re: Overheard from Jeremy Pruitt, by Mike Bobo. We are going to be a hell of a def.

Did I ever tell you about the time Jeremy Pruitt forced me to wear a woman's bikini? Well anyway, Pruitt tears off my clothes and forces me to wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to conduct my business wearing only a woman's bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily, but Ill be damned if at the end of the quarter my sales hadn't tripled.

They also use Pruitts fire skin as a tarp in Yankees stadium for rain delays.

Pruitt also framed Roger Rabbit

One time I went to Jeremy Pruitt's house on Halloween, and i dressed up like a pussy because you're suppose to dress like something you're not, and i figured that Jeremy Pruitt would appreciate ironic humor. i walked up the winding pathway to his house, which was a giant floating volcano with American bald eagles flying around it, and with a long staircase leading to the top. I walked up the staircase for what seemed like days, and when i finally reached the top, I saw Pruitt sitting on his throne. I dared not look him in the eyes because this one guy looked him in his eyes and Jeremy Pruitt spontaneously combusted him. No one is allowed to speak with Jeremy; the only thing you are allowed to do in his presence is bow, kiss his ring, bow again, and leave. So I walked up to his throne and saw that he was wearing a ring made out of solid diamonds with a unicorn on it that had an erection.

I kissed his ring, and then I wanted to thank him, so i said "Sir, permission to thank you for the privilege of allowing me to kiss your ring." If Jeremy Pruitt doesn't immediately kill you, then that means he has granted your permission. I thanked him, bowed, and left. It was the happiest day of my life.

I once had a friend who claimed that he went over to Jeremy Pruitt's house and hung out with him. I didn't believe him, so i asked him for proof and he told me that Jeremy Pruitt owns the complete Back to the Future trilogy on laser disc. I was so jealous that i called him a liar, but deep down inside i knew he was telling the truth.

Did I ever tell you about the time Pruitt was in a production of The King and I? Well anyway, before the show, Pruitt chloroforms the entire cast, and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.

Pruitt will eat a homeless person if you dare him

Did I ever tell you about the time Pruitt took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally, Pruitt takes me into a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' Well, we sat there for a year and a half. Sure enough, someone constructed a bar around us. Well, the day they opened it, we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burnt the place to the ground. Pruitt yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found them!'

VS

I heard he seasons his steaks with pepper spray.

One time, Jeremy Pruitt read a news piece about some guy who was given the death penalty for treason. Treason is especially offensive to Jeremy because he embodies everything that is, was, or ever will be American. Jeremy Pruitt loves America so much that when he gets interrupted during sex, he gets red, white and blue balls. So when Pruitt read about this traitor,he killed himself, went to hell and he ripped the guy's face off and uses it as a loincloth to this day. Pruitt then resurrected himself, went to lunch, and paid for his food using exact change.

In the evening Jeremy Pruitt likes to sit in the dark and silently pray that his enemies get cancer.

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Jeremy Pruitt loves America so much that when he gets interrupted during sex, he gets red, white and blue balls.

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Just to be clear, this gives Pruitt three balls.


Not that I'm a doubter. Just sayin'.

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DawgCountry

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oh and olddawg...that was some good shite


I also heard that Pruitt was banned from China..because the one time he did go, all of the women instantly got pregnant, the minute his foot touched the soil, thus causing their population problem. They immediately went about building the Great Wall. It was never intended to keep the Mongols out, but Pruitt. Unfortunately he cannot be kept out by a wall... but he just hates all things Chinese, so he doesn't go back on his own accord. Nobody stops Pruitt from doing whatever the frick he wants.

When Neil Armstrong uttered "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" on the moon in 1969, he failed to notice Jeremy Pruitt sitting behind him in a lawn chair holding a beer - until Pruitt set him on fire using pure grain alcohol and bolts of lightning from his eyes. Yeah, frick oxygen.

Armstrong never returned.

Chowder Posse Micheal Sam style.