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edit: Talk to a lawyer before you ever mention the idea to your wife, lawyer can help guide you to the best path. Most people frick up by rushing to get shite filed, once its filed, hands become tied. All I can say is start the preparations with the guidance of a good family atty.

A good family law attorney will give you advice on every scenario, and advise you on the best way to proceed. Do not rush into anything until you have a consultation & get answers to your questions. Write all of your concerns down before you meet with him. Don't file until you're ready. The consultation is truly the first step & best way to proceed with this. Even if you end up not filing, you'll know your rights & what to expect if you ever do.

wmr - Love ya, but I disagree with pretty much everything you said here. I don't want to get into details of all of my bullshite, but absolutely none of this is anywhere close to my experience with marriage & divorce.

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Its not just Arkansas, its everywhere. Family law makes divorce into "cash and prizes" for the woman.

Absolutely not true, and I'm even in a community property state. 99% of the time, the woman's income is cut tremendously, even in cases where there is child support and permanent spousal support, which is extremely difficult to get because the burden of proof is so high on the one seeking it. Since most of the time the wife's & children's lifestyles are going to change, she had better make damn sure she truly wants the divorce, that there are very legitimate reasons for it.

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I'm thoroughly convinced that the average woman doesn't love men in the way most men think. I don't know that they know how.

Based on my experience:

1. Women love children (most of the time).

2. Women love "to be loved".

Marriage and monogamy for women is about extracting resources. I don't blame them, necessarily, I think it is biology. Women are geared to seek the alpha, and that is about their need to be provided for.

Men, likewise, have an animal instinct, and that is to avoid monogamy and bang everything that walks.

The problem is that no-fault divorce, birth control, and lack of stigma of being divorced provide very little incentive for women to make good wives. The stigma remains for men who don't "do their duty", i.e. get married in the first place, "grow up", provide, etc.

Women often get divorced out of "boredom" in a marriage.

I'm veering misogynistic a bit here, but I don't mean to. I just believe that there are biological forces at work, and marriage used to stifle the base instincts of both genders. No fault divorce and to a lesser extent, the provision of govt assistance, and the family law system that screws men over most of the time, makes it possible for women to extract resources they need for survival without providing anything to men in return. Its a helluva set up.

In my case, there was no question, for my own well being & sanity, that divorce was the absolute right thing for me, regardless of any lifestyle change. It damn sure was not because of boredom. Believe me, I would have been ecstatic to have been "bored" in my situation.

Hawgeye, again, very sorry to hear, but you'll feel better, and have much peace of mind after you consult with an attorney to answer your concerns.

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Posted by wmr

North of Dickson, South of Herman's

Member since Mar 2009

32518 posts

Posted on 3/6/14 at 10:13 pm to Arkla Missy

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wmr - Love ya

I don't believe you.

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Absolutely not true, and I'm even in a community property state. 99% of the time, the woman's income is cut tremendously, even in cases where there is child support and permanent spousal support, which is extremely difficult to get because the burden of proof is so high on the one seeking it.

I am speaking from the perspective of a decent earner and one who has saved and planned. For a man like myself (and most of those I associate with IRL), "cash and prizes" to the woman is a pretty accurate description of how it looks from this side.

You sound like a decent person, so I don't discount what you went through and that you had good reasons for needing out. And many do. There should be more subtlety in family if nothing else, because I view there to exist a default position among the majority of judgments wherein otherwise comfortable women can abuse their status as female vindictively to "ruin" the man or at least remain a thorn in his arse for a decade or more afterward.

This is typical in instances where a man earns enough to support a stay at home (ostensibly) mother who otherwise would be gainfully employed.

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