Dear LSU

Dear LSU,

I'll keep it simple this year because it's 2025 and I've posted every single thing over the years that I can post to make fun of you guys.

It’s a fact that Ole Miss backup Trinidad Chambliss is every bit the quarterback that Nuss is, and that probably makes you angry. I understand though. If I had to deal with the reality that one of the most heralded QBs in my johnny-come-lately program's history is grading out as a undrafted free agent, I would be mad too. Weak arm. Weak mind. Weaker chest.

You guys have prided yourselves over the years on having great WRs, a great running game, and a salty defense. You might have the salty defense this year. Kelly had to spend tens of millions in the portal to try to stitch together even a middling defense. Even so, the most likely outcome is Lane and the boys have their way with LSU in Oxford tomorrow. Time will tell.

Some in-depth analysis: That lil’-boy-arse, no-position scrub that you guys like to prop up as a pass rushing specialist is, in all actuality, slow to the ball and constantly out of position, BUT keep touching yourself about that time two years and an ACL ago when he was still shaping up to be a difference maker instead of running around like my 4 year old at a REC soccer game hoping he accidentally runs into a play.

I get it. When your program is as shitty as Brian Kelly’s LSU, you have to be pretty liberal with what you call "highs" due to the non-stop lows.

Speaking of Lowe's, Nuss is going to make a great department manager at one in a few years. If he works hard and uses this opportunity to do some networking.

I digress.

I'm very confident about the game tomorrow. The reason is that you guys constantly and consistently play like pussies against any team with a pulse. Kelly’s signature wins have been inconsequential, and any time he has a chance to climb the ladder, he slips and falls like the nervous chucklefrick that he is. Overrated Clemson? Squeak by. Overrated Florida? Sleepwalking to a victory that was all but decisive. Alabama or Texas aTm? Play like pussies. Ole Miss? You already know.

In conclusion, frick you and every piece of shite fan who has ever muttered or screamed bitch-made phrases like STTDB or GTHOM, or rushed the field after beating a program you like to pretend you’re a few tiers above. We surveyed 100 people, and the survey says you’re not. Number one answer.

Hotty Toddy, frick you, and g’day.

Sincerely.