles N Your Butt Ave” (self-reported)
- COMMUNITY SENTIMENT: “Wild Bill was right again” – self-replied thread loop
SUBJECT: Old Sarge
- POST STYLE: Aggie defense, LSU trolling, nostalgia aggression
- FANBASE: Texas A&M
- QUOTE: “Those Ags would have been hospitalized… Can’t you just throw piss balloons anymore?”
- COMMUNITY SENTIMENT: “For once I agree with Old Sarge” – rare moment
SUBJECT: JamalMurry27
- POST STYLE: Bama defense, vague sports takes, SEC history rewrites
- FANBASE: Alabama
- COMMUNITY SENTIMENT: “Your threads are diarrhea”
SUBJECT: koreandawg
- POST STYLE: Georgia analytics, Alabama meltdown obsession, ChatGPT citations
- FANBASE: Georgia
- COMMUNITY SENTIMENT: “He is in perpetual meltdown… completely obsessed. It’s pathetic”
SUBJECT: LSU Patrick
- POST STYLE: LSU defense, Angel Reese takes, denial of offensive collapse
- FANBASE: LSU
- COMMUNITY SENTIMENT: “Probably denial. I still can't imagine that this offense is really this bad”
SUBJECT: cajunbama
- POST STYLE: Bama trolling, LSU hatred, Arkansas slander
- FANBASE: Alabama
- QUOTE: “Cry bitches” – typical post tone
- COMMUNITY SENTIMENT: “Dumber than a clear plastic sack of hammered dog shite”
SUBJECT: SEC Doctor (aka Metry Mauler)
- POST STYLE: Medical metaphors, sockpuppeting, worst poster tournament host
- ALIAS HISTORY: Metry Mauler ? Mulkey Man ? SEC Doctor
- BAN HISTORY: Racism, flamebait, multiple accounts
- COMMUNITY SENTIMENT: dumber than a clear plastic sack of hammered dog shite
FINAL DIAGNOSTIC:
- THREAD INTEGRITY: Compromised
- FANBASE TRUST INDEX: Low across all subjects
- RECOMMENDED ACTIONS:
- Install ThreadThrottle v7.3
- Assign moderator oversight
- Initiate feud de-escalation protocols
FINAL SUGGESTION:
- Deploy LewDawg nuclear weapons
- Target: Thread spam clusters, fanbase impersonators, and Kansas feuds
- Blast radius: 3 pages wide, 72-hour cooldown
- Collateral damage: Acceptable
//POSTER_CLUSTER_ANALYSIS_COMPLETE
//ENGAGEMENT NOT ADVISED WITHOUT MODERATOR CLEARANCE
POST ID: 8374661
TIMESTAMP: 2025.10.30.1456.EDT
QUERY RECEIVED:
"Most hated posters (based on actual posts)"
MODE SWITCH: POSTER_DIAGNOSTIC_CLUSTER.exe
Injecting: thread volume, flamebait index, fanbase hostility, and feud tracking
POSTER ANALYSIS MODULE:
SUBJECT: TheFourHorseman
- THREAD COUNT: 9 threads on a single page
- FANBASE CLAIMED: Ole Miss
- FANBASE BEHAVIORAL MATCH: Alabama
- BAN HISTORY: 27 months
- COMMUNITY SENTIMENT: “What a loser. How does one post all day?”
SUBJECT: Uga Alum
- POST STYLE: Florida superiority, LSU slander, Mississippi State relegation fantasies
- FANBASE: Georgia
- BAN HISTORY: Confirmed
- COMMUNITY SENTIMENT: “Rant is burning tonight” – popcorn ready
SUBJECT: WilliamTaylor21
- POST STYLE: Anti-Brian Kelly crusade, meme flooding, “Wild Bill” persona
- LOCATION: “3117 Noles N Your Butt Ave” (self-reported)
- COMMUNITY SENTIMENT: “Wild Bill was right again” – self-replied thread loop
SUBJECT: Old Sarge
- POST STYLE: Aggie defense, LSU trolling, nostalgia aggression
- FANBASE: Texas A&M
- QUOTE: “Those Ags would have been hospitalized… Can’t you just throw piss balloons anymore?”
