Norm MacDonald Tribute

I wrote a joke tonight inspired by Norm, the 2nd Greatest of All Time. I want to share it with you all. Read it in Norm's voice, and pretend he's telling the joke to Axl Rose, if Axl Rose had a talk show.

Anybody have a dog? Yeah I'm a dog guy. I got a dog. My neighbor has a German Shepard. I have always been fascinated with shepard dogs, that they've been bred and trained over hundreds of generations to actually shepard and tend to a flock of sheep or whatever animals you intend to herd, and protect them from predators. It's like the first wave of automation that ever occurred in recorded history. It used to take 20 men to do this job, but now, with just 2 or 3 dogs, we can do the same job, see?

But the thing about the shepard dogs is that they really only use a
few breeds now, there's a lot of Australian shepards, great sheparding dogs. Then you have the old school shepard dogs, like the German Shepard. They don't really have any jobs on the farm anymore. The only animal they've sheparded in the last 100 years has been humans.

It's not the dog's fault. The dog just wants to do a good job. The only reason domesticated dogs even exist is because humans are so lazy. Hey dog, help that blind person cross the street. Because no other human will. Hey dog, defend your home and family, because no human will. Hey dog, give unconditional love and adoration, because no human will. He's such a good boy, oh what a good boy, yes he is!

So they are funnelling the Jews into the gas chamber, and they go in, on account of the German Shepards and whatnot, and they close the doors, and they turn on the poison gas and in minutes everyone inside is dead. A few guys with gasmasks go and open the doors to let the place air out for a few minutes.

Men approach after a bell rings, signalling it's all clear. They have to drag every dead body out for disposal, usually to a nearby mass grave. It was a great deal of human labor just to get the other dead humans out of the barn, so to speak. But the German Shepards didn't help with that part.

They weren't retrievers.