Dear SEC: We will screw up our coaching search at Arkansas

Go ahead and mark yourselves down as being victorious over us over the next five years. We will totally and completely and royally screw up our coaching search.

Why? Patented Historic Fricking Arkansas Foolish Pride. That's why.

Pride. Bad. Arkansas pride. Worse. The worst. The worst ever. We are worse than the Israelites screaming to God that they wanted a king, when God really did not want Israel to have a king. But what did Israel do? They kept whining and moaning and complaining and pissing themselves until God gave in and gave them Saul.

And that's what we do at Arkansas. We piss ourselves. We don't even have to be elderly to do it and it doesn't have to be in the middle of the night because of a bladder or prostate issue.

We are perfectly capable of pissing on the top of our own heads in the middle of the day, in public. Even our women can do it. Why? Because pride means pissing all over yourself in Arkansas. Piss on yourself. Piss on each other. Because my daddy got money, old money, new money, won the lottery, I know a Razorback player and I talked to his daddy, my mama know a state supreme court justice, I won that fight at the tailgate in Little Rock bitch!, I'm a self-important moderator or administrator on a message board full of complete dipshits and it makes me feel SO GOOD!!!, but I'm angry, I'm so angry, I'm angry all the time because I'm a big fricking fish in Hazen or Mt Ida or Pine Bluff or Waldron or Lonoke or Springdale or Pea Ridge and I DONT THINK PEOPLE ARE LISTENING TO ME LIKE THEY SHOULD, and Bo Mattingly is a YANKEE FROM FLORIDA!, AND HE DONE PULLED A COUP DE VILLE ON OUR PROGRAM WITH THEM OTHER YANKEES JEFF LONG AND BRET BIELEMA AND I'M GLAD THEM SONS OF BITCHES ARE GONE BUT IT'S BACK TO THE GOOD OLE BOY NETWORK AROUND HERE AND PEOPLE AREN'T LISTENING TO ME LIKE THEY SHOULD BECAUSE I'M A SELF IMPORTANT frickTARD AND THE ACTUAL SUN DOES ACTUALLY REVOLVED AROUND MY HEAD IN CONWAY!!!!