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Need some new Alabama jokes
Posted on 11/27/12 at 11:57 am
Posted on 11/27/12 at 11:57 am
Did you hear about the hurricane that hit Alabama? It caused $10 million of improvements
Did you hear that the school library at Bama burned down? Both books burned but only one had been colored in
How many Bama fans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but you have to listen to all the rest of them talk about how great the dead light bulb was
What has 100 legs and three teeth? Front row of a Willie Nelson concert in Alabama
Did you know the tooth brush was invented in Alabama? Anyplace else would have called it a teeth brush
What's three things you will never hear someone from Bama say? 1) Nascar is boring 2)I don't think duck tape will fix that 3) I'll take Shakespear for 1000 Alex
An Alabama State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-20. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "Bout what?"
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Birmingham, Alabama burned down?
Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.
What's the best thing to ever come out of Alabama?
I-20 and I-10
Two Alabamans are walking down different ends of a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?" "Jus' some chickens." "If I guesses how many they are, can I have one?" "Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them." "OK. Ummmmm . . . five?"
An Alabaman came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry on over here. My house is on fire!"
"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Say, don't you still have them big red trucks?"
Did you hear that the school library at Bama burned down? Both books burned but only one had been colored in
How many Bama fans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but you have to listen to all the rest of them talk about how great the dead light bulb was
What has 100 legs and three teeth? Front row of a Willie Nelson concert in Alabama
Did you know the tooth brush was invented in Alabama? Anyplace else would have called it a teeth brush
What's three things you will never hear someone from Bama say? 1) Nascar is boring 2)I don't think duck tape will fix that 3) I'll take Shakespear for 1000 Alex
An Alabama State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-20. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "Bout what?"
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Birmingham, Alabama burned down?
Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.
What's the best thing to ever come out of Alabama?
I-20 and I-10
Two Alabamans are walking down different ends of a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?" "Jus' some chickens." "If I guesses how many they are, can I have one?" "Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them." "OK. Ummmmm . . . five?"
An Alabaman came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry on over here. My house is on fire!"
"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Say, don't you still have them big red trucks?"
4
Posted on 11/27/12 at 12:45 pm to Buddy2012
"A UGA fan, a GSU fan and a Bama fan were walking through the park when they spied a naked woman lying passed out drunk in the underbrush. Being a gentleman, the UGA fan dropped his hat over one breast. The GSU fan agreed and placed his hat over the other breast.Not to be out done, the Bama fan then placed his hat over the woman's cooch.
Soon the police arrived. The officer started checking over the body. He picked up the UGA hat and quickly placed it back and made some notes. He then picked up the GSU hat and returned it recording additional notes. Then he picked up the Bama fan's hat, put it down, then picked it up again inspecting the hat more closely, and then put it down.
Then he picked it up a third time. By this time, the Gump was a bit irritated and he asked, "Why do you keep picking up that hat? Are you some kind of pervert or something?" The officer responded with a wry smile, "Boy, I can't figure it out. When I come across one of these Bama hats, I usually find a dick under it."
Soon the police arrived. The officer started checking over the body. He picked up the UGA hat and quickly placed it back and made some notes. He then picked up the GSU hat and returned it recording additional notes. Then he picked up the Bama fan's hat, put it down, then picked it up again inspecting the hat more closely, and then put it down.
Then he picked it up a third time. By this time, the Gump was a bit irritated and he asked, "Why do you keep picking up that hat? Are you some kind of pervert or something?" The officer responded with a wry smile, "Boy, I can't figure it out. When I come across one of these Bama hats, I usually find a dick under it."
Posted on 11/27/12 at 12:52 pm to Edawg
What did the Alabama fan say to her father? Roll over daddy your squishing my cigarettes.
This post was edited on 11/27/12 at 12:58 pm
Posted on 11/27/12 at 12:52 pm to Edawg
A naked blonde walks into a bar. A poodle under one arm and a ten-pound salami under the other. The blonde lays the poodle on the table. The bartender looks at her and says, "So, I guess you won't be needing a drink?" THe blonde says............"Nick Saban's a midget."
Posted on 11/27/12 at 12:54 pm to Jefferson Dawg
How do you circumsize a Bama fan? Kick his sister in the jaw.
Posted on 11/27/12 at 1:31 pm to SidewalkDawg
What's the difference between a Bama fan and a bucket of shite?
The bucket.
The bucket.
Posted on 11/27/12 at 1:40 pm to BoulderDawg34
Knock Knock
Whos there
Bama
Bama who
frick Bama
Whos there
Bama
Bama who
frick Bama
Posted on 11/27/12 at 1:47 pm to BoulderDawg34
A Georgia fan and a Bama fan are sitting next to each other at a game in Sanford. The Bama fan looks down at the field and sees Uga licking his balls. He says to the UGA fan, "Man, I wish I could do that." The UGA fan says to him, "Boy, he would bite you."
Posted on 11/27/12 at 1:48 pm to Buddy2012
lay off Wilie
Posted on 11/27/12 at 1:51 pm to JimDawginTexas
It was a miserable hot day in Tuscaloosa and these two black whores were walking down the street when one (Mary Jane) says to the other (Eloise), "Eloise, honey, it is so hot out here today, why don't we take off our panties so's we be cool" Eloise says, "Oh, I don't know Mary Jane, I be too embarrassed".
