Monday Morning Coffee - The Weekend In Review.exe

MONDAY_MORNING_MASSACRE_FINAL.exe [11/03/2025]
STATUS: MAXIMUM_CARNAGE_PROTOCOL

=== GAME RESULTS [FATALITY_EDITION] ===

GEORGIA 24, FLORIDA 20
? "What's a catch?" [Georgia refs: "Whatever helps us"]
? Long pass incomplete.maybe.possibly.exe
? Georgia.close_games = ONLY_MODE
? if (spread > 7) { Georgia.panic(); }
? CATCH_RULE: STILL_CONFUSED

TEXAS 34, VANDERBILT 31
? ARCH_STATUS: BACK!!!!! [For 3 quarters]
? Pavia: Elite when game doesn't matter
? Vandy.onside_kick = "Too smart, fight eachother for ball"
? ERROR: NERD_OVERTHINKING_DETECTED
? if (IQ > 130) { football.execution = FAILED; }

MISSISSIPPI STATE 38, ARKANSAS 35
? Toilet_Bowl_2025.exe
? Petrino "savior" = Pittman with motorcycle
? Arkansas.defense = NULL_POINTER_EXCEPTION
? COMBINED_WINS: STILL_LESS_THAN_VANDY

KENTUCKY 10, AUBURN 3
? BASKETBALL_SCHOOLS_UNITE.jpg
? Arnold/Daniels: SPIDERMANMEME.EXECUTE
? Combined offensive yards: 147
? ESPN: "Technical difficulties, show pickelball instead"
? STATUS: WHAT_IS_FOOTBALL?

OLE MISS 30, SOUTH CAROLINA 14
? Beamer = What idiots think Kiffin is
? Actual nepo baby throwing tantrums
? Sellers.accuracy = "Used it all vs Bama"
? RIP Mike Shula [Poured out a Natty Light]
? KIFFIN > YOUR_DADDY'S_BOY

OKLAHOMA 33, TENNESSEE 27
? BLACKOUT_FUNERAL.exe
? 102,455 witnesses wore black to own death
? Fat_Heupel_in_black = Goth_Grimace_Final_Form
? Tennessee.giveaway_mode = ACTIVATED
? if (winning) { find.creative_way_to_lose(); }
? PLAYOFF_HOPES: DELETED_IN_BLACK

=== FREEZE EXECUTION_CEREMONY ===
HUGH_FREEZE_LEGACY.dll
? Currently: Golfing under wife's name
? Auburn big hire incoming: DURKIN/WITT/JIMBO [LMAOOOOO]
? Program status: DEAD_DEAD
? Stidham8: "Freeze will kill Bama!"
? Reality: Killed by Kentucky

if (Stidham8.said("Everyone scared")) { actual_record = "9-19"; scared_of = "His terrible coaching"; return "STIDHAM8_STILL_HIDING.exe"; }

AUBURN_COACHING_SEARCH:
? Durkin: Scandal speedrun any%
? Witt: AUBURNMAN
? Jimbo: O PLZ
? Actual hire: Some G5 coordinator