It’s a fact that Bama DC Pete Golding, aka Goldfanger, practices the art of Zen now on advice from the Wizard of Oz, who resides in Emerald City (Destin) on the Emerald Coast.

It’s also fact Sabah keeps a yacht in Emerald City and had Goldfanger down for a weekend in April to wash and clean his yacht since he wasn’t worth a phuck as a DC & Sabah was getting too old to fire him & rebuild a program. Sabah brought down that Drunk he hired from USC as an OC too.

Sabah told them both things were gonna get a lot worse before they get better, so scared as hell, Goldfanger made a sneak away visit to the Wizard in Emerald City for “Courage” to face fan base abuse in 2020.

Goldfanger asked Cutty Sark to come too but Cutty told him “All the courage I need is in this here bottle” but you can ask him for me to task his football brain and send me a few new trick plays to fool LSU & AU.

The Wizard asked why Goldfanger needed Courage and Goldfanger took him to the Alabama Forums on Oz’s Great Computer

Shocked, Oz read Dumpster Gump comments like:

•This team is trash...Can we just fire the whole Def coaching staff special teams and Sark and start over because this is fricking embarrassing
•This is the most pathetic coaching we have had
•See y'all next year. Hopefully Golding is gone. At least Tua will be.
•This is the most pathetic coaching we have had
•Yep. I think this offseason is Saban's last shot to get the coordinators right. If he makes lazy hires like Sark again, or God forbid keeps these fricking losers, then he won't even compete for a championship again must less win one.
•The defense has it's issues but with that said Sark has done a terrible job of play calling. Terrible.
•Maybe Nick needs to spend less time making Aflac commercials and more time coaching, recruiting, and hiring competent staff.
•Steve Sarkisian is a living, breathing, walking, talking cancer.
•Golding needs his dik and balls cut off, and he needs to be disemboweled and have his eyeballs ripped out before we skull phukk him

The Wizard was shocked and watched tears flow freely from the cowardly Goldfanger whose lips trembled and his eyes cast down.

The Wizard then showed Goldfanger the Art of Zen and gave him a Secret Zen Book of 200 exercises to gain “Courage” to face certain fan abuse in 2020. He also gave Goldfanger a short list of secret plays to fool LSU and Auburn for Cutty Sark.

Lastly, Oz hooked him up with some mean @$$ Insurance Agents on Emerald Coast.

THE POLICY:
A) 10 Million USD for the following:
•Total disembowelment leading to Death
•Suspicion of homicide involving salads
•Removal of both eyes with clear evidence of semen accumulation during skullphukking activities leading to and including Death
•Any loss of life near Sabah’s Yacht
B) 5 Million USD for the following:
•Partial disembowelment leading to Death
•Suspicion of homicide involving stairs
•Removal of one eye with clear evidence of semen accumulation during skullphukking activities leading to and including Death
•loss of Life due to Emerald Coast drowning

The policy was good for two years as Oz assured Goldfanger that Sabah was not long for this World and that he might rise to the new position of HEAD COACH after Sabah croaked IF IF IF HE MASTERED ZENNNN

Goldfanger changed his name to Gelong Thubten and awaits 2020 with renewed passion!

Goldfanger Zen Master Speaks to his Gump Nation