derekdoghouse

So me and my ex were together for 3 years and we were crazy in love but over the last year things started to really go south. I have manic depression and bi polar disorder and I wasn't taking my meds, I wasn't getting out of bed, I had become a slave to my disease to a point im still very ashamed of . About 2 or 3 months ago she had reached a point where she wasn't interested in me at all. She would either be out with her friends all the time or in the seldom times she was home she would be on her phone all the time. She barley even looked at me. I didn't understand why this was happening at the time. I thought she was mad at me for either being horribly mean to her or breaking up with her every other week, and while these things definitely played a part in it I have recently realized she had lost her respect & attraction for me. and who can blame her? I was a shell of my former self, wallowing in my sorrow and filth, I didn't possess a single quality a "real man" should have. No matter how much someone loves you if your like that long enough she will lose attraction for you.

Anyways I didn't kno how to cope with her being so distant, again at the time I thought she was just mad at me, I kept trying to tell her I was sorry, trying to be affectionate and show her i loved her and I didn't kno why she wasn't responding. Eventually I gave up. i knew i was losing her and out of frustration i broke up with her and went into my "shell" i.e. going into my bedroom, closing the blinds and tried to ignore every thing, basicly i shut down.

Over the next 3 weeks we barley talked and when we did i was really mean. One time i was planning on making some im still in love with you speech when she got home from work but she never showed and wouldn't tell me where she was. I feared she was with another guy and my crazy side took over and i ended up pushing her away even further. She moved out.

About a week ago she said she wanted to see me before i moved away. She asked me not to try to get back with her but when she came over i couldn't help myself which forced her to confess something, she fricked another guy. I lost it. I couldn't stop crying. I went just went insane. I kept questioning her for details over the next couple days hoping one of them would make it seem better. worst mistake of my life. I now know every detail. I kno he is a pot dealing college kid, i kno hes "weird" and "cool" to which i am boring, i know he said sum deep shite that turned her on, i know she said something to her friend that he told to him to which he came over and touched her and it was on, i know she rode his dick while she was on tramadol (she goes hard when shes on tramadol) i kno he lasted longer, i kno he didn't even speak 10 words to her but she said the way he looked in her eyes made her feel special, more special than i have made her feel in a LONG time. I cant get these images out of my head. They are driving me insane. again BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE.

The days following were pretty weird. She said she still loved me but she just wanted to be friends. We hung out some we kissed at first and even had sex. (i think these were out of pity) but that soon faded as she still wasn't ready to commit to me. the whole time i was committing what i found to be the deadly sins of making up. not only was i constantly questioning what happened with this guy but i was begging her to be with me or at least wait for me until i got my shite together, i told her i would never be over her and she could have me back whenever she wanted, i completely showed all of my pain and weakness. I fear that this destroyed any respect & attraction she had left for me. Last time we spoke i told her i needed time to get over her cause i couldn't be her friend while i was still in love with her.

Right now my plan is to get a new job, make new friends, go out and have fun and meet new women and build my confidance and make all of this known on facebook so she will see that im doing fine without her and im fun again and that other women want me and mabie she will want me back? should i still talk to her or wait until she misses me? i know she still loves me but im not sure how much. Idk what to do im still in love with this girl. Is it too late?

Danica and Condi are good ones, I would throw Angelina Jo Lee in there too she seems to genuinely care about people and has strong political views. My point wasn't that there is a complete absence of female role models but rather that the ones that are being shoved down our youths throats (Reality stars,Pop Stars,Rappers ect.) are pathetic excuses for human beings that only care about money and sex.

This is where it becomes a parenting issue.

I know too many parents that aren't active enough in their childs/childrens lives essentially allowing the television to teach them their life values, then have the balls to be mad at them when they are 16 and pregnant or would rather be a sugar baby than attend college. If we can reach the parents we brighten the dark future of this nation.

Illinois. Where im originaly from. East St.Louis,Decatur,Danville, and South Chicago are slums filled with hatefull people and the rest is just cornfields with little meth/heroin communities in between. Champaign is pretty nice tho.

And regardless of if its an agenda or not the money for intelligence trade is just wrong. Idk mabie im just young and naïve and haven't lost my faith in humanity yet but I think if we spread this topic enough and unite we can overcome, were due for a new revolution anyways.

OP? im new here.

30 PEOPLE? Dang mang. Who and Why? What did they do to you?

it could exist right now. think about it if the government had that technology do you think they would tell us about it? just the info that time travel exists is Extremely Dangerous! What if Isis got there hands on it or Kanye? 1st Churches of Beyoncé Everywhere!!! :0