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Mildew Infested Trailers: The stench of the Auburn fan base..
Posted on 10/3/14 at 8:46 am
Posted on 10/3/14 at 8:46 am
Auburn fans smell just like mildew infested trailers..
It baffled LSU fans for generations, but after finally making a trip to attend an LSU/Auburn match up I was able to pinpoint the musty, foul odor.
Yep, Auburn fans smell like mildew infested trailers.
It shouldn’t have been that hard to decipher due to the fact that Auburn, AL is well known as the trailer capital of the world instead of the City where Auburn University resides, but the odor has eluded LSU fans for many years.
On our trip, we didn’t feel the need to mention it all, since they were more than happy to invite us to their tailgate and into their fine RVs while revel in the unnatural smell. Actually, RV is an extreme stretch of a word choice, but we decided to let it slide.
You see, an Auburn fan considers an RV the same as taking his 1978 Chevrolet Silverado, hooking it up to his mobile home, and dragging it to campus for 7 home games every fall.
Of course, we would never correct their usage of their trailers as recreational vehicles because we didn’t want to offend our tailgate hosts. (And face the wrath of the three-toothed Bubba’s, which seemed to come as a standard option at each tailgate.)
We stepped up the 3 feet into the trailer onto worn milk crates, which had seen better days, and the inside was almost indescribable. Worn yellow linoleum, and green shag carpet was intermixed throughout the entire trailer. Stained couches and a lazyboy adorned the room along with green-black (originally white in color) curtains, which hung across the windows. And the smell, the smell that had escaped my grasp for the previous 15 years, hit my nostrils with the full force of a sulphur mine, a sewage plant and a landfill all at once.
Initially, I was dazed and my eyes rolled back in my head for a second, but I quickly switched to mouth breathing as a means of survival. Taking quick breaths and holding for periods, which would make David Blaine awestruck, was the only way to stay conscious. I could only sit there, smiling and nodding, afraid of passing out from oxygen depraved exertion, while they showed my a family tree that cousin Billy Joe Jim-Bob drew up (that didn’t fork, I might add) as my face turned 3 shades of red, blue and purple.
Well, we could have respectfully declined their invitations, but we felt that by doing so would offend the hordes of fans that littered the campus. Scenes of the Deer Hunter flashed in our minds along with the sounds of dueling banjos, so we decided to err on the side of caution. However, nearing the edge of death, while seeing the most f’ed up visions a sane person should never see, was almost as bad.
The best thing you can take from my experience is to avoid the trip to Auburn at all costs, unless you like having your eyes bleed and all of your nose hairs singed in one single breath. (NOT fun, I repeat NOT fun at all.)
I think this may be why a lot of fans outside of the states of Alabama have decided to skip the Auburn trip altogether. If you do find yourself attending a game in Auburn, make sure you stop by your local medical distributor to purchase an oxygen mask and a few bullet tanks of oxygen to make it through the weekend. Also, it hasn’t been proven (yet) that a mixture of 100% oxygen and the 20-year-old mildewed insides of a trailer are not explosive when mixed.
It’s best to make up a good excuse (of which I have failed to come up with yet) if invited to their tailgate or point and shout, “Holy shite! It’s the f’ing BEAR!” This usually sends the Auburn fans scurrying back into their trailers and cringing with horror over the thought of 30 more years of having their asses handed to them in the Iron Bowl.
It's hard. I know. When you trying to avoid something, whether it’s avoiding from starting at the garish mole on the face of the Auburn Homecoming queen or trying to will the neurons for your sense of smell to somehow shut off, in the end, it’s virtually impossible. You end up staring at the mole and pointing without even knowing you’re doing it or running away as fast as one breath can take you. (274.5 ft.. I tried more than once.)
You know what else is you can do? Bring scuba gear. I know I mentioned the oxygen mask and bullet tanks of oxygen, but this is virtually full-proof. Auburn does have a marine biology curriculum. If someone asks why you’re wearing full scuba gear around campus, just tell them you’re going to class. Yes, I know that you would then have to pretend that you DO go to Auburn, but believe me, the pains you will avoid will more than make up for the ice-pick jabs to the ears you’ll feel by saying it. However, I still haven’t figured how to get the Gate Marshals to let me into the stadium.
I think the local kids have already become accustomed to the smell. You will surely need to give your kids lessons on how to survive around the locals. (If you’re crazy enough to allow it.) You could pretend your kids have chronic nosebleeds, which require them to always have 7-8 cotton balls shoved up each nostril, or you could superglue their each nostril shut. Don’t worry, the 4 days (the average time it takes for the nostrils to reopen) of not being able to smell will be worth it.
Rumors abound that prolonged exposure to extreme mildew inhaling can lead to brain damage in children. Believe me, I’ve looked around (before my eyes started to water profusely) and the Auburn kids do look a little weird. It could be from generations of inbreeding. However, like I said before, erring on the side of caution is not always a bad thing.
I know when you go to Auburn, you're thinking: "Ahhhh. Here I am in Auburn, AL. I can’t wait for the smell of fresh country air,” but you will be rudely awakened and simultaneously knocked the frick out.
Be this a warning to all…
Auburn Sucks by T-Pain and Early
It baffled LSU fans for generations, but after finally making a trip to attend an LSU/Auburn match up I was able to pinpoint the musty, foul odor.
Yep, Auburn fans smell like mildew infested trailers.
It shouldn’t have been that hard to decipher due to the fact that Auburn, AL is well known as the trailer capital of the world instead of the City where Auburn University resides, but the odor has eluded LSU fans for many years.
On our trip, we didn’t feel the need to mention it all, since they were more than happy to invite us to their tailgate and into their fine RVs while revel in the unnatural smell. Actually, RV is an extreme stretch of a word choice, but we decided to let it slide.
You see, an Auburn fan considers an RV the same as taking his 1978 Chevrolet Silverado, hooking it up to his mobile home, and dragging it to campus for 7 home games every fall.
Of course, we would never correct their usage of their trailers as recreational vehicles because we didn’t want to offend our tailgate hosts. (And face the wrath of the three-toothed Bubba’s, which seemed to come as a standard option at each tailgate.)
We stepped up the 3 feet into the trailer onto worn milk crates, which had seen better days, and the inside was almost indescribable. Worn yellow linoleum, and green shag carpet was intermixed throughout the entire trailer. Stained couches and a lazyboy adorned the room along with green-black (originally white in color) curtains, which hung across the windows. And the smell, the smell that had escaped my grasp for the previous 15 years, hit my nostrils with the full force of a sulphur mine, a sewage plant and a landfill all at once.
Initially, I was dazed and my eyes rolled back in my head for a second, but I quickly switched to mouth breathing as a means of survival. Taking quick breaths and holding for periods, which would make David Blaine awestruck, was the only way to stay conscious. I could only sit there, smiling and nodding, afraid of passing out from oxygen depraved exertion, while they showed my a family tree that cousin Billy Joe Jim-Bob drew up (that didn’t fork, I might add) as my face turned 3 shades of red, blue and purple.
Well, we could have respectfully declined their invitations, but we felt that by doing so would offend the hordes of fans that littered the campus. Scenes of the Deer Hunter flashed in our minds along with the sounds of dueling banjos, so we decided to err on the side of caution. However, nearing the edge of death, while seeing the most f’ed up visions a sane person should never see, was almost as bad.
The best thing you can take from my experience is to avoid the trip to Auburn at all costs, unless you like having your eyes bleed and all of your nose hairs singed in one single breath. (NOT fun, I repeat NOT fun at all.)
I think this may be why a lot of fans outside of the states of Alabama have decided to skip the Auburn trip altogether. If you do find yourself attending a game in Auburn, make sure you stop by your local medical distributor to purchase an oxygen mask and a few bullet tanks of oxygen to make it through the weekend. Also, it hasn’t been proven (yet) that a mixture of 100% oxygen and the 20-year-old mildewed insides of a trailer are not explosive when mixed.
It’s best to make up a good excuse (of which I have failed to come up with yet) if invited to their tailgate or point and shout, “Holy shite! It’s the f’ing BEAR!” This usually sends the Auburn fans scurrying back into their trailers and cringing with horror over the thought of 30 more years of having their asses handed to them in the Iron Bowl.
It's hard. I know. When you trying to avoid something, whether it’s avoiding from starting at the garish mole on the face of the Auburn Homecoming queen or trying to will the neurons for your sense of smell to somehow shut off, in the end, it’s virtually impossible. You end up staring at the mole and pointing without even knowing you’re doing it or running away as fast as one breath can take you. (274.5 ft.. I tried more than once.)
You know what else is you can do? Bring scuba gear. I know I mentioned the oxygen mask and bullet tanks of oxygen, but this is virtually full-proof. Auburn does have a marine biology curriculum. If someone asks why you’re wearing full scuba gear around campus, just tell them you’re going to class. Yes, I know that you would then have to pretend that you DO go to Auburn, but believe me, the pains you will avoid will more than make up for the ice-pick jabs to the ears you’ll feel by saying it. However, I still haven’t figured how to get the Gate Marshals to let me into the stadium.
I think the local kids have already become accustomed to the smell. You will surely need to give your kids lessons on how to survive around the locals. (If you’re crazy enough to allow it.) You could pretend your kids have chronic nosebleeds, which require them to always have 7-8 cotton balls shoved up each nostril, or you could superglue their each nostril shut. Don’t worry, the 4 days (the average time it takes for the nostrils to reopen) of not being able to smell will be worth it.
Rumors abound that prolonged exposure to extreme mildew inhaling can lead to brain damage in children. Believe me, I’ve looked around (before my eyes started to water profusely) and the Auburn kids do look a little weird. It could be from generations of inbreeding. However, like I said before, erring on the side of caution is not always a bad thing.
I know when you go to Auburn, you're thinking: "Ahhhh. Here I am in Auburn, AL. I can’t wait for the smell of fresh country air,” but you will be rudely awakened and simultaneously knocked the frick out.
Be this a warning to all…
Auburn Sucks by T-Pain and Early
This post was edited on 10/3/14 at 8:48 am
Posted on 10/3/14 at 8:47 am to FAF
didn't read, but upvote for headline.
Posted on 10/3/14 at 8:48 am to FAF
I can't even get rustled, the absurdity of LSU calling Auburn trashy is just too much.
Posted on 10/3/14 at 8:51 am to FAF
the title and link get an up vote
Posted on 10/3/14 at 9:03 am to FAF
Is this an original that you wrote or a copy and paste?
Posted on 10/3/14 at 9:15 am to FAF
quote:
Auburn fans smell just like mildew infested trailers
Fact!
Posted on 10/3/14 at 9:16 am to FAF
This is the king of response threads.
Posted on 10/3/14 at 9:21 am to FAF
tldr...downvote for dickriding the corndog smell
Posted on 10/3/14 at 9:29 am to FAF
The biggest response thread/story ever.
Let thy corndog jimmy be rustled...
Let thy corndog jimmy be rustled...
Posted on 10/3/14 at 9:29 am to FAF
A lot of work for something stupid.
Down vote.
Down vote.
Posted on 10/3/14 at 9:32 am to FAF
As a Bama fan that went to Auburn and lived in one of those trailers many years ago, I say....
guilty as charged.
guilty as charged.
Posted on 10/3/14 at 9:38 am to FAF
Will be henceforth referred to as the MITs.
Posted on 10/3/14 at 9:50 am to FAF
didnt read that novel but based on the title you could have saved 3 days of your life typing that & simply stated "the AU fan base smells just like my moms vag"
Posted on 10/3/14 at 10:26 am to FAF
Great thread. Will read to my children and my children's children every year before carving the turkey on Thanksgiving.
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