re: OTB Personal Problems thread

Only real problem I have now a days is all this money and no one to spend it on.

This is a true story. I once had solid perfect shits for a straight week. Once a day, same time, every single one was virtually the same sized solid piece. Full and solid but not strenuous. Over quickly, clean wipe, most of all satisfyingly emptying. For a solid week. The best gastrointestinal week of my adult life. And I was eating whatever i wanted, indulging myself even. It was a poop miracle. But as it turns out it's a curse that you can never live up to again. It will haunt me forever. I want to recapture those days. I pine for it almost every day on the throne. Also it was my honeymoon.

Wait, that is rare for you people?

Damn that must suck.

I prefer the ones where I could shite thru a screen door and not touch a wire, especially when it's in a crowded public restroom and accompanied by copious amounts of loud noxious gas emissions

How did you stay so regular? Was wifey sticking ice cubes up your butt?

Please we all know that's a lie with all the cock you've taken.

I appreciate your use of the umlaut

quote:

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My grandmother died this morning. I'm headed to Florida tomorrow to be with my family.

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Sorry to hear that, bro. Condolences to you and your family.

I'll drink a mangorita for you.