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re: Best SEC Rivalry Jokes
Posted on 4/4/12 at 9:09 pm to DlineU
Posted on 4/4/12 at 9:09 pm to DlineU
An Aggie and his girlfriend were making out in the back seat of his ride.
His girlfriend utters "Kiss me where it's hot and sticky baby..."
"Are you serious?" he replies.
"Yes. HURRY darling!" she begs...
Aggie jumps in the front and floors it.
"Where the hell are you going?" she yells.
"Beaumont I guess."
0
Posted on 4/4/12 at 9:09 pm to roadGator
sisters = cousins
cousins = sisters
cousins = sisters
Posted on 4/4/12 at 9:09 pm to tickfawtiger
From a Tiger Rant thread this year I do blieve.
LINK
Q. What did the Arkansas graduate say to the LSU graduate?
A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"
Q: How many University of Arkansas freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: Do you know why the University of Arkansas football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
One foggy night, an LSU fan and an Arkansas fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Baton Rouge. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.
The Arkansas fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"
Likewise, the Tiger fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.
The Arkansas fan walks over to the Tiger fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."
The Tiger fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."
The Tiger fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Razorback fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Razorback fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Razorback fan hands it back to the Tiger fan and says, "Your turn!"
The Tiger fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Arkansas joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am an Arkansas grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's an Arkansas grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's an Arkansas grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."
One day in an elementary school in Fayetteville, AR, a teacher asks her class if the Arkansas Razorbacks are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.
The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"
Little Jimmy says, "The LSU Tigers "
The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Tiger fan, my mom is a Tiger fan, I guess that makes me a Tiger fan."
The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me an Arkansas fan."
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Arkansas campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Arkansas campus?
A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Razorbacks cheerleaders back on board.
Did you hear about the Razorback fan who was so upset that the Tigers beat Arkansas that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?
Q: What's the difference between an Arkansas fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q: How do you get an University of Arkansas grad off of your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Q: How many Arkansas fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but he gets 3 credits.
An Arkansas Razorbacks fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Arkansas library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Why do University of Arkansas fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you get when you cross an University of Arkansas fan and a pig?
A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.
Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?
A: On the University of Arkansas campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.
Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Fayetteville?
A: Baton Rouge: 187 Miles
Two University of Arkansas fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.
The first Arkansas fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."
The second Arkansas fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."
The first Arkansas fan asks, "Why not?"
The second Arkansas fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."
Q: What should you do if you find three University of Arkansas fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: How do you make University of Arkansas cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
It was reported that Arkansas head football coach Houston Nutt will only be dressing twenty players for the LSU game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.
Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Arkansas weddings?
A: To keep the flies off the bride.
Fayetteville News Report: Football practice in Fayetteville was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Houston Nutt, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Arkansas' football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Arkansas Razorbacks?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.
Q: Did you hear about the University of Arkansas fan who locked his keys in his car?
A: He couldn't get his family out.
Q: Why don't Arkansas Razorbacks fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.
LINK
Q. What did the Arkansas graduate say to the LSU graduate?
A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"
Q: How many University of Arkansas freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: Do you know why the University of Arkansas football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
One foggy night, an LSU fan and an Arkansas fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Baton Rouge. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.
The Arkansas fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"
Likewise, the Tiger fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.
The Arkansas fan walks over to the Tiger fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."
The Tiger fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."
The Tiger fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Razorback fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Razorback fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Razorback fan hands it back to the Tiger fan and says, "Your turn!"
The Tiger fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Arkansas joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am an Arkansas grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's an Arkansas grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's an Arkansas grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."
One day in an elementary school in Fayetteville, AR, a teacher asks her class if the Arkansas Razorbacks are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.
The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"
Little Jimmy says, "The LSU Tigers "
The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Tiger fan, my mom is a Tiger fan, I guess that makes me a Tiger fan."
The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me an Arkansas fan."
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Arkansas campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Arkansas campus?
A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Razorbacks cheerleaders back on board.
Did you hear about the Razorback fan who was so upset that the Tigers beat Arkansas that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?
Q: What's the difference between an Arkansas fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q: How do you get an University of Arkansas grad off of your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Q: How many Arkansas fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but he gets 3 credits.
An Arkansas Razorbacks fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Arkansas library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Why do University of Arkansas fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you get when you cross an University of Arkansas fan and a pig?
A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.
Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?
A: On the University of Arkansas campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.
Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Fayetteville?
A: Baton Rouge: 187 Miles
Two University of Arkansas fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.
The first Arkansas fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."
The second Arkansas fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."
The first Arkansas fan asks, "Why not?"
The second Arkansas fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."
