From Rocky Top to Butt Chug U: An Analysis of Tennessee's tDecline

Nestled in the Appalachian Mountains, Knoxville, Tennessee is home to a once proud, but now decrepit, collegiate football program.

Teams used to fear the boys in Orange and White with the famous "Power T" on their helmet. Stars like Reggie White, Peyton Manning, Johnny Majors, and Condredge Holloway graced the hallowed grounds of the Southeastern Conference throughout Tennessee's reign as the conference's second most powerful program.

Now, however, eyebrowless quarterbacks and creamy, mocha-skinned runningbacks sign with the VOLS to receive their annual shellacking in the Third Saturday in October, Third Saturday in September, and 34-3.

It is truly disappointing what happened on Rocky Top. General Neyland would be ashamed.

2005
The VOLS entered this season as the SEC favorite and ranked #3. However, this season, the VOLS would stumble to a 5-6 (3-5) record and lose for the first time to Florida in what will become a current ten-game win streak for the Gators. Additionally, Tennessee couldn't beat Alabama when Brodie Croyle was the signal caller in Tuscaloosa.

2007
This was the last serviceable team the VOLS have fielded, and even this team couldn't scrape by a 9-4 Florida squad and a 7-6 Alabama unit. The Gators stomped the VOLS 59-20 and the Tide walloped Tennessee, without six suspended starters, 41-17.

2008
Yet another 5-win season for Tennessee, and two more losses to Alabama and Florida.

2009
LANE KIFFIN REVITALIZATION!!!! SINGING ROCKY TOP ALL NIGHT AFTER THEY BEAT FLORIDA!!!! BRYCE BROWN!!!! TERRENCE CODY COMMITTED A PENALTY WHEN HE TOOK HIS HELMET OFF!!!! UT WILD BOYZ!!! UT WILD BOYZ!!! A PHOTO SPREAD IN LOWRIDER MAGAZINE!!! UT WILD BOYZ!!!

All this excitement was centered around a 7-6 team. This was, and is, the state of Tennessee football. Excitement over recruiting and shitty performance on the field.



Somewhere, on a sunlit field in North Mississippi, Dexter McCluster is still running wild on the UT WILD BOYZ!!! UT WILD BOYZ!!!

This is the pinnacle of Tennessee's tDecline. Remember this point in time, VOLS. This is where you are now and you are soon to repeat history once again.

2010
Tennessee lost to every team they played that finished with a winning record.

Tennessee actually beat LSU in Death Valley, but they had 13 men on the field on the final play. Tennessee lost to the clusterfrick of QBs that was the 2010 LSU Tigers . The clock expired again.



Derek Dooley's abysmal orange pants and Our Bray (who is an Awesome Bray) lucked out, per the usual, and played four shitty teams, none of which had winning records, to become bowl eligible.

2011
Ho hum. Another five win season in Knoxville and two more losses to Florida and Alabama.

This season especially hurt the VOL nation because Vanderbilt made a bowl game and Kentucky beat Tennessee in the Battle for the Barrel.

2012
Ho hum. Another five win season in Knoxville and two more losses to Florida and Alabama.

VOLS fans take to unorthodox methods to drown their sorrows and begin to give themselves enemas with boxed white wine

Meanwhile, Vanderbilt wins nine games and spanks Tennessee 41-18 in their "rivalry" game. Vanderbilt has become tFlagship university in the Volunteer State.

2013
Ho hum. Another five win season in Knoxville and two more losses to Florida (who finished the season at 4-8) and Alabama.

In an even more embarrassing turn of events, VOLS coach Sgt. Carter creates a useless slogan to rally his butthurt and buttdrunk fanbase around: "Brick by Brick."

Tennessee completes renovations to Neyland Stadium and finally transforms it out of its state as a K'NEX erector set.

Oh, and if you're wondering, Vanderbilt won nine games this season and beat Tennessee once again. Vanderbilt is tFlagship university of the Volunteer State.

2014
Tennessee beat one SEC team with a winning record in 2014, and that team majorly underachieved (South Carolina Gamecocks).

Tennessee, once again, failed to beat their two biggest rivals: Alabama and Florida.

The creamy smooth VOLS run game failed to gain a single rushing yard against the Landshark Defense in a 34-3 walloping by the boys in Red and Blue.



Tennessee has resorted to using fake magazine covers with celebrities in recruiting wildly overrated defensive tackles to Rocky Top.

In Sum
VOLS fans will predictably respond to this post with "44-20-1," "V, B," and "Drew Richmond."

Outside of signing an overrated left tackle from a shite school in a shite town in a shite state, the only thing the VOL nation can hang their collective hats on is a bunch of wins that happened long before they were born. Enjoy the cellar, VOLS. It's where you live now.

This is the face of Tennessee football, folks. General Neyland is rolling in his grave.