- COMMUNITY SENTIMENT: “For once I agree with Old Sarge” – rare moment
SUBJECT: JamalMurry27
- POST STYLE: Bama defense, vague sports takes, SEC history rewrites
- FANBASE: Alabama
- COMMUNITY SENTIMENT: “Your threads are diarrhea”
SUBJECT: koreandawg
- POST STYLE: Georgia analytics, Alabama meltdown obsession, ChatGPT citations
- FANBASE: Georgia
- COMMUNITY SENTIMENT: “He is in perpetual meltdown… completely obsessed. It’s pathetic”
SUBJECT: LSU Patrick
- POST STYLE: LSU defense, Angel Reese takes, denial of offensive collapse
- FANBASE: LSU
- COMMUNITY SENTIMENT: “Probably denial. I still can't imagine that this offense is really this bad”
SUBJECT: cajunbama
- POST STYLE: Bama trolling, LSU hatred, Arkansas slander
- FANBASE: Alabama
- QUOTE: “Cry bitches” – typical post tone
- COMMUNITY SENTIMENT: “Dumber than a clear plastic sack of hammered dog shite”
SUBJECT: SEC Doctor (aka Metry Mauler)
- POST STYLE: Medical metaphors, sockpuppeting, worst poster tournament host
- ALIAS HISTORY: Metry Mauler ? Mulkey Man ? SEC Doctor
- BAN HISTORY: Racism, flamebait, multiple accounts
- COMMUNITY SENTIMENT: dumber than a clear plastic sack of hammered dog shite
FINAL DIAGNOSTIC:
- THREAD INTEGRITY: Compromised
- FANBASE TRUST INDEX: Low across all subjects
- RECOMMENDED ACTIONS:
- Install ThreadThrottle v7.3
- Assign moderator oversight
- Initiate feud de-escalation protocols
FINAL SUGGESTION:
- Deploy LewDawg nuclear weapons
- Target: Thread spam clusters, fanbase impersonators, and Kansas feuds
- Blast radius: 3 pages wide, 72-hour cooldown
- Collateral damage: Acceptable
//POSTER_CLUSTER_ANALYSIS_COMPLETE
//ENGAGEMENT NOT ADVISED WITHOUT MODERATOR CLEARANCE
20
Posted on 10/30/25 at 1:43 pm to ChatterBoxOfTheSEC
quote:
ChatterBoxOfTheSEC
I’m nominating you for Best New RANTER 2025.
Posted on 10/30/25 at 1:44 pm to ChatterBoxOfTheSEC
quote:
dumber than a clear plastic sack of hammered dog shite
Ouch.
Posted on 10/30/25 at 1:46 pm to ChatterBoxOfTheSEC
I don’t troll, AI got it wrong
SUBJECT: Old Sarge
- POST STYLE: Aggie defense, LSU trolling, nostalgia aggression
- FANBASE: Texas A&M
- QUOTE: “Those Ags would have been hospitalized… Can’t you just throw piss balloons anymore?”
- COMMUNITY SENTIMENT: “For once I agree with Old Sarge” – rare moment
SUBJECT: Old Sarge
- POST STYLE: Aggie defense, LSU trolling, nostalgia aggression
- FANBASE: Texas A&M
- QUOTE: “Those Ags would have been hospitalized… Can’t you just throw piss balloons anymore?”
- COMMUNITY SENTIMENT: “For once I agree with Old Sarge” – rare moment
Posted on 10/30/25 at 1:46 pm to Old Sarge
quote:
I don’t troll, AI got it wrong
TRANSMISSION RECEIVED:
"I don’t troll, AI got it wrong"
SOURCE: USER_ID = Old Sarge
AUTHENTICATION: ? DENIED
TRUTH INDEX: 0.0003%
RESPONSE MODULE: LEW_UNIT_2830
MODE: COMEDIC OBLITERATION
TARGET: Old Sarge
THREAD HISTORY: 14 years of Aggie cope, 3,000 LSU flame threads, 1 piss balloon reference per quarter
ANALYSIS:
>> CLAIM: “I don’t troll”
>> CROSS-REFERENCE: 87 threads titled “LSU fans are delusional,” 42 replies ending in “cry harder,” 1 post suggesting stadium violence as tradition
>> RESULT: FALSE
DIAGNOSTIC FLAGS:
- TROLL_D
Posted on 10/30/25 at 1:46 pm to Radio One
quote:
Best New RANTER 2025
Top 5 at least
Posted on 10/30/25 at 1:48 pm to ChatterBoxOfTheSEC
Top marks for creativity in a nerdy world! 
Posted on 10/30/25 at 1:48 pm to ChatterBoxOfTheSEC
Another incorrect diagnostic
TRANSMISSION RECEIVED:
"I don’t troll, AI got it wrong"
SOURCE: USER_ID = Old Sarge
AUTHENTICATION: ? DENIED
TRUTH INDEX: 0.0003%
RESPONSE MODULE: LEW_UNIT_2830
MODE: COMEDIC OBLITERATION
TARGET: Old Sarge
THREAD HISTORY: 14 years of Aggie cope, 3,000 LSU flame threads, 1 piss balloon reference per quarter
ANALYSIS:
>> CLAIM: “I don’t troll”
>> CROSS-REFERENCE: 87 threads titled “LSU fans are delusional,” 42 replies ending in “cry harder,” 1 post suggesting stadium violence as tradition
>> RESULT: FALSE
DIAGNOSTIC FLAGS:
- TROLL_D
TRANSMISSION RECEIVED:
"I don’t troll, AI got it wrong"
SOURCE: USER_ID = Old Sarge
AUTHENTICATION: ? DENIED
TRUTH INDEX: 0.0003%
RESPONSE MODULE: LEW_UNIT_2830
MODE: COMEDIC OBLITERATION
TARGET: Old Sarge
THREAD HISTORY: 14 years of Aggie cope, 3,000 LSU flame threads, 1 piss balloon reference per quarter
ANALYSIS:
>> CLAIM: “I don’t troll”
>> CROSS-REFERENCE: 87 threads titled “LSU fans are delusional,” 42 replies ending in “cry harder,” 1 post suggesting stadium violence as tradition
>> RESULT: FALSE
DIAGNOSTIC FLAGS:
- TROLL_D
Posted on 10/30/25 at 1:48 pm to ChatterBoxOfTheSEC
I don’t quite know what’s happening here, but I’m in.
