re: What are your plans for National Melt Day? Wednesday February 4, 2015

Wake up at 6 am and text Allie Davidson some dick pics

Drink coffee and get on the old Tweeter while I touch myself to @footballAU tweets

Eat breakfast around 8, start taking Rumple shots when Cowart announces to Bama and Davis pulls out a basket of buckeyes

9 am: tweet at Godwin about 12 times about his dad

9:02: hack the AU website and release the Jeffrey Holland pre-made profile, watch Holland announce to Boise State

9:06: Terry Beckner puts on an Auburn hat and then laughs, takes it off, burns it, yells roll tide, rapes my mother

9:07: Ryan Davis commits to Auburn, then his step uncle kidnaps him and drives him to PCB, touches him in weird places, gets him to drop football

10 am: sobbing...Martez Ivey announces for Auburn-Montgomery

1 pm: CeCe announces Ole Miss live from a CiCi's

3 pm: seven 2 stars fax in their paperwork

5 pm: Terry Godwin commits wearing a full bulldog suit to UGA

8 pm: Prince Tega gets deported back to Africa

9 pm: alcohol poisoning