Started By
Message
To Arkansas Fans - From an arrogant Gump
Posted on 9/21/10 at 10:16 am
Posted on 9/21/10 at 10:16 am
The game will wind down in the eary evening hours on Saturday. Then, from Mountain Home to Magnolia and Fort Smith to Forrest City, common law wives all across Arkansas will be calling the women's shelter over in the next county (which also doubles as a Bait shop) pleading for a place to stay. "He's never raised a hand to me before", she'll say. "Well, least nary a time I ain't ask for it first, for pleasure and the like, if you know what I mean. It's that damned football game. Why them boys have to let that happen. WHY!"
"Fleshy, OMG", you're thinking. "What happened in that football game to cause the lovely women of Arkansas to fear for their well being?"
Well, it hasn't happened yet bro, but I can tell you what will happen. A bloodbath. Not talking figurative, a real bloodbath. I can see Marcel Dareus ripping off a tiny meth leg from Mallett's body and beating him to death with it. When poor Ryan goes back to rehab, it won't be for drugs. It will be for nightmares. He'll be like Brittany Murphy in "Don't Say A Word". Just rocking back and forth..."I'lllll never tellllll".
This game won't really resemble a game at all. It'll be like the Alamo. When General Saban Anna and his troops kill, perhaps literally, every living thing in the place, from ball boys to cotton candy vendors, all of Arkansas (the survivors at least) will forever inspire future generations with "Remember the Reynolds Razorback!". But they won't remember. Because they won't want to. Too painful. Too grizzly.
I'll be here when the game is over. Posting about Alabama's dominance in every phase of a game they won by 40 points. Then again, what Gump won't? That's why I'm here now. Calling this shite ahead of time. So you can go back and read this again when it's all over and say "he saw it coming...he tried to warn us".
May God have mercy on your souls, Hogs fans. Because I sure as hell won't.
"Fleshy, OMG", you're thinking. "What happened in that football game to cause the lovely women of Arkansas to fear for their well being?"
Well, it hasn't happened yet bro, but I can tell you what will happen. A bloodbath. Not talking figurative, a real bloodbath. I can see Marcel Dareus ripping off a tiny meth leg from Mallett's body and beating him to death with it. When poor Ryan goes back to rehab, it won't be for drugs. It will be for nightmares. He'll be like Brittany Murphy in "Don't Say A Word". Just rocking back and forth..."I'lllll never tellllll".
This game won't really resemble a game at all. It'll be like the Alamo. When General Saban Anna and his troops kill, perhaps literally, every living thing in the place, from ball boys to cotton candy vendors, all of Arkansas (the survivors at least) will forever inspire future generations with "Remember the Reynolds Razorback!". But they won't remember. Because they won't want to. Too painful. Too grizzly.
I'll be here when the game is over. Posting about Alabama's dominance in every phase of a game they won by 40 points. Then again, what Gump won't? That's why I'm here now. Calling this shite ahead of time. So you can go back and read this again when it's all over and say "he saw it coming...he tried to warn us".
May God have mercy on your souls, Hogs fans. Because I sure as hell won't.
14
Posted on 9/21/10 at 10:16 am to FleshEatingSalsa
ban land
Posted on 9/21/10 at 10:17 am to FleshEatingSalsa
Man, I hope this doesn't come back to bite you in the arse Saturday night...
Posted on 9/21/10 at 10:18 am to FleshEatingSalsa
quote:
When General Saban Anna and his troops
I did not read hardly any of this post, but did catch the above statement.
For some reason, it just fits that an Alabama fan with a screen name of "FleshEatingSalsa" would say this.
Posted on 9/21/10 at 10:19 am to FleshEatingSalsa
Posted on 9/21/10 at 10:19 am to cyogi
I thought about reading this, then thought nah!
Posted on 9/21/10 at 10:30 am to pioneerbasketball
quote:
ban land
It was the title they objected to, I think. Not the content. By the way, I'm setting up an underground railroad type thing to get you and Sao out before the fighting begins.
