Wake up, Mizzou! How did your morning go?

Woke up an hour too early to screaming baby blaring thru the baby monitor. Took a 30 minute nap on the living room sofa with baby on my chest. It was peaceful considering the alarming way I was awakened.

Baby and I woke up to the sound of my wife blending our morning green drinks. Baby starts crying again. She wasn't feeling 100 percent.

Put baby in baby chair at kitchen table to make her breakfast. Sort of stumbled thru the routine like a zombie because I wasn't fully awake.

Other child wakes up and comes running into kitchen to give me a hug, except she runs head first into my balls and then innocently says, "Sorry daddy," as I crinkle my face is slight pain.

The kids calm down as they eat their breakfast.

I take the opportunity to go to the bathroom while everything is calm. I sit down, the poop slides out, I feel relieved. I start to wipe and suddenly my middle finger breaks thru the toilet paper and slides into my greasy butt hole. I pull my finger out of my butt hole, look at it in disgust, and then laugh at the way this morning has progressed so far while shaking my head in disbelief.

Just before I leave for work I ask my older child to smell my finger and for some reason that made me laugh out loud and sort of got me back on track.