'Twas the Night before SEC Football Vol. 3

‘Twas the night before SEC football, when all through the South
The morons on tRant kept running their mouths;

So much has changed, where to even begin?
How about January, with LSU’s final win;

A bit of a slow start, but no need to worry
This Joe Brady offense could score point in a hurry;

Burrow rushed for one touchdown and had five through the air
While the O-line cleared holes for Clyde Edwards-Helaire;

Aranda’s stingy defense limited opportunities to score
Something Bama and Saban could not do the year before;

At the end of the night, there was a victory cigar
Coach O takes a drag, “football football, yar yar!”

Just one week later, a virus came from the far east
Its origins traced to a horseshoe bat feast;

Basketball tournament canceled, and the remainder of spring
To flatten the curve, there were no gatherings;

Players sent home, spring practice barely begun
Panic set in, from Knoxville to Wuhan;

A shutdown or lockdown, some called it quarantine
No sports on TV, so we watched Tiger King;

Beginning the summer, football season had no chance
The only sports outlet, Korean Baseball and The Last Dance;

Meanwhile NBA players began reporting to a bubble
But a college football season still looked to be in trouble;

By the end of July, baseball also got going
Were the prospects of playing football actually growing?

Then in early August, a decision had to be made
The Big 10 and Pac 12 chose the cowardly way;

Their decision to cancel came as no surprise
Spineless and gutless and chock-full of lies;

Our Commissioner called Sankey moved with logic and reason
Proceed slowly and safely so there could be a season;

Now dust off the helmets, pull the pads from the shelves
There will be football, but we’ll play only ourselves;

The anticipation builds as game day approaches
Especially at those schools who have hired new coaches;

A leg hike in the Egg Bowl had us bidding adieu
Goodbye Luke and Moorhead, we hardly knew you;

Joey Freshwater to Ole Miss, so coeds beware
No blonde is off limits on the Oxford square;

Mike Leach heads to State, a pirate they stole
From Pullman to Starkville, another a shithole;

The Hogs canned Chad Morris, too many losses to name
Just as many conference wins when he left as when he came;

Snubbed by Kiffin, Arkansas moved way down their list
While Missouri ditched Odom to hire some guy name Drinkwitz;

Odom now calls the defense for the hogs on the hill
And Chad crawled to daddy Gus, another offense to kill;

What this season will bring, no one can possibly know
Teams must also prepare for that invisible foe;

No tailgates or parties and fewer fans in the stands
Don't forget your facemask and please wash your hands;

So sleep well all you ranters, go enjoy a nice beer;
For when you wake in the morning, SEC football will be here;

May your weekends be filled with pretty women and good booze
I hate all of your teams, and I hope that you lose.