The Butthole Thread

Today, I had to go to a butthole doctor for the first time in my life.

Got examined and told that I have a hemorrhoid.

I got a prescription for some butt paste.

That was a very awkward experience.

First, the waiting room took over an hour past my appointment. I was told "the doctor got held up in surgery and is 30 minutes behind schedule."

There was a muslim lady who came in after me. She got impatient with the delay. She kept raising hell, going to the counter, asking when she would be seen, etc. The rest of us just sat there, avoiding eye contact with the other patients at the butthole doctor's office, like normal human beings. I sat in a glider, and read Good Housekeeping like it was the most interesting piece of literature ever written.

So I finally get in the exam room, and its about what you'd expect. I get my butthole examined by a doctor. He put a greased-up instrument of some kind up my butthole. Then, he blew air into my butthole (with the same instrument). So, basically in a situation where I am focusing on not having to fart, this guy starts pumping artificial farts into my butthole.

When he is finished, he shakes my hand, calls me "buddy" and leaves like nothing happened. Then, this woman comes in and asks if I'd mind having a colonoscopy scheduled. She said its optional, but that I'd need one a few years anyway, so having it might clear me for the next 10 years. Feeling extremely vulnerable, I acquiesce.

As I'm leaving, I enter a hallway. There is the Muslim woman, nude from the waist down, wrapped in a paper drape, tearily sobbing "When can I beeeee seeeeeeeen?"

It was one of the most humiliating and awkward doctor's appointments of my life. I have to say, the butt paste they gave me feels sublime. I may order extra just to keep around the house.

Anybody else experience something similar?