Q: What should you do if you find three University of Arkansas fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: How do you make University of Arkansas cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
It was reported that Arkansas head football coach Houston Nutt will only be dressing twenty players for the LSU game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.
Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Arkansas weddings?
A: To keep the flies off the bride.
Fayetteville News Report: Football practice in Fayetteville was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Houston Nutt, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Arkansas' football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Arkansas Razorbacks?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.
Q: Did you hear about the University of Arkansas fan who locked his keys in his car?
A: He couldn't get his family out.
Q: Why don't Arkansas Razorbacks fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.
Posted on 4/4/12 at 9:10 pm to roadGator
quote:
From a Tiger Rant thread this year I do blieve.
:arksession:
Posted on 4/4/12 at 9:16 pm to roadGator
An Alabama player is sitting in a bar with an Auburn player and a Tennessee player. All three are wearing their team hat. The Alabama play says, "Hey, do you know what your hat stands for?"
"What?" the Auburn player replies taking off his hat and looking at it with a curious look.
The Bama play replies, "Alabama Usually Beats Us Round November." The UT player and Bama player laugh, while the Aub snubs them off. Notiicing laughter from the UT player, the Alabama players turn to him and says, "Why are you laughing, don't you know what UT stands for?"
"Haha, no, what?"
"Us too."
"What?" the Auburn player replies taking off his hat and looking at it with a curious look.
The Bama play replies, "Alabama Usually Beats Us Round November." The UT player and Bama player laugh, while the Aub snubs them off. Notiicing laughter from the UT player, the Alabama players turn to him and says, "Why are you laughing, don't you know what UT stands for?"
"Haha, no, what?"
"Us too."
Posted on 4/4/12 at 9:16 pm to DaleDenton
at the Louisiana, Mississippi, Arkansas and Alabama schools calling each other dumb 
Posted on 4/4/12 at 9:17 pm to DaleDenton
Angel was passing out school colors. Up were NDame, Auburn and Alabama. The angel explained NDame got Gold and green for the beautiful flowers and green fields, he then gave Auburn their colors for the beautiful southern sunsets. Bama got there colors and ran off happy, but without knowing why. The Irish and the Aubs asked why and the Angel said isn't it obvious, it is for REDnecks and WHITE trash.
Posted on 4/4/12 at 9:21 pm to Big Kat
What happens if you drive real slow through College Station, TX?
You leave with a degree.
:SWCmemories:
You leave with a degree.
:SWCmemories:
Posted on 4/4/12 at 9:21 pm to Big Kat
quote:
Big Kat
Friendly, sincere advice.
Academic smack won't work well here. You can employ the tactic if you must, but it's seen as the last ditch effort Tech saw it as for years. HTH.
Posted on 4/4/12 at 9:23 pm to DaleDenton
quote:
What happens if you drive real slow through College Station, TX?
What happened if you're from Texas and went to Arkansas?
You didn't get into Texas A&M :academicsmack:
This post was edited on 4/4/12 at 9:24 pm
Posted on 4/4/12 at 9:25 pm to Big Kat
quote:
at the Louisiana, Mississippi, Arkansas and Alabama schools calling each other dumb
And I don't ever want to have this argument again.
This post was edited on 4/4/12 at 9:27 pm
Posted on 4/4/12 at 9:27 pm to ShaneTheLegLechler
What happened if you're from Texas and went to Texas A&M?
You didn't get in to Texas
You didn't get in to Texas
Posted on 4/4/12 at 9:27 pm to RockyMtnTigerWDE
Texas Aggies are gay..oh wait, I was being serious. I'll try harder next time, I swear!
Posted on 4/4/12 at 9:27 pm to ShaneTheLegLechler
quote:
You didn't get into Texas A&M
45k enrollment shows it isn't that hard...
Posted on 4/4/12 at 9:28 pm to TheCheshireHog
quote:
TheCheshireHog
Hiding behind Texas' skirt
You're better than that
Posted on 4/4/12 at 9:28 pm to ShaneTheLegLechler
quote:
You didn't get into Texas A&M
More like we were looking for more than Red Wings and fishing hooks on hat bills.
Posted on 4/4/12 at 9:29 pm to ShaneTheLegLechler
I just don't know any good rivalry jokes. Posted on 4/4/12 at 9:29 pm to DaleDenton
quote:
45k enrollment shows it isn't that hard.
Apparently it's hard for some
Just ask the numerous Texas students at your school about it I guessPosted on 4/4/12 at 9:29 pm to ShaneTheLegLechler
If there is a Texas university wearing a skirt, it's aTm
Posted on 4/4/12 at 9:30 pm to Sao
quote:
Red Wings
Industry standard on drilling rigs.
quote:
fishing hooks on hat bills.
Badge of pride for the Larry the Cable Guy Army.
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