This post was edited on 9/21/10 at 11:01 am
Posted on 9/21/10 at 10:32 am to NashvilleTider
quote:Cliff notes: Dumb arse statement from a gump to a hog.
I thought about reading this, then thought nah!
Posted on 9/21/10 at 10:35 am to FleshEatingSalsa
Posted on 9/21/10 at 10:35 am to BruslyTiger
Look I beat my wife when we do beat Bama, so.... what are trying to say?
Posted on 9/21/10 at 10:35 am to FleshEatingSalsa
I'll be too busy giving right hooks to my mistress to be banned if we lose. Can't let my daughter see her mother with a split lip.
Posted on 9/21/10 at 10:36 am to neveryield
quote:
Look I beat my wife when we do beat Bama, so.... what are trying to say?
(only if you're joking about beating your wife) Posted on 9/21/10 at 10:37 am to BruslyTiger
quote:
Dumb arse statement from a gump to a hog.
Isn't that the norm when these two types of folk converse???
Posted on 9/21/10 at 10:44 am to Hacker
quote:
From an arrogant Gump
Didn't need to read any further
Posted on 9/21/10 at 10:47 am to dslsufan80
quote:
Didn't need to read any further
But I'll bet you did.
Posted on 9/21/10 at 10:50 am to FleshEatingSalsa
quote:
Too grizzly.
It's always about the Bear with you people!
Posted on 9/21/10 at 10:54 am to DvlsAdvocat
quote:
Man, I hope this doesn't come back to bite you in the arse Saturday night...
It won't, we will arse drag Arkansas.
Posted on 9/21/10 at 10:57 am to BamaScoop
quote:
(only if you're joking about beating your wife)
I was. I've never beat her before. I just slap her around a little.
Posted on 9/21/10 at 10:57 am to AU34
quote:
It's always about the Bear with you people!
Good catch. If you record yourself reading the post out loud, then play it backwards, you'll know the first 15 plays for the Bama offense this Saturday.
Posted on 9/21/10 at 11:08 am to FleshEatingSalsa
quote:
To Arkansas Fans - From an arrogant Gump
The game will wind down in the eary evening hours on Saturday. Then, from Mountain Home to Magnolia and Fort Smith to Forrest City, common law wives all across Arkansas will be calling the women's shelter over in the next county (which also doubles as a Bait shop) pleading for a place to stay. "He's never raised a hand to me before", she'll say. "Well, least nary a time I ain't ask for it first, for pleasure and the like, if you know what I mean. It's that damned football game. Why them boys have to let that happen. WHY!"
"Fleshy, OMG", you're thinking. "What happened in that football game to cause the lovely women of Arkansas to fear for their well being?"
Well, it hasn't happened yet bro, but I can tell you what will happen. A bloodbath. Not talking figurative, a real bloodbath. I can see Marcel Dareus ripping off a tiny meth leg from Mallett's body and beating him to death with it. When poor Ryan goes back to rehab, it won't be for drugs. It will be for nightmares. He'll be like Brittany Murphy in "Don't Say A Word". Just rocking back and forth..."I'lllll never tellllll".
This game won't really resemble a game at all. It'll be like the Alamo. When General Saban Anna and his troops kill, perhaps literally, every living thing in the place, from ball boys to cotton candy vendors, all of Arkansas (the survivors at least) will forever inspire future generations with "Remember the Reynolds Razorback!". But they won't remember. Because they won't want to. Too painful. Too grizzly.
I'll be here when the game is over. Posting about Alabama's dominance in every phase of a game they won by 40 points. Then again, what Gump won't? That's why I'm here now. Calling this shite ahead of time. So you can go back and read this again when it's all over and say "he saw it coming...he tried to warn us".
May God have mercy on your souls, Hogs fans. Because I sure as hell won't.
Holy shite!
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