Where the red carpet rolls

Now it’s a party

My wife is an Ole Miss grad... She had a little slut in her back in the day as well... 4 kids later... we’re both tired of being whores.

Glad to have you back, Sheepdawg.

Yup... gonna look like a got damn polar bear on a tricycle before long if we’re not careful.

Is that the same as a bloody beer? Basically a BM hold the vodka and dump in cheap beer

Any of yall had a Mexican chicken shot?

Tequila, raw egg, and siracha sauce. Disgusting shot that feel the need to get every time I go to a Mexican joint with boys

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Before you get banned again would you mind filling us in on your feelings on

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HOAs

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You mean the neighborhood NATO shite where people tell you what color you can paint your shudders and shite? yea stuff like that kinda fricks with my chi

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DR vs GSB

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Well this place is cool. so was the last. this one is like the tanger outlet of message boards. Alot more try hards, bullys, and thought police that post here. But the mods seem to have lightened up immensely too

The old spot was just different. the OK coral of the internet. post whatever the frick you want but you might wake up one morning with genital warts or a neck tattoo

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women who Google sports so they can try to ask the internet their opinion while getting swayed back and forth with every rebuttal.

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Bro i love finley. besmirch her name again and fisticuffs are imminent

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Bro i love finley. besmirch her name again and fisticuffs are imminent

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I forgot you've been gone a while. I'll let you figure this one out.

So i was walking my personal beast in daffin park last week, mostly in celebration of him aceing his last semester of a court ordered etiquette program. In pure dachsonian form, on the last day, he dropped a flawless 50 on the wonderlick exam and then shite in the instructors sandal on the way out of class. But no matter, here he was, a newly minted madman. charlie parker leaking through his ear buds. duck liver on his breath. ready to belly back up to the fricking blackjack table

You'd never know from our hallelujah highstep but it was record heat and humidity in upper chatham that day. everyone else looked to be wallowing in pressure cooked peanut butter but not these two tuxedo thieves, we liked to move it move it. I spotted some type of domestic condor that looked like carlos santana eating from a discarded popeye's box over by the porto jons where i usually bought my adderall .I remembered we hadnt ate lunch yet

Shortly after, i saw him take shape across the park. my newest favorite cohort, Horatio. Now youd be forgiven for thinking horatio had aztec particles in his membranes, and he may have, but youd never know it by his construction. Hellishly tall with the cheekbones of an adolescent strom thurmond, he was a ravishing son of a bitch. He yelled across the park for our attention and i horse farted like i do when i get nervous sometimes. Thelma jogged upwind of me

Oh to clarify. the beasts street name is thelma. oweing nothing to his baptismal name, david dookovny. mainly due to me being a huge californication fan. But i started calling him thelma because when he was a younger he use to jump off the back of the couch and his face looked like those two bitches driving off the mountain. I know its not true to his biology but its 2019 and im no slave to puritanical syntax

I met horatio back in february. I had found a groupon deal for three free krav maga lessons. A few weeks earlier i had rear ended a police car looking at porn on my phone and lost my licence for 6 months, so i needed something in skating distance from my condo to occupy some free time. thats actually the same incident when thelmadook got taken away in shackles and sentenced to collegiate concerns. but thats a story for another day

Anyway, i snuck in the back door that tuesday night with a soul full of motown purchases. ready to be learned by a squatty chinaman or maybe a bruce leroy type. Fresh stupidity considering the reality was 30 or so alpaca dykes chopping at thin air, attention glued to the devilish #2 pencil in the black kimono. The room smelled like latex and smoked shrimp and i hated it at first

A funny thing happened toward the end of that class.  horatio called for a bit of meditation time.  (which i misheard for 'medication' and farted) But while all the dykes were grunting and thinking real hard, the oriental solitude made me reflect too

It made me think back to when i was a little cotton top shithead growing up at the beach. back when i wasnt allowed to have caffeine. It made me think back about when dad use to come busting in my room like a sweepstakes winner for no reason. yanking my shirt up and taking the razor strap to my back until he'd lose his breath. how mom would always go in the bathroom, close the door and cut the hairdryer on for some reason. And you know, i never even got sad about anything. I knew even way back then what dad was teaching me. About the laws of disproportionate justice in life. and to fence in my wild ideas until i weighed enough to see them through

But most amazing about those moments, and you can believe me or dont,  was the staggering clarity of my brainwaves back then. like a scalpel to a fruit roll up. And how i just knew things i shouldnt know. Like what it would take to knock a cat unconscious. Or how id feel when my boss wrote me up for the third time. Or that my twig would never be long enough for tooty but for some chedder biscuits natalie would let me put it in her face. Or that you can leave treatment for the seventh time with your denial still in pristine condition. Or never to date a girl that falls asleep at traffic lights. I know, not lottery numbers, but still. alot for a 9 year old

Anyways, horatio rambled over to me after class and congratulated on taking my first step toward being a decorated warrior. he apologized for the wall to wall carpet (carolina broccoli crotch) but said tuesday nights all the dykes wandered over from the bingo parlor next door. He asked me what was my finest accomplishment at that point in life. I thought for a second and told him one time my ex wife froze all my credit cards while i was in vegas and i still made it home in 18 hours. he agreed that was definitely nice but said we had bigger fish to catch. Then I told him back in the 90s i starred in a porn trilogy under the stage name Dick Delicious. he thanked me for coming and said he'd see me on thursday

Fast forward five months. Nah
i havent logged gladwell's 10,000 hours doing roundhouse kicks yet. But what i have  accumulated in that time is 34 hugs, 8 recipe swaps, 2 foot massages, 11 trips to regal cinema, and a birthday card with a hobby lobby gift card inside

I dont know about you but thats gotta rank up there with best groupon deals ever