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Female Troubles
Posted on 1/20/16 at 9:00 am
Posted on 1/20/16 at 9:00 am
So I'm having female problems. I have been with my fiancé for a while now. Over 3 years to be exact.
We are not speaking at the moment, not because I don't want to be but because she won't talk to me.
She told me she did not want to marry me and gave me the ring back and hasn't spoken to me in 2 days.
The reason that we are in this mess is because one morning I was on my phone and laughing at some of the online dating sites. The people on them more than anything. Why I looked it up is still puzzling to myself but I know it wasn't in pursuit of anyone else. I had the intentions of actually showing her some of the people on the site.
Moral of the story, she found my phone while I was sleeping and freaked out, as you'd expect, I attempted to explain and she obviously thinks I am lying when I tried explaining everything. She got her stuff and left for her parents without saying anything.
From a man's perspective, it is logical for me to see that if I was attempting to cheat or have cheated that I would not leave it on my phone, would delete the history, and would not be as frantic as I am about this entire situation.
I also would have dating stuff on my email, would have texts, phone calls and other stuff on social media that would suggest this. I am clean and being genuine and legitimate with the truth.
I love her more than anything and I overnighted her a letter with a card. I also am having flowers delivered to her house today. I put in there if she wants to go to a spa and salon one day soon that I would expense it all and because she deserves a day.
I don't really know what else to do so if any of you have gone through something similar. I'd appreciate any advice.
We are not speaking at the moment, not because I don't want to be but because she won't talk to me.
She told me she did not want to marry me and gave me the ring back and hasn't spoken to me in 2 days.
The reason that we are in this mess is because one morning I was on my phone and laughing at some of the online dating sites. The people on them more than anything. Why I looked it up is still puzzling to myself but I know it wasn't in pursuit of anyone else. I had the intentions of actually showing her some of the people on the site.
Moral of the story, she found my phone while I was sleeping and freaked out, as you'd expect, I attempted to explain and she obviously thinks I am lying when I tried explaining everything. She got her stuff and left for her parents without saying anything.
From a man's perspective, it is logical for me to see that if I was attempting to cheat or have cheated that I would not leave it on my phone, would delete the history, and would not be as frantic as I am about this entire situation.
I also would have dating stuff on my email, would have texts, phone calls and other stuff on social media that would suggest this. I am clean and being genuine and legitimate with the truth.
I love her more than anything and I overnighted her a letter with a card. I also am having flowers delivered to her house today. I put in there if she wants to go to a spa and salon one day soon that I would expense it all and because she deserves a day.
I don't really know what else to do so if any of you have gone through something similar. I'd appreciate any advice.
43
Posted on 1/20/16 at 9:09 am to South Alabama Tide
I see one of two possibilities here:
1) This was just the straw that broke the camel's back for her. Don't know if you can do much in that case.
2) If you have given her no other signs of being unfaithful and have generally been a good guy, then do you really want to be with such an overreacting drama queen? Count your blessings bud, that you got to know the real her before you tied the knot.
1) This was just the straw that broke the camel's back for her. Don't know if you can do much in that case.
2) If you have given her no other signs of being unfaithful and have generally been a good guy, then do you really want to be with such an overreacting drama queen? Count your blessings bud, that you got to know the real her before you tied the knot.
Posted on 1/20/16 at 9:09 am to South Alabama Tide
If you explained all this to her then perhaps she was looking for an excuse to leave. Considered that?
Posted on 1/20/16 at 9:11 am to South Alabama Tide
Who cares, she wants out. I don't get why you people try so hard when the other person lets you know they want out. Next.
Posted on 1/20/16 at 9:14 am to PrivatePublic
Well we have had a few fights prior that was a result of me just having perverted conversations with my high school and college buddies. This was the typical things like "oh you got a new girl? How are her boobs?" This happened a few times and we had big fights but we didn't end anything. This was the first time she gave the ring back and said I'm not marrying you.
Posted on 1/20/16 at 9:16 am to Kentucker
She wasn't looking for an out because we were perfect the night prior. Like we literally were normal. Future talks were great, steady romantic sex, etc
Posted on 1/20/16 at 9:16 am to Stacked
I would agree with you there except she wants out because she thinks I was cheating. I feel if she knew the real truth that wouldn't be the case.
Posted on 1/20/16 at 9:19 am to South Alabama Tide
Only thing you can do is give her space and let her decide if she wants to come back. You fricked up and got caught, and it shook her trust. You can't talk your way back into her trust.
Posted on 1/20/16 at 9:21 am to South Alabama Tide
quote:
This was the typical things like "oh you got a new girl? How are her boobs?"
This isn't typical, at least not when you have your own significant other, and certainly not typical when that person is within earshot.
You sound pretty immature, and it sounds like she may have woken up one morning and decided that she wanted a little more maturity in her man. If you truly want her back, you may have to do some growing up.
Posted on 1/20/16 at 9:21 am to South Alabama Tide
1. Have you cheated?
2. Do you flirt with others?
3. Do you look at porn?
2. Do you flirt with others?
3. Do you look at porn?
Posted on 1/20/16 at 9:23 am to PrivatePublic
quote:
1) This was just the straw that broke the camel's back for her. Don't know if you can do much in that case.
probably the case.
i will say after 11+ years of a very happy marriage, there are some times that my wife just loses her shite over crazy things.
case in point.... i dip, but i keep it from her. she knows i do. i know she knows, but i don't do it around her. there is never a spit cup or can of tobacco present in our house. one night before she grabbed laundry, i went and grabbed a can out of a pocket. i guess i did it just secretly/guiltily enough that she was convinced i was hiding something from her. i told her i was getting a receipt out (which was true, a receipt for the dip) but it escalated all the way to me finally pulling it out of the drawer and saying "see. this is all it was" but for some reason, she really thought i was keeping something dubious from her.
moral of story: bitches are crazy.
