Shallow Hal must be a Bama Fan

BAAAAA HAA HAAA HAA!!!!

SEC Rant rejoice, your voice of reason has returned.

Yeah, I know what everyone is thinking...How exactly did BT escape Chicken's exile on a SEC dead, deserted island with no food and water?

Sea Turtles, mate.

Now where did I leave off? Hmmm.... oh yes.

Some certain Bama rants for optimism, shall we say, remind me of Jack Black's character in the movie "Shallow Hall".

In this, the most objective and brutally honest preview you'll ever get I will explain why Bama better make plans for Atlanta.

For the holidays, that is.
Or perhaps Dallas-- if you're lucky.

So, lets look at the honest, unbiased facts about how the stars aligned in no other imaginable way last year for Bama.

1. Alabama played not one, not two, but THREE (3) teams that normally have been better than Bama for well over a decade. All three had coaches on hot seats, two of them pressured into coordinator changes in the offseason that failed to jell and completly disrupted their seasons.

All three teams were in complete disarray. All failed to win a single game worth a damn all season.

That's three (3) of your 12 wins, against coachless, uninspired teams that totally tanked.

Let's move on.

2)Alabama also played Tulane, Western Kentucky, and Arkansas State. They didn't tank- hell, those teams have never gotten out of the septic system to begin with. Never have in decades. These rent a wins are common place in the SEC with everyone, I understand that. But facts are facts. App State would have beaten all three of these teams. So would have McNeese. Or Lady of the Lake With No Arms and Legs. You get the point. And so do we.

The point is...we have now covered 6 of your 12 wins last year

3) The everlasting dog of the SECW, Mississippi State, (4-8) makes the fodder for victory # 7. The rotation of ( 5-7) Kentucky on your schedule makes 8 of your 12 wins.I may add Bama squeaked by in both these games, and the Tulane game. Those are 8 of your 12 wins. Basically the easiest 8 regular season stretch anyone could ask for.

Even Notre Dame had an harder schedule.

Arkansas was a good effort. Alas, they were also a losing team,at 5-7, although much better team at the end of the season.

Make it 9.. NINE.... out of their 12 wins against terrible, and I mean terrible, TERRIBLE teams.

4) LSU has a ton of talent, still does, but not only went through 4 quarterbacks in 4 months, the "experiment" with co-DC's failed miserably. A combo no team, no matter how much talent, could overcome. Miles knew he made a mistake early in the season, but couldn't do anything about it. LSU also tanked after the UF game, but recovered nicely in the Chick Fil A bowl.

However facts are facts LSU was still not a Top 25 team at the end of the year.

We're up to 10 out of 12 teams.

Ole Miss was 30 yards of beating you and most educated observers think KNOW they were a better team than Bama was at the end of the year, just not in the middle of the year when you played them. Ole Miss was dropping 50 on Texas Tech, in Texas, while Bama was bumbling against a WAC team.

The Georgia game was the best (half) game Bama played all year. They beat a very good UGA that was top 25.

Make it two out of twelve then.

Now lets move on to crunch time in 2008.

5) In the SEC CG, it was closer than I thought. You played lights out for about 2.5 quarters, then UF slammed the door. In your third game against Top 10 talent, you lost. Once UF spread the field on Bama, they exposed your secondary.

Had UF had another quarter, they would have blown Bama out, like they did to everyone else. Look at the last 25 minutes of the game, UF dominated every phase of it.

So now the excuses about the Sugar Bowl. Andre was out, they were not excited.

But yet Nick Saban never gets out coached in a bowl game... right?

LMFAO.

Utah basically copied UF's second half package and added an I-back, and (gasp) a mobile QB. Forget being down after losing to UF... you had almost a month to prepare. And forget about not having Andre. The real problem? Once again, Saban was schooled.

Anybody who knows anything knows Saban could not defend the Utah offense in a million years. Bama also failed to run the ball against a team they outweighed by almost 30 pounds per person, a team that MANY teams ran well against in the WAC. They lost everyone worth a damn on that line for 2009, I may add.

But hey, Bama has such a great defense.


MEMEAUX: LSU toyed with Bama's defense, even with JL's meltdown, having over 400 yards of total offense. Bama was outscored 45-17 in those last six quarters. Both UF and Utah threw at will.


So what WAS your record against real competition? Call 3-2 with victories over a talented but unorganized LSU team, a young and still improving Ole Miss team, and a UGA team that honestly was outcoached.

Two losses against a great Florida team but a Utah team that might (MIGHT) have had the same amount of talent.

This is reality, not gump-homerism.
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Now, lets honestly look to 2009.

First, LSU now has a real DC, a now sophomore QB that played lights out in Atlanta, in the spring game and in practice. Everyone knows LSU has equal talent, perhaps more than Bama.

Second, Ole Miss brings back more starters than Bama, a better defense, and a better QB for a team that many thought was better than Bama at the end of the year. Which is also been covered in almost all of the pre season polls..

Third Frank Beamer, a much better coach has made a fool out of Saban already once and VT is a much, MUCH better coached defensive & special team unit than Bowden and Clemson ever was. They will blitz McElroy and that skitso o-line into mistakes, and hopefully, for bama, no one gets injured. ETA: Saban is two weeks from kickoff and still has no idea who will start and where they will start on the o-line.

Hilarious!!!!!

Arkansas (yes, Arkansas) could very well be the team that beats Saban, the annual loss Saban has no business losing. Afer all, Saban does it just about every year in his 17 plus years as a head coach. He's due for another idiotic loss.

And in the unlikely event Bama somehow makes it to the SECCG, there's possibly the best team in the history of the SEC waiting, along with a coach who better than Saban in preperation, adjustments, and (ahem)..FINISHING.

b]As most real LSU fans knew in 2004, and Miami fans everywhere now know, Saban has pulled the wool over your deluded, Bear Bryant wanting, past championship living Bama eyes. Sure he recuits and is a great defensive mind... but Nick Saban can, has been many times before, and will be outcoached by MANY coaches in the SEC.

I'm warning you now-- don't any of you gumps and gump-ettes go off the deep end when Bama goes 8-4 or worse.

[b]Crow is best served on a warm, purple and gold plate.

So there you have it. BT is back.
And you all have been warned.

Come November, Bama is TOAST!!!!!!!!