Breaking News out of Arkansas: Tusk is OUT

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Oct 10, 2026
FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. —

TUSK VII ENTERS TRANSFER PORTAL. CITES “CRIPPLING SHAME” OF BEING A RAZORBACK

University of Arkansas live mascot Tusk VII has entered the NCAA transfer portal. The 1-year-old Russian boar, who missed the season opener with North Alabama, has only appeared at three games this season. But that’s enough.

“I spent a year on the farm preparing for this shite. I have stood on the sideline in 100-degree heat. I have posed for pictures with children who still have hope. I have eaten grapes from the hands of fans who paid good money to watch us gain 17 rushing yards. Tim Cramsey’s offense is so limp, soft and incompetent, it couldn’t punch one in if the defense lined up, spread its legs and begged for the nut. I can no longer look my fellow hogs in the snout”, Tusk said through his handler. “They told me I was joining a proud tradition. I’d rather be bacon.”

First-year head coach Ryan Silverfield commented, “At the end of the day, we control what we can control, We’re going to keep stacking days, keep competing, and keep trusting the process. The scoreboard doesn’t always tell the whole story. We’ve executed some things. Tusk just doesn’t see the 1 percenters. We’re going to flush it and get back to work. Next man up. That’s football.”

Athletic director Hunter Yurachek, who inexplicably signed Silverfield to $33.5 million after his crowning achievement of two T-3s in six seasons in the AAC as the coach of Memphis, said, “This is all part of the process. Coach Silverfield and I have a plan, and we believe in that plan. Tusk is young. He doesn’t grasp long-term plans. We’re committed. Very committed. Extremely committed to the commitment. And the plan. Did you hear we passed a resolution? That’s commitment to a plan, WITH a resolution. We’re back, baby.”

Arkansas officials said they remain “all-in,” which at this point appears to be a painful, medical condition.

Tusk is expected to visit programs that actually win an occasional SEC game. And he’d like more grapes.