Posted on 1/20/16 at 9:26 am to South Alabama Tide
That is tough.
I do feel for your situation.
My wife and I almost broke up right before our marriage because of something incredibly stupid I did. I wrote her a letter explaining that I knew it was stupid. I did not try to rationalize or justify it. I just apologized for what was obviously my fault and begged her forgiveness. I let her know how much she meant to me and that I would never give her a reason to doubt me again. Twenty years later and I am still trying to be the best husband I can be.
She already had her bags packed and left for awhile. All I can say is tell her (if she will not talk, take the time to actually write her). Do not make excuses, just tell her what she means to you and assure her you will change your behavior.
One caveat to this. A man's word is all he has. If you have any doubts about the grass being greener, do not commit.
I bet some of the female posters can give more perspective, but that is all I have.
I wish you the best of luck m8.
I do feel for your situation.
My wife and I almost broke up right before our marriage because of something incredibly stupid I did. I wrote her a letter explaining that I knew it was stupid. I did not try to rationalize or justify it. I just apologized for what was obviously my fault and begged her forgiveness. I let her know how much she meant to me and that I would never give her a reason to doubt me again. Twenty years later and I am still trying to be the best husband I can be.
She already had her bags packed and left for awhile. All I can say is tell her (if she will not talk, take the time to actually write her). Do not make excuses, just tell her what she means to you and assure her you will change your behavior.
One caveat to this. A man's word is all he has. If you have any doubts about the grass being greener, do not commit.
I bet some of the female posters can give more perspective, but that is all I have.
I wish you the best of luck m8.
Posted on 1/20/16 at 9:31 am to South Alabama Tide
You should have lit into her for snooping on your phone. Make her fricking apologize or tell her to stay gone.
Oh yeah, and stop being such a pussy.
Oh yeah, and stop being such a pussy.
Posted on 1/20/16 at 9:35 am to 3nOut
quote:
case in point.... i dip, but i keep it from her. she knows i do. i know she knows, but i don't do it around her.
quote:
moral of story: bitches are crazy.
Stop playing bitch games. What is crazy is a grown arse man hiding shite from his wife like a teenager from his parents.
Posted on 1/20/16 at 9:37 am to South Alabama Tide
From a female perspective...
If you have never given her a reason to doubt you, be glad she spared you a lifetime of looking over your shoulder, paranoid snooping, never believing you and making you feel horrible for HER insecurities.
Maybe I'm an odd chick, but I don't get females like that. It would be a miserable way to live life always thinking your SO was stepping out or wanting to step out.
Sounds like she may have self-esteem issues that you may not even be aware of. Until she recognizes and fixes that about herself,nothing you do will ever abate her fear of you straying.
Hope it all works out for you, though, and y'all can move past this. Sounds like that's on her, though. Don't feel guilty about something that I, as a female, would have laughed with you at and not freaked out over.
If you have never given her a reason to doubt you, be glad she spared you a lifetime of looking over your shoulder, paranoid snooping, never believing you and making you feel horrible for HER insecurities.
Maybe I'm an odd chick, but I don't get females like that. It would be a miserable way to live life always thinking your SO was stepping out or wanting to step out.
Sounds like she may have self-esteem issues that you may not even be aware of. Until she recognizes and fixes that about herself,nothing you do will ever abate her fear of you straying.
Hope it all works out for you, though, and y'all can move past this. Sounds like that's on her, though. Don't feel guilty about something that I, as a female, would have laughed with you at and not freaked out over.
Posted on 1/20/16 at 9:38 am to South Alabama Tide
Give her some time and she will come around. Kind of a knee jerk response on her part. If you tell her the truth in a kind manner and she still doesn't listen, maybe it's time to move on.
Posted on 1/20/16 at 9:38 am to Aux Arc
She doesn't like it and I'm not going to stop doing it.
Works for us.
Works for us.
Posted on 1/20/16 at 9:41 am to 3nOut
LOL
Gotta love other people who tell you how to handle your business when advice is not solicited!
Are you married?
Are you happy?
Then frick that guy.
Does it work?
Gotta love other people who tell you how to handle your business when advice is not solicited!
Are you married?
Are you happy?
Then frick that guy.
Does it work?
Posted on 1/20/16 at 9:41 am to South Alabama Tide
That's more effort than I would put in to trying to get a woman back. My first wife did stuff like that all the time and I swore I would never deal with it again and I assure you it will only get worse once you get married.
Posted on 1/20/16 at 9:49 am to South Alabama Tide
quote:
Well we have had a few fights prior that was a result of me just having perverted conversations with my high school and college buddies. This was the typical things like "oh you got a new girl? How are her boobs?" This happened a few times and we had big fights but we didn't end anything. This was the first time she gave the ring back and said I'm not marrying you.
No offense, but you don't seem mature enough to be married at this point and that is possibly the perspective of your former fiance'. You have lost her trust with your behavior and once trust is lost it is almost impossible to regain. In short, it's probably best to move on, consider your behavior and your goals in life. Marriage might not be right for you at this stage in your life. It would be better to recognize this now rather than to move into a marriage that will never work. This is coming from someone who has been happily married for over 30 years.
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