re: HRV, tell me a story (paperwasp, we also need you to tell us what happened)

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Is this mandatory reading - cause if not, I aint reading all that shite

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Am I doing like a puzzle or something?

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me crazy

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Lexag

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I’m not much of a storyteller, but I believe a general outline could be pieced together as follows (someone else can fill in the details):

• Alabama football loses to Vanderbilt and Tennessee; paperwasp changes his avi to a (self-created) image of Spongebob on his deathbed, wearing Alabama gear

• Oblivious to the real-life seriousness of paperwasp’s plight, Looney posts photos of his engorged colon and rectum. (If you look closely, you can literally see gluten not being absorbed.)

• In a fit of rage and jealousy over prior broken relationships involving Linda Smith that I will not delve into here, Harry attempts to exact revenge on Big Dan and yours truly through threat of blackmail

• On Friday afternoon, paperwasp posts a “see you guys later” comment in regards to an upcoming football game between Alabama and LSU — Harry mistakes this and the aforementioned avi as apparently indicating that ya’ boy wasp has now entered hospice, is barely clinging to life, and has mere hours left before shuffling off this mortal coil. HRV springs into action and rallies full support from the board by asking, ‘what?’ twice.

• Having gotten word from Harry’s post, an outpouring of support begins as Wolfie, TT9, and theCAW escape from work-release. The comments come flooding in.

• Pio contemplates a late-night snack

• Many ugly things are said on X, formerly known as twitter, including a very rude comment by Looney involving, I quote, “these douches from pussy arse T Town.” paperwasp replies with “suck that bama dick bitch.” (Editor’s note: I purposefully stayed away from arse-fricking jokes because of the sensitive nature of his colon at this time.)

• Presumably due to the explosive and viral nature of this tweet (bang), and realizing that I’m actually still alive, FootballFrenzy asks me to explain “what had happened was.” I add a tantalizing (actual) photo of the inside of Looney’s butthole and it gets one single downvote.

• Distracted by the sheer mundaneness of it all, Lexag goes on a mid-thread tangent about dogs — again

• Everyone on this board has somehow forgotten that over the summer, Harry was kidnapped by a Mexican drug cartel and was tortured in Belize, where a crocodile ate his legs off. Prior to this, he and I took a similar trip there involving midget prostitutes. But those are much less interesting stories. The point is, 1BIGTigerFan secretly works for Big Citrus and theCAW if you’re still reading this, I’ll transfer the files soon and let you cook bruh.

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HRV, tell me a story (paperwasp, we also need you to tell us what happened)

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