‘Twas the night before SEC football Vol. 2

‘Twas the night before SEC football, when all through the South
The morons on tRant kept running their mouths;

Sure the Gators and Aggies have already played
One during week zero, the other Thursday;

Are we all in agreement that week zero games should be outlawed?
If for no other reason than the title of this piece is now flawed;

While last offseason was filled with coaching changes galore
This one has been a relative bore;

Perhaps Florida had the most interesting offseason
Players transferring out for a whole host of reasons;

The exodus prompted many to question what’s going on
As Cousin Eddie empties the shitter out on the front lawn;

When we last saw the Tide, their defense was reeling
Saban angered on the sideline, jumping and squealing;

Bama could not figure out how to stop Steffi Graf
While the trolls on tRant had themselves a good laugh;

Clear to everyone watching, Clemson was the best team
Countless posts during the offseason citing 44 to 16;

In the SEC Championship, Georgia looked to be on a mission
Up by two scores on Alabama, a familiar position;

But an injury to Tua, and Hurts coming in
As Yogi Berra once said, “It’s déjà vu all over again”;

Off to New Orleans to face Texas and Tom Herman
Who torched the Bulldog defenses just like General Sherman;

Speaking of burning and going down in flames
Auburn still pays Gus $49 million to win just 8 games;

Win only 8 more, and Auburn may say goodbye
Sent back to the Ozarks to coach Springdale High;

Oddsmakers believe Coach O could also be shown the door
Although he beat UCF, unlike Auburn the year before;

Two losses in November are the cause for consternation
First loss to the Aggies since the Clinton administration;

74 to 72, perhaps the game of the year
Aggies filled up their jars, “That’s why we brought Jimbo here!”;

To the Aggies it was only the second-best win of the season
The best being a moral victory, keeping it close against Clemson;

Aggie transfer Nick Starkel has found a new home
From College Station to Fayetteville, the sideline he’ll still roam;

Losing out on the job to the starter Ben Hicks
The Hogs will be happy and lucky if they go 6 and 6;

Same holds true for Carolina, just look at the schedule
Cocks will win some and Boom some, season will be nothing special;

Kentucky is still celebrating a memorable 10 wins
Sure beats watching Calipari squander superior talent yet again;

Missouri brings in Kelly Bryant, who quit on his old team
Clemson clearly didn’t need him, now he follows his dream;

Of being coached by Derek Dooley, assured fortune and fame
And playing in War Memorial Stadium for his bowl game;

Academic misconduct, infraction du jour in the SEC
Color me shocked that it would happen in the State of Mississippi;

Where prestigious institutions teach their pupils to read and write so well
And how to go “Clanga! Clanga!” with a maroon and white cowbell;

While the Rebels still bemoan the departure of savior Hugh Freezus
Escort service back on speed dial, welcome to Oxford Rich Rodriguez;

First-year coach Jeremy Pruitt keeps with Volunteer tradition
By allowing Vanderbilt to beat the Vols into submission;

So sleep well all you ranters, go enjoy a nice beer;
For when you wake in the morning, SEC football will be here

May your weekends be filled with pretty women and good booze
I hate all of your teams, and I hope that you lose.