Ranch Dressing

Joey Diaz summed it up well with Joe Rogan



If you like Ranch I assume that you are one of the following:

- Poor
- Overweight
- Uneducated

...and possibly all three.

I've noticed obese people use ranch almost compulsively, it has to be on everything everywhere and most people who prefer ranch are at least slightly overweight. You will never meet a wealthy, in-shape, and intelligent person who eats Ranch. I once went out to dinner with a coworker and his wife who was quite large and this lady brought out a bottle of Ranch from her purse.

Ranch is the dressing equivalent of American cheese. Just fat, food coloring, and flavor. I would extend my opinons on Ranch to American Cheese eaters as well. I haven't used either in probably a decade and everytime I encounter it prepared by someone else I gag. The worst is when you have to be polite and eat something someone else made and you can smell the Ranch or American Cheese before you have to eat it. Just typing this makes me convulse.

Ranch Dressing is emblematic of everything that's gone wrong with America and fat people put it on EVERYTHING. Salads, chips, pizza, pancakes, fricking burgers and hotdogs. What the frick is wrong with Ranchers? It tastes like shite, it is shite. The worst part is that Ranch dressing represents us internationally where it is simply called "American" dressing. This is literally why they hate us and I identify as a Canadian when abroad.

If I meet a person and see them willingly choose Ranch dressing for ANYTHING my opinion of them immediately plummets.

If you like Ranch please don't tell me lest I think less of you.

I also hate how restaurants will assume it as the default, like I just fricking want Ranch with wings. No, frick your ranch. Or when I order a salad and I SPECIFICALLY SAY Italian or Caesar but they screw up and they bring it out covered in that smelly gross fat coating like some obese cow in the kitchen just lactated it out all over the greens.

It is so ubiquitous that there are a million different types, just look at this:



Do not reply if you like Ranch. I will RA you for inappropriate material.