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re: Suicide
Posted on 4/20/17 at 1:52 am to Kentucker
Posted on 4/20/17 at 1:52 am to Kentucker
quote:
There is to know. We get so caught up in what is expected of us that we overlook the wonder of existence itself. We rank what we were taught about our place in life above living. We get bored. We have to find something that challenges us, that nourishes the need to know.
Most people look for the "why" of life and inevitably paint themselves into the corner of religion and philosophy where they're forced to be content with beliefs. Others search for the "how" and open the door to infinity. The former can lead to a life of figurative boundaries with which they can be content as their lives pass. The latter have no such security, artificial as it is, but can be as content as they explore the starkness of an objective reality.
It's not so much about the ''why'' as much as it is ''what for''? I know that seems like an inconsequential difference, but for me it still exists. The ''why'' is if there is a purpose, the ''what for'' is the justification for any given purpose.
I'm acutely aware that the ''why'' is almost always subjective (and that it's entirely possible that there is none to speak of), to say that it differs from person to person. To some, it's to own a house, get some kids and a wife that ain't half-bad to look at while working toward their pension. To others, it's about leaving their mark on the world, and those types can be constructive or nefarious.
For me, I feel like I've accomplished what I wanted -- I've lived in several countries, sometimes as an invader, others as an educator. Now I just don't know what to do with myself. I have my own business, it's doing well for the foreseeable future but...then what?
I have no desire for kids, no family outside of my mother that I'm actually connected to and most of my endeavors are finished.
I suppose I could dedicate my life to knowledge, the ''how', as you eloquently put it; but it's more probable that I won't get to, nor will I actively help the collective pursuit of that goal.
I developed schizophrenia after I went back to America, and I think it may be responsible for my more nihilistic approach to life -- but I also indebted to society to do what's necessary when the time comes, and I don't fault others who choose the same path.
This post was edited on 4/20/17 at 1:59 am
2
Posted on 4/20/17 at 9:32 am to StrawsDrawnAtRandom
quote:
Now I just don't know what to do with myself. I have my own business, it's doing well for the foreseeable future but...then what?
Something that pleases you, gives you a reward. Always that. You can't be a part of something else, if that's a goal, unless the part that you want to be is in good shape. That means taking care of yourself first. Martyrdom is bullshite.
You should write.
quote:
I have no desire for kids, no family outside of my mother that I'm actually connected to and most of my endeavors are finished.
You should write.
quote:
I suppose I could dedicate my life to knowledge, the ''how', as you eloquently put it; but it's more probable that I won't get to, nor will I actively help the collective pursuit of that goal.
You're selling yourself short. You've already dedicated yourself to knowledge. Collectivism is a noble human effort but it has always been the individual that has helped humanity take the great steps in modern evolution.
You should write.
quote:
I developed schizophrenia after I went back to America, and I think it may be responsible for my more nihilistic approach to life -- but I also indebted to society to do what's necessary when the time comes, and I don't fault others who choose the same path.
The greatest of history's artists suffered maladies such as schizophrenia. It's as though it helped them see reality without the murky filters of humanity. Our brains are quantum computers that function in peculiar ways. When something interferes with that function, the brain always comes up with a work-around. That work-around can be genius.
You should write The Life of an Illegal Immigrant in Mexico. What a read that will be!
Posted on 4/20/17 at 9:42 am to StrawsDrawnAtRandom
quote:
I have no desire for kids, no family outside of my mother that I'm actually connected to and most of my endeavors are finished.
I thought you were banging some Latina chick that was half your age. Don't complain about life if that is still going on.
quote:
I developed schizophrenia after I went back to America
Not sure if you are joking or not!
Dealing with schizophrenics most of my life this is nothing to joke about. While it may not surface till your late 20's or early 30's I am pretty sure you had it from birth and somewhere in your family tree you will find others in your family who had it as well.
The bigger point is STAY ON YOUR F*CK*NG MEDS!! even if you do not think you need them.
Posted on 4/20/17 at 10:33 am to The muffintime
My dad killed himself in 1983. I was 7 and he was only 28. As a kid, you really don't know what's going on. You just know that your life is changing, but you don't realize how much. Back in 1983, you really didn't talk about depression or going to see a shrink. You were just supposed to deal with it yourself and get over it. It's still a taboo subject, but not nearly as bad as it was back then.
Posted on 4/20/17 at 4:06 pm to Cheese Grits
quote:
The bigger point is STAY ON YOUR F*CK*NG MEDS!! even if you do not think you need them
^ This, big time. Most people don't have a problem taking medicines for a physical condition even if it's for a life time. We should regard mental conditions in the same light.
