brodeo

As do I. I haven't left early in nearly 10 years, and that was because I was sick for the entire first half in the bathroom AND it was a blowout AND it was 1 million degrees outside AND it was a f$&king 11:00am game

Don't know much about that Yiddish, you schmuck

It's an issue everywhere, but nowhere I have encountered is it as pronounced as at LSU.

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1.When you’re getting head and you reach down to touch your balls, what are you trying to convey? Do you want us to touch them? Is it something you enjoy doing on your own? Use your words, please. Even a grunt would be appreciated.

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I honestly have no idea. Mine are kinda ticklish, so just keep sucking away.

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2.Again, when it comes to head (balls excluded) do you prefer the hands-on-the-shaft approach or do you want the whole “look ma, no hands,” thing?

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If grabbing the shaft helps you to go deeper and suck harder, gp for it. If not, they're unnecessary. Hands are for your help, not mine.

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3.We’re not in any way obligated to go near you arse, right? Is that something the majority of you don’t think about? Or are we completely just conditioned into thinking so?

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arse is invitation only.

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4.To those of you who don’t manscape, why is that? Is it a matter of laziness or just personal preference? Do you not know how?

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It's a combination of laziness and preference, mostly the preference for not having razor burn. Also, it's itchy and uncomfortable when it grows back.

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5.Keeping up with the pubic hair (far more interesting than The Kardashians), do you give a shite if we have hair down there? Like would it actually deter you from having sex?

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Less hair is preferred, but hair is not a deal breaker. However, a lot of hair does discourage me from giving oral.

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6.Lingerie: worth the money or just an unnecessary frilly hurdle? For us to wear, not you, unless you’re into that sort of thing.

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Well, it's sure as hell better than granny panties.

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7.You guys close your eyes from time to time. Whatcha thinkin’ about? I’m sure it varies, but there has to be some sort of general constant. Is it other women? Is it your car payment?

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Absolutely nothing. The sex is so good that we are purely enjoying the moment and not thinking about anything else.

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8.What do blue balls feel like?

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Have you ever seen a waterheater explode? Imagine the intense pressure which develops right beforehand. That's what it feels like. Intensely painful pressure.

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9.Why do some of you have the compulsion to ejaculate on a woman’s face? Would you like ejaculate on your face? I don’t think so.

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I don't. Some guys do because they see it in pornos a lot.

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10.Have you ever tasted your own ejaculate? (Why am I allowed to write for the internet?)

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No, nor do I plan on doing so.

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11.Period sex: yay or nay?

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Nay unless the period is really light and the woman is super hot and into it. Periods are for blow jobs.

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12.What are the ultimate boner killers? Like if you’re mom calls during sex, do you think you could keep going?

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Bad hygiene, someone trying to put stuff in my butt (seriously, stay out of there), anything involving being pooped or peed on, parent calling. After a parent calls, I would likely need at least 10 minutes to get my mind back on track before I can get back to it.

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13.Whiskey dick: has it ever happened to you? If so, why would you continue to drink to the point it happens again?

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I've only had it happen full-on once. See, whiskey dick comes in 3 levels: Level 1 makes you last longer before cumming, level 2 prevents you from cumming, and level 3 prevents an erection. As you could infer, a lower level of whiskey dick may be actually desirable and advantageous.

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14.Are you ever “not in the mood”? If so, what could be the cause of that?

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Typically only when I need to get some goddamn sleep, and have needed such for several days.

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15.What’s it like to have to pee with a boner?

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It's like trying to aim a fire hose to fill a solo cup that's 10 feet away without getting water anywhere else. It's geometry hell, and also painful.

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16.Titty-fricking: what’s the appeal?

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I think this is another thing guys picked up on from watching porn. I don't know why I like it, it's just satisfying for no other reason than it involves boobs large enough to be used in that fashion.

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17.Do you feel emasculated when you watch porn?

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I'm not looking at the dude.

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18.Does spitting or swallowing actually matter to you or do you not really give a shite what happens the moment it comes out?

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Swallowing is the preference purely for sentimental reasons. I think it may be a more submissive activity, and a man receiving oral/ a woman giving oral is just about the most dominant/submissive sexual activity possible.

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19.Do you think you’d perform differently if you were trying to conceive a child? Like would the knowledge that you’re potentially procreating cause you to switch up your style?

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Not really. There's only four major factors in how a guy performs: sobriety, his enthusiasm, her enthusiasm, and his energy level, and his enthusiasm often directly correlates with her enthusiasm.

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20.And again, for posterity, BALLS: what the frick do you really want us to do with them?

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Try stuff every now and then with your hands and mouth while giving oral until you find something I like.

Food
Sex
Sleep

I theorize that providing any man with these three things will make him pretty damn happy. For women, it's a much shorter list:
Ownership of things other women want.

Now, those things change and vary with time, but the basic tenet remains the same.

What say ye?

Curious about that portion of the oilfield industry today. How many landmass we got on here?

Texas A&M: Your band is the perfect example of everything a military band can and should be. The new Kyle Field is absolutely remarkable.

Alabama: BDS is a really cool stadium and looks great on TV.

Auburn: your fans are actually some of the nicest in the division, great tailgating atmosphere. Also, your offensive system is really entertaining to watch. Also, Jordan-Hare reminds me of a slightly smaller Tiger Stadium (pre- South End Zone expansion) in both looks and atmosphere. Simply an outstanding venue to watch a game.

Miss State: Your latest expansion looks really great.

Ole Miss: You have very attractive female student bodies. The Grove is a unique tailgating tradition worth being proud of.

Arkansas: I have a ton of respect for Coach BB and his offensive system. Ya'll are building a program the right way, with great play on the offensive and defensive lines. Also, your stadium experience is vastly underrated.

Network TV isn't too hot right now, but there's a few decent sitcoms on ABC with "Fresh Off the Boat", "The Goldbergs", "Modern Fmily", and "Blackish". Also, "Galavant" was money for a mini-series, which they should be bringing back.

NBC seems to have some really great horror/dramas like "Dracula" and "Hannibal". Also, they're bringing back "Heroes", but their comedies have really taken a hit lately with the endings of "The Office", "Parks and Recreation", and "Community".

CBS has tons of procedural cop shows, terrible laugh-track sitcoms, and "The Blacklist". That's about it.

FOX has "Gotham". "Sleepy Hollow" is kinda interesting, but I could never really get into it. FOX has had some really cool concepts that they've rolled out only to cancel after a couple episodes. As far as comedies, they pretty much only have the animated ones