re: I need help, guys

Thanks, guys, for all of the sound advice. I am just hurting so bad I can't see straight.

As far as my kids go, they are 5 and 3. The absolute joy of my life. I would never talk bad in front of them. Never.

My wife is active duty and sacrificed a lot in her career for our marriage. For instance, she wanted us to go over seas, but I was against it. Now, she is two years out of retirement and that option has passed. I get the feeling that her sacrifices on my part has led to her hitting the wall as far as her career goes. And I know that she is under incredible pressure at work and I think that has, in part, led to some feelings that I am not helping. She has said more than once that felt defeated at work. Maybe that's part of the broken. So, for the last almost two years, she has orders to another duty station within two hours drive. That's what I spoke of in a much earlier thread - the kids and I would stay here while she came back on the weekend.

As a child, she went through some horrible, horrible things. She has a very good soul and is an absolute joy. But I took her and everything for granted. I was an arse about some things and a selfish bastard. I guess I just got so comfortable and always thought she would be there. And that's on me. Now I see everything and how I was. I wasn't always that bad, but for those 10 years I slipped. Now I never hit or cheated or anything like that - I guess I more or less neglected - not sure if that is the right word. And that's on me.

I am all for counseling and I suggested such. I just know that this sucks really bad. I can't bear the thought of my kids being caught up. I just don't know what I would do.

Thanks for listening, everyone.