So they walk on past Bryant-Denny Stadium and pretty soon Mary Jane says, "Eloise, honey, I just can't stand this heat. We jess got's to take off our panties so's we be cool"? And Eloise says, "Mary Jane , I juss can't, I'd be too embarrassed". So, they continue for a few more blocks, when suddenly Mary Jane stops and points to the porch of a house where an enormous black woman is sitting with her skirt hiked up to her navel, no panties on and eating a watermelon. She says, "Eloise, honey, look up there on the poc'h of dat house. Jess look at dat. I'll bet she be cool."
And Mary Jane says, "Less go axe her." So they shuffle up on to the porch of the house and Eloise says, "Big Fat Mama, you sittin up here on the poc'h of dis house, what with yo skirt hiked up to you navel, no panties on and eating dat watermelon..... tell us... is you cool"?
And the woman says, "Honey child... I don't no nuffin a bouts being cool, but it sho do keeps the flies off my watermelon"!
So they walk on past Bryant-Denny Stadium and pretty soon Mary Jane says, "Eloise, honey, I just can't stand this heat. We jess got's to take off our panties so's we be cool"? And Eloise says, "Mary Jane , I juss can't, I'd be too embarrassed". So, they continue for a few more blocks, when suddenly Mary Jane stops and points to the porch of a house where an enormous black woman is sitting with her skirt hiked up to her navel, no panties on and eating a watermelon. She says, "Eloise, honey, look up there on the poc'h of dat house. Jess look at dat. I'll bet she be cool."
And Mary Jane says, "Less go axe her." So they shuffle up on to the porch of the house and Eloise says, "Big Fat Mama, you sittin up here on the poc'h of dis house, what with yo skirt hiked up to you navel, no panties on and eating dat watermelon..... tell us... is you cool"?
And the woman says, "Honey child... I don't no nuffin a bouts being cool, but it sho do keeps the flies off my watermelon"!
Posted on 11/27/12 at 1:52 pm to SidewalkDawg
quote:
How do you circumsize a Bama fan? Kick his sister in the jaw.
beautiful.
Posted on 11/27/12 at 4:14 pm to Damn Good Dawg
Okay, the University of Georgia is having a party at the lake. They got women, booze, drugs, a live band, a bonfire, a huge spotlight, the works.
They look across the lake and there is the University of Alabama, likewise having a party, only it's really just a couple of guys with a shitty old boombox.
One of the Georgia guys yells over and says "Hey why don't you Gumps come on over and join a real party?"
The Alabama guys say"We would, but we don't have a boat..."
The Georgia guy snickers and yells "No problem, we'll just shine this spotlight out across the water and y'all can walk across on the beam!"
The Alabama guys talk it over and finally yell back "Y'all must think we're stupid, to fall for a some shite like that. We're not though. We know when we got half way across y'all would turn that damn thing off!!!"
They look across the lake and there is the University of Alabama, likewise having a party, only it's really just a couple of guys with a shitty old boombox.
One of the Georgia guys yells over and says "Hey why don't you Gumps come on over and join a real party?"
The Alabama guys say"We would, but we don't have a boat..."
The Georgia guy snickers and yells "No problem, we'll just shine this spotlight out across the water and y'all can walk across on the beam!"
The Alabama guys talk it over and finally yell back "Y'all must think we're stupid, to fall for a some shite like that. We're not though. We know when we got half way across y'all would turn that damn thing off!!!"
Posted on 11/27/12 at 4:19 pm to robby1220
A phone conversation a boy from Alabama has with his dad on the night of his honeymoon:
son "Dad, I don't know what to do"
dad "The hell?"
son "No Dad, I mean she's a virgin... I never been with one of those"
dad "Aww hell no, you just get the frick outta there, tomorrow we'll go get you a deevorce"
son "A deevorce?! But why Daddy?"
dad "Goddamnit Junior, if she ain't good enough for her own damn family, she sure as hall ain't good enough for ours!"
son "Dad, I don't know what to do"
dad "The hell?"
son "No Dad, I mean she's a virgin... I never been with one of those"
dad "Aww hell no, you just get the frick outta there, tomorrow we'll go get you a deevorce"
son "A deevorce?! But why Daddy?"
dad "Goddamnit Junior, if she ain't good enough for her own damn family, she sure as hall ain't good enough for ours!"
Posted on 11/27/12 at 7:55 pm to DawgFARKer
quote:
but it sho do keeps the flies off my watermelon"!
Posted on 11/27/12 at 9:04 pm to Buddy2012
How many Bama fan does it take to pop popcorn?
3, 1 to hold the pan and 2 to shake the stove.
What are the 3 biggest lies in Alabama?
1. It's paid for
2. I didn't know she was my cousin
3. I swear officer I was helping that goat through the fence
How did the Bama fan break his arm raking leaves?
He fell out the tree
3, 1 to hold the pan and 2 to shake the stove.
What are the 3 biggest lies in Alabama?
1. It's paid for
2. I didn't know she was my cousin
3. I swear officer I was helping that goat through the fence
How did the Bama fan break his arm raking leaves?
He fell out the tree
Posted on 12/1/12 at 2:20 pm to ycdawgfan
What do you call a guy from Alabama that doesnt have sex with his sister? An only child
Posted on 12/1/12 at 2:31 pm to Buddy2012
An Alabama fan walked into a pharmacy, and told the pharmacist, "I need two packs of birth control pills. One for my wife, and the other for my 13 year old daughter."
The pharmacist replied, obviously a little shocked by the request, " What, your 13 year old daughter is sexually active??"
"Naw" the 'bama fan replied, "She pretty much just lays there, like her mother."
The pharmacist replied, obviously a little shocked by the request, " What, your 13 year old daughter is sexually active??"
"Naw" the 'bama fan replied, "She pretty much just lays there, like her mother."
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