Ok. Dr.leppard will see you now. sorry for the wait. I just left a couples seminar at the Ramada inn. healing aint for everybody, let me tell you

First, the reason your getting alot of well intended platitudes is because nobody here can begin to understand your 10 yr marital problems after hearing you whine for a few paragraphs. Theres millions of shite shes holding onto, like all women, that you dont even know to mention

Obviously you keep referring to an abusive background with her. Welcome to 30 yrs ago. I havent dated a girl that wasnt abused since grade school. Apparently parents in the 70s and 80s were wild as frick. regardless, if she wont get counseling you are spinning your wheels. You will be trying to keep someone happy that has holes you cannot fill. Theres no band aids for that type of brokenness

So, what to do about YOU basically. In a sentence, get your shite together. Start making changes in your life that demonstrate that you have the ability to do just that, CHANGE. start taking better care of yourself. If youre a slob, and im betting you are, start making some positive strides. Work out, run, eat better, dress better, take your kids places, start playing guitar again, etc. shite that makes you more attractive, gives you confidence, takes your mind off of things. Changing a bunch of shite that caters to her and your crappy marriage is transparent. And it sets an unrealistic tone with her. I'm sure there's a fricking TON of shite she needs to fix and do differently too. Kissing her arse so she won't leave will do more harm than long term good

And worse case scenario, she leaves you. Deal with that then. But be well centered and have a life not dependent on her when that happens. Which you should have anyway. If she decides its over, 100% of your energy is gonna go to juggling your children , protecting your arse, going to work, and adjusting to all the change. If your head is all fricked up and youre not taking care of yourself shite will hit the fan. Hard

And besides. If she's not willing to see a shrink or marriage counselor, she's not putting the same value on your relationship as you are. Which is nowhere to start. This is a two man deal. Not 40/60. Not 49/51. 50 frickin 50