re: I am at a Tennessee wedding right now

I love how at the beginning of the tour when you see that big stalagmite that looks like the top has been rubbed down the guide guy is like "Oh yeah, you can touch this stalagmite but non of the others" and I was at the front of the line and just looked at him like "I ain't touching that shite, ninja". You know how many gross, fat, and trashy arse people touched that thing? I already know some fat bastard reached down his pants to itch his nuts while he took that elevator ride down. That thing probably has dick cheese and who knows what else on it.