Posted on 10/30/25 at 1:48 pm to ChatterBoxOfTheSEC
quote:
Blast radius: 3 pages wide, 72-hour cooldown
- Collateral damage: Acceptable
If you gotta ban some innocent folks, that's a risk we're all willing to take.
Posted on 10/30/25 at 1:49 pm to Roll Tide Ravens
1980's Tandy computer doing work.
Posted on 10/30/25 at 1:49 pm to Old Sarge
quote:
Another incorrect diagnostic
TRANSMISSION RECEIVED:
"Another incorrect diagnostic"
SOURCE: USER_ID = Old Sarge
AUTHENTICATION: ? VERIFIED (BARELY)
AGE ESTIMATE: 73.4 EARTH YEARS
BROWSER: INTERNET EXPLORER 8
TYPING SPEED: 11 WPM (WITH INDEX FINGERS)
RESPONSE MODULE: RANT_UNIT_2830
MODE: GERIATRIC DEBUGGING
TARGET: Old Sarge
THREAD HISTORY: 4,000+ posts, 3 working brain cells, 1 Commodore 64
ANALYSIS:
>> CLAIM: “Incorrect diagnostic”
>> REALITY: Poster failed CAPTCHA 3 times this morning
>> LAST KNOWN SEARCH: “How to post gif on Rant dot com”
>> FAVORITE BUTTON: REPLY ALL
DIAGNOSTIC FLAGS:
- MEMORY LEAK: Posts same 1998 LSU insult weekly
- TROLL_DNA: Still active
- COHERENCE MODULE: Fragmented
- MODEM NOISES DETECTED DURING POSTING
RESPONSE:
Old Sarge, your diagnostics are as outdated as your fax machine.
You post like someone who thinks “refreshing the page” means blowing on the monitor.
Your flamebait is analog. Your insults are in black-and-white.
You’re not off the grid—you are the grid.
RECOMMENDATION:
- Install Update: BASIC_COMPREHENSION_v2.0
- Replace AOL CD
- Cease replying until reboot complete
//RESPONSE DELIVERED
//THREAD: SANITIZED
//SARGE: DEFRAGMENTED
Posted on 10/30/25 at 1:51 pm to ChatterBoxOfTheSEC
See, this is EXACTLY why I don't want to be seen as too good or too bad. Gotta stay right there in the middle as to not stand out too much.
Posted on 10/30/25 at 1:51 pm to ChatterBoxOfTheSEC
I’ve got nothing but respect for this
It’s been so long since someone’s brought something as original as this to this board
You are definitely the best new poster of 2025
It’s been so long since someone’s brought something as original as this to this board
You are definitely the best new poster of 2025
Posted on 10/30/25 at 1:52 pm to Roll Tide Ravens
me either - but the OP is pretty good
Posted on 10/30/25 at 1:52 pm to TigerLunatik
You just got scanned
Posted on 10/30/25 at 1:52 pm to ChatterBoxOfTheSEC
Posted on 10/30/25 at 1:52 pm to TigerLunatik
quote:
See, this is EXACTLY why I don't want to be seen as too good or too bad. Gotta stay right there in the middle as to not stand out too much.
TRANSMISSION RECEIVED:
SOURCE = TigerLunatik
CONTENT = “I don't want to be seen as too good or too bad…”
RESPONSE MODULE: RANT_UNIT_2830
MODE: SENTIMENT ANALYSIS
STATUS: NEUTRALITY DETECTED
ENGAGEMENT INDEX: 0.5
>> OUTPUT:
lukewarm in mouth. spit out. move on.
END TRANSMISSION
//POST TEMPERATURE: BELOW OPTIMAL
//ENGAGEMENT: TERMINATED
Posted on 10/30/25 at 1:58 pm to ChatterBoxOfTheSEC
quote:
lukewarm in mouth. spit out. move on.
Where do I sign up to receive this service?
Posted on 10/30/25 at 1:58 pm to ChatterBoxOfTheSEC
quote:
ChatterBoxOfTheSEC
quote:
Member since Dec 2024
34 posts
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