Depression, for me, would go away when I adhered to the medicine regimen prescribed by my doctor. I would feel fine and decide that I didn't need it anymore, lapse back into depression, commit some act that got my loved ones' attention, get dragged back to the doctor and be convinced that I needed my meds to be "normal" again.
It took a couple of decades on this roller coaster before I figured out that my brain condition was permanent. Luckily, I also figured out that I could permanently function normally with the aid of the meds. I haven't regressed for several years and I know I won't if I stick to taking my meds. It now seems like a small inconvenience for the peace and contentment that I feel.
Posted on 4/20/17 at 4:07 pm to Kentucker
quote:
You should write The Life of an Illegal Immigrant in Mexico. What a read that will be!
I just might do that, if only a short story.
And I'm not trying to sound like a martyr, if that's how I came across. I'm just acknowledging that it's a probable finale, and that people always do it for a reason.
Even if it's a bad reason.
Thanks, you've always been a kind soul, Kentucker. If I get the motivation to, perhaps I'll share that story with the world soon.
Posted on 4/20/17 at 4:18 pm to StrawsDrawnAtRandom
It would be a best seller. Look at the potential audience: Right wingers who would want a view of Mexico's attitude towards illegal immigrants in their country; left wingers who are interested in what benefits are available for them; illegal immigrants in the U.S. who would want to see their positions juxtaposed with yours in Mexico; Spanish speakers world wide who would like such a hot topic in their language; and, finally, everybody on tRant who would like a detailed description of your relationships with Mexican chicas and why you like to cum in the sink.
Write 100 pages per month for three months and you'll be a rich man by mid-Summer. Go.For.It!
Write 100 pages per month for three months and you'll be a rich man by mid-Summer. Go.For.It!
This post was edited on 4/20/17 at 4:19 pm
Posted on 4/20/17 at 4:20 pm to Cheese Grits
quote:
I thought you were banging some Latina chick that was half your age. Don't complain about life if that is still going on.
Moving to Mexico made it too easy, honestly. And she's like 9 years younger, not half my age.
quote:
Not sure if you are joking or not!
Dealing with schizophrenics most of my life this is nothing to joke about. While it may not surface till your late 20's or early 30's I am pretty sure you had it from birth and somewhere in your family tree you will find others in your family who had it as well.
The bigger point is STAY ON YOUR F*CK*NG MEDS!! even if you do not think you need them.
This, I would never joke about. I've been in therapy for most of my life, and I've recently asked my father if he had anyone on his side of the family that had it. Unfortunately, no one on his side, nor my mother's had been diagnosed to their knowledge.
I, myself, am undiagnosed. While I feel I have a sufficient grip on reality (to say, I know when I'm hallucinating), I think it's caused some other problems. It first manifested as EHS (Link) and then devolved into worse episodes (not knowing where I was for an hour of the day, getting lost and not remembering how I'd gotten somewhere, hearing voices/conversations that weren't really happening).
I've probably had episodes for at least seven years, and understand that I shouldn't say I have anything if I haven't been officially diagnosed. However, I thought it was obvious.
Posted on 4/20/17 at 7:21 pm to StrawsDrawnAtRandom
quote:
I, myself, am undiagnosed.
How old are you now?
Get to a doctor and get it diagnosed so you can get the meds. Have a dear friend who has battled it all her life. Around 35, after riding the roller coaster one time too many and getting committed for a year, she finally got on and has stayed on her meds. While she laments the vivid experiences like and ex smoker reveres old smokes, she said the balance has more than offset the highs.
Do you hear waterfalls or feel tremors in the ground like small earthquakes?
What about hissing sounds?
As for genetics it is probably there just it was hidden better between generations so the younger generations never knew.
DO NOT SELF MEDICATE via over the counter drugs, caffeine, alcohol, or illegal drugs. You may think this is getting the job done but will just make it much worse as you get older.
Posted on 4/20/17 at 9:45 pm to The muffintime
My father killed himself in 2001.
Posted on 4/21/17 at 2:02 pm to Cheese Grits
quote:
How old are you now?
29, going to be 30 this year.
quote:
Get to a doctor and get it diagnosed so you can get the meds. Have a dear friend who has battled it all her life. Around 35, after riding the roller coaster one time too many and getting committed for a year, she finally got on and has stayed on her meds. While she laments the vivid experiences like and ex smoker reveres old smokes, she said the balance has more than offset the highs.
I think it's about that time that I do.
quote:
Do you hear waterfalls or feel tremors in the ground like small earthquakes?
Yes and yes. Waterfalls when I'm tired and I feel tremors from time to time. I frequently ask people if they feel earthquakes.
Posted on 4/21/17 at 4:26 pm to The muffintime
I'm 26 yrs old and have had 4 friends commit suicide that I went to school with.
2 because they were really smart and came from good families and got to college and got into drugs and partying and failed and couldn't handle the shame.
1 because he had a rough upbringing and got into hard drugs and just couldn't cope with life.
1 because he just struggled with depression issues his whole life
2 because they were really smart and came from good families and got to college and got into drugs and partying and failed and couldn't handle the shame.
1 because he had a rough upbringing and got into hard drugs and just couldn't cope with life.
1 because he just struggled with depression issues his whole life
Posted on 4/21/17 at 4:38 pm to The Spleen
quote:
think a lot of people that suffer from it attach the stigma themselves. Some feel it shows weakness. I have a friend whose brother served in Iraq and Afghanistan that clearly has PTSD, but refuses to seek help because of male machismo. It's killing his mother because the person she's talking to is not her son. It's a really tough situation.
I have a close friend who is similar. Doesn't have ptsd but he has developed insecurities due to some bad relationships in his past and its affected him to where he is verbally abusive and one time physically abusive to women. He didn't use to be that way.
And he takes steroids and lifts weights constantly and makes up false fighting stories to his friends to try to impress us. And gets way too fricked up drinking whiskey everyday and taking pain pills and doing coke. It's cost him his job, his family, a lot of friends. Now he is in legal trouble facing assault charges. Dude has hit rock bottom and it kills me because I know the great guy he is deep down. And I can see suicide coming if he continues, it's just obvious the emotional pain he is hiding but he won't open up about it. I try to talk to him but he won't listen
Posted on 4/21/17 at 7:52 pm to deltaland
quote:
1 because he just struggled with depression issues his whole life
Depression is the most easily treated of mental conditions. I was diagnosed at 16. It was a living hell until I was convinced that it was not shameful to take meds. I've been happy ever since.
Posted on 4/21/17 at 8:12 pm to StrawsDrawnAtRandom
quote:
I feel tremors from time to time.
An old friend had this symptom and it got worse as they got older and off their meds. One weird thing was it only seemed to affect them if they were in a corner room of a building, never if they were in the center or midway between an exterior wall.
30 is young, do you have the "shakes" in a single hand when a "earthquake" is about to happen or is early in the sensation?
Posted on 4/21/17 at 9:59 pm to The muffintime
Two of my close army buddies have committed suicide the last left behind a wife and kids. Dustin's really hit me hard because we were so close and talked often. I had thought of it often myself and I'm pretty sure I'd have never gone that route. Him doing what he did makes me wonder if it had been me would he have had a wake up call. His death got me to taking steps to get some help and I'm forever grateful. He was me and I love him I'm just sorry it took what it did to realize what life is to my family and I wish I would have seen what I saw in me.
Posted on 4/21/17 at 10:07 pm to Cheese Grits
quote:
An old friend had this symptom and it got worse as they got older and off their meds. One weird thing was it only seemed to affect them if they were in a corner room of a building, never if they were in the center or midway between an exterior wall.
30 is young, do you have the "shakes" in a single hand when a "earthquake" is about to happen or is early in the sensation?
It's so bizarre because that's how it happens with me, as well. It feels like the building is ''swaying'' and generally happens when I'm closer to the wall, not so much in a corner.
Never happens outdoors, only inside and in a very sporadic fashion.
To the second part, I don't get shakes or anything that I've noticed. Just feel a sway and have to stop walking until it ceases to make sure I'm not crazy.
Which apparently I am.
Posted on 4/22/17 at 9:22 am to StrawsDrawnAtRandom
quote:
Which apparently I am.
We are all a bit crazy so you are not exactly alone.
Just as we have the hot / crazy line for women, so have I developed a similar line for the overall populace.
One 1 axis place the level (from weak to strong)
One 1 axis place the value (from good to evil)
As long as you are not in the strong and evil part you are probably OK with me. Based on my history I attract really crazy women (like moth to flame) but most have not tried to kill me in the end. I consider myself lucky and fairly tolerant to most of humanity.
quote:
I don't get shakes or anything that I've noticed.
You (as the person) probably never notice it. When I see it it is an uncontrolled act usually unnoticed (even tho quite obvious to the viewer) that seems to manifest when their mind wanders to things that do not exist.
As example, if you are speaking to me and engage a fantasy, (such as George Bush wants you to bring him watermelons from Georgia) the more bizarre the storyline, the more somme finger or hand will shake violently and you will remain quite unaware of it. I have often wondered if it was a "lie detector" response as two parts of your brain reacted to the singe story.
Brain A was like "this is all true"
Brain B was like "this is nuts" and signaled hand to indicate such
Sorta like the brain scene in this classic movie LINK
Posted on 4/22/17 at 1:07 pm to StrawsDrawnAtRandom
This might sound silly and I don't doubt everything you said, but have you ever been tested for vertigo? What you said eerily correlates with vertigo symptoms.
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