SEC teams as Arrested Development characters

All right, I love Arrested Development, so I decided to match up SEC teams with characters from the show.

(And yes, I know this is an offseason thread, but the idea just occurred to me, so screw it -- this is happening.)

Alabama: George Bluth, Sr. Patriarch of the family. Sure, sometimes he's in prison or on the run from the law, but every single thing that the other characters on the show have is because of his efforts, and they all crave his approval. Plus, he lives in the attic, not unlike how Alabama lives in all of your heads.

Auburn: Oscar Bluth. Only shows up whenever George Sr. is in prison or on the lam, and then likes to act like he owns the place. Otherwise, spends all of his time in his mobile home, getting high and thinking about the good ole days. An embarrassment to the other family members.

Georgia: G.O.B. The oldest son. Had a lot of potential, but squandered it so he could live off the accomplishments of others. Likes to imagine he is in charge, but is in reality a laughingstock. G.O.B. is a magician whose best known trick is a disappearing act. Georgia is a football team whose best known trick is a disappearing act. Perfect match.

Florida: Michael Bluth. Seemingly most capable child of George Sr. and Lucille. He seems a bit different from the other members of the family, not unlike how a large portion of Florida's fanbase is a bit different from the rest of the conference, because they're Yankees. Family turned to Michael in George Sr.'s absence to carry the torch for the family, which he did with only limited levels of success. Will never reach the heights George Sr. reached.

Ole Miss: Lucille Bluth. Was apparently a real hottie back in the 60's. Is now a hag who tries to live well above her means. Horribly racist.

LSU: Lindsey Funke. Spends all of her time begging for someone, anyone, to pay attention to her. Obviously has serious Daddy issues re: George Sr. There is really no more apt representation of the LSU fanbase than a skanky drugged out blonde in a leather miniskirt and a tanktop with the word "SLUT" on the front trying and failing to get laid. The pieces are all there, but the sum is far, far less than its parts.

Tennessee: George Michael Bluth. Much like George Michael, Tennessee is limpid, timid, and ineffective. Also like George Michael, Florida (Michael) is their daddy and Alabama (George Sr.) is their granddaddy. Also ALSO like George Michael, while they may claim to be in love with a hardcore Christian, in reality they want to frick their cousin.

Vanderbilt: Buster Bluth. Probably really smart, but completely and totally useless.

Texas A&M: Tobias Funke. Not related to the rest of the family by blood -- only there because Lindsey desperately wants someone to pay attention to her. I briefly considered Florida for this character because of the cutoff jean shorts, but ended up going with A&M because, you know, gay. Also their entire fanbase are probably never-nudes.

Mississippi State: An-yang. I know, this one doesn't really fit. Maybe if instead of being Korean, An-yang was actually retarded, it would seem more apt, but unfortunately this one is a bit of a reach as-is. Move along, nothing to see here.

Missouri: Maebe Funke. Visibly does not fit with the rest of the family. Almost certainly not a blood relation.

Arkansas: Lucille II. Not a blood relation to the family, but has known them for a long time. Only really apparent character traits are that she has a lot of money, and she has vertigo, so probably has trouble staying atop things like moving motorcycles. Also might have been hot back in the 60's, who knows or cares? Now, much like Lucille I, she is a hag.

South Carolina: Barry Zuckercorn. Again, not a blood relative. Completely, totally ineffective at life in general, yet somehow lucked into having a well-known family like the Bluths as clients. Also almost certainly gay. Come on, guys, Cocks? Really?

Kentucky: Herschel from the Walking Dead. I had to pick a character from a completely different show, because it is like they live not just on a different planet from the rest of us, but an entirely separate plane of existence. Basketball? The frick? People actually care about basketball?