re: This board is dead today. We need some funny stuff

The Compassionate LSU fan:

A foursome with fans from Auburn, Bama, UT, and LSU were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.

The LSU fan fumed, 'What's with those guys? We have been waiting for fifteen minutes!'

The Auburn fan chimed in, "I've never seen such poor golf!'

The Bama fan yelled out 'Get moving, time is money'


The UT fan said, 'Here comes George the greens keeper, maybe he can do something about this'

'Hello, George!', said the Tenn fan, 'What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'

George the greens keeper replied, 'Yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'

The group fell silent for a moment.


The UT fan said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'


The Auburn fan said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'


The Bama fan replied, 'I think I'll donate $500 to the fire-fighters in honor of these brave souls'


The LSU fan said, 'Why the frick don't they play at night?'

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Arlo, DvlsAdvocate, and Chilton4Bama all went to the county fair....

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WTF?? I leave for a few hours and this breaks out? I shall have my revenge....

Guts or Balls?

There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having
guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, and to alleviate further confusion,
the following definitions are listed below:

GUTS:

Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by
your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask, 'Are you still
cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS:

Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the
butt and having the balls to say, 'You're next, Chubby.'

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

An oldie but a goodie...

Urban Meyer visits LSU during spring training to chat with Coach Miles and exchange thoughts and ideas about football strategy. Miles says "Urban, you know, the most important thing to have in football is a smart quarterback. You see Andrew Hatch over there? He's a transfer from HARVARD! Smart as a whip! Let me show you."

Les yells to Andrew to come over where the coaches are, and Hatch hustles over. Les says to him "Andrew, who is your father's brother's nephew?" Without hesitation, the brainy LSU signal caller answers "it's me, coach". Les turns to Meyer and says "see what I mean? There's no substitute for a smart quarterback".

Urban gets back to Gainesville, still pondering The Hat's observations, and decides to test Tim Tebow at the next practice. "Tim", he says, "who is your father's brother's nephew?" Tebow thinks for a few seconds and says "can you give a couple of minutes, coach?" Disappointed, but patient, Meyer gives him a few minutes. Tim runs across the field to Percy Harvin and says "Percy, I need an answer to this fast...who is your father's brother's nephew?" Harvin answers quickly "it's me".

Relieved, Tebow runs back over to Coach Meyer and says "I have the answer, coach!" Urban's ears perk up, and Tebow says "my father's brother's nephew is Percy Harvin!"

Meyer, exasperated, says "no, you idiot! It's ANDREW HATCH!"

a lot of my jokes were Auburn jokes and I had to switch the name to Alabama.

Why did the Auburn fan cross the road?

He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.

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Why did Terrance Cody cross the road?

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the Type II Diabetes and High Blood Pressure clinic was on the other side??

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We need some funny stuff

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