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ALTERNATE HISTORIES, VOL. 1: A SIMPLE FISHING TRIP
Posted on 8/25/09 at 7:15 am
Posted on 8/25/09 at 7:15 am
Edsbs.com
THE INCIDENT AS SEEN BY AN ALABAMA FAN.
A serene morning on the Alabama Gulf Coast. A small, modest fishing vessel passes along the coast.
Mark: I’m so glad we’re out here fishing on this peaceful and serene water this morning.
Julio: Me too, Mark. But only after we fulfilled our duties as football players, and as student-athletes, and as people, first. Real, character people.
Mark: Which is why we’ve come on this fishing trip. Not for ourselves, though I’m sure I’m going to enjoy it. Won’t you, Julio?
Julio: Oh, of course. Hey, look!
They both land fifty pound tuna simultaneously.
Mark and Julio: WOW!!!
Curtis Anderson: Thank you, boys, for helping an old, crippled man taste the sweet flavor of the outdoors again. It’s like I’m fully alive again. Thank you, boys, for making that possible.
BOOM! A sunburst appears, and a hole in the clouds opens to show NICK SABAN addressing them from the heavens.
Nick Saban: Don’t you mean men, Curtis?
Nick Saban: [/gives the thumbs up. Bear Bryant appears in the background with a sign and arrow pointing to Saban. It reads: UNSTOPPABLE BADASS. Saban puts arm around Bear Bryant, disappears.]
FIN
PART TWO: THE INCIDENT AS SEEN BY AN AUBURN FAN
A four hundred foot yacht. MARK INGRAM AND JULIO JONES arrive by helicopter.
Curtis Anderson, crippled international arms dealer and villain: Boys, welcome to my yacht…The Bear Essentials. Winks suggestively.
Mark Ingram: Are those ladies naked?
Anderson: No. Some of them are wearing money stapled to their genitals and nipples.
Julio Jones: I’ll take twenty.
Anderson: Not before you take a little…swim.
Ingram/Jones: A SWIMMING POOL FULL OF MONEY!!!
Anderson: Not just money, boys: money COVERED IN STEROIDS!!!
Ingram/Jones: That’s the best kind!!! WHEEEE!!!!
They dive in.
THE INCIDENT AS SEEN BY AN ALABAMA FAN.
A serene morning on the Alabama Gulf Coast. A small, modest fishing vessel passes along the coast.
Mark: I’m so glad we’re out here fishing on this peaceful and serene water this morning.
Julio: Me too, Mark. But only after we fulfilled our duties as football players, and as student-athletes, and as people, first. Real, character people.
Mark: Which is why we’ve come on this fishing trip. Not for ourselves, though I’m sure I’m going to enjoy it. Won’t you, Julio?
Julio: Oh, of course. Hey, look!
They both land fifty pound tuna simultaneously.
Mark and Julio: WOW!!!
Curtis Anderson: Thank you, boys, for helping an old, crippled man taste the sweet flavor of the outdoors again. It’s like I’m fully alive again. Thank you, boys, for making that possible.
BOOM! A sunburst appears, and a hole in the clouds opens to show NICK SABAN addressing them from the heavens.
Nick Saban: Don’t you mean men, Curtis?
Nick Saban: [/gives the thumbs up. Bear Bryant appears in the background with a sign and arrow pointing to Saban. It reads: UNSTOPPABLE BADASS. Saban puts arm around Bear Bryant, disappears.]
FIN
PART TWO: THE INCIDENT AS SEEN BY AN AUBURN FAN
A four hundred foot yacht. MARK INGRAM AND JULIO JONES arrive by helicopter.
Curtis Anderson, crippled international arms dealer and villain: Boys, welcome to my yacht…The Bear Essentials. Winks suggestively.
Mark Ingram: Are those ladies naked?
Anderson: No. Some of them are wearing money stapled to their genitals and nipples.
Julio Jones: I’ll take twenty.
Anderson: Not before you take a little…swim.
Ingram/Jones: A SWIMMING POOL FULL OF MONEY!!!
Anderson: Not just money, boys: money COVERED IN STEROIDS!!!
Ingram/Jones: That’s the best kind!!! WHEEEE!!!!
They dive in.
12
Posted on 8/25/09 at 7:32 am to TheDoc
Good stuff
Posted on 8/25/09 at 7:38 am to GOBAMA90
Almost funny.
Posted on 8/25/09 at 7:38 am to TheDoc
I lol'd heartily.
Posted on 8/25/09 at 7:38 am to TheDoc
Posted on 8/25/09 at 8:04 am to Crimsonpanther13
quote:
Almost funny.
your sense of humor sucks arse
Posted on 8/25/09 at 8:09 am to TheDoc
quote:
Anderson: Not just money, boys: money COVERED IN STEROIDS!!!
Posted on 8/25/09 at 8:11 am to TheDoc
Any fan, Bama or Auburn, that doesn't find this funny should really invest in a sense of humor.
Posted on 8/25/09 at 8:11 am to TheDoc
A deep grunt of approval, coupled with a slightly audible chuckle...
High praise for me at this hour of the morning...
Best part:
High praise for me at this hour of the morning...
Best part:
quote:
Mark Ingram: Are those ladies naked?
Anderson: No. Some of them are wearing money stapled to their genitals and nipples.
This post was edited on 8/25/09 at 8:12 am
Posted on 8/25/09 at 8:14 am to ShreveportBama
quote:
I lol'd heartily.
as did I.
it really shows two sides.
1. bama fans truly think saban is the savior of the program and that bama and it's players are a 100% clean program
2. auburn fans REALLY hate bama, and that's mostly out of jealousy. They know deep down though they may have had a few good years while bama was down, they will always be the 2nd best team in the state. And that pisses them off royally.
Posted on 8/25/09 at 8:34 am to TheDoc
that was good stuff
Posted on 8/25/09 at 8:39 am to hobo with a rolex
Posted on 8/25/09 at 8:45 am to bmy
quote:
Curtis Anderson, crippled international arms dealer and villain
made me laugh
Posted on 8/25/09 at 8:50 am to TheDoc
Great Doc.A lot of truth to it.
Posted on 8/25/09 at 8:51 am to TheDoc
The sad thing is that, in a couple of days, some barner is going to post the second viewpoint on every message board he can get to as solid fact that he got from an inside source.
Posted on 8/25/09 at 9:03 am to bamawriter
in which he will be laughed at.
a lot.
a lot.
Posted on 8/25/09 at 9:14 am to TheDoc
Replace Julio and Mark with Tim Tebow in the first story and the whole damn country would believe it.
Posted on 8/25/09 at 9:16 am to TheDoc
I almost believed it...and I did laugh...but there is too much annunciation going on to be real.
Posted on 8/25/09 at 9:35 am to Sao
It was funny. This also shows how outsiders (non-UA/AU) people view the rivalry between the two schools.
"It's a common thing in the state of Alabama; you had to choose sides. Most who came from Alabama families chose to root for the Tide. Same thing for those raised in an Auburn family.
There was the occasional "black sheep" that chose to pull for the other school. Their parents didn't kick them out of their home, though they did probably write them out of their will.
People who moved in from out of state were encouraged to choose a team. Even if they were a fan of a school from their home state, they were encouraged to pick a side."
Good read on the rivalry...
LINK
Posted on 8/25/09 at 9:38 am to TheDoc
This is the best fricking thing Doc has ever posted. No offense bruh
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