Quit You, F**ked You, Set Your Dumpster on Fire, Lied to You: Arky's HC's

"You can't teach a pig to hunt," those were the famous last words of Houston Nutt, muttered as he resigned his position for the more fruitful Head Coaching opportunity at Ole Miss. After years of exceeding all recruiting expectations in the lowly recruiting grounds/realm that is Arky, Nutt had just beaten the #1 ranked team in 2007, but 3 days later he realized that everything Arky football does is futile and bolted. He Quit 'em.

Arky, desperate for a coach of any national relevance, found Bobby Petrino, who was on his way out of ATL. With Petrino came some of the hogs GOAT teams and moral victories. However, after moving to AR, Bobby P enveloped the lifestyle of low brow ethics associated with the state and cheated on his wife, family, school and country. His adulterous wiener made national headlines, all for a butta-face chick. Bobby couldn't drive the hawgs to success, or ride a hog safely, he was doomed for failure. Bobby F**ked Arky.

Then there was that other guy, nobody remembers his name, but they can recall that he was in a massive amount of debt from bad land deals with the Manziel family. After winning 2 or 3 games, (I really don't know and it doesn't matter,) the Ozark was on fire and the sooie's for drastic change rang far and wide. WhatsHisFace set Arky's program on fire and out of control.

The squeal for help was heard by non-other than ManBearPig himself, Brett Beilemia (sp), who was fresh off a big season at Wisconsin. Brett came in with a fire in his belly from too many Taco Bell Fire Tacos, but he also came in with a swagger associated with getting ZJ's from a wife who obviously underkicked her coverage. Bielemia was quoted as saying, "I get 15% off at Walmart for life, I'm here for the long haul and I promise we'll get to a bowl game this year." That promise is now in jeopardy. Arky is sailing on a 3 consecutive game losing streak and they haven't even got to the tough part of their schedule. ManBearPig lied to the Hawgs.

The Coaching Carousel in Arky is still going strong, it's no longer a question of "who can get it done," it's "who's left to talk to that would even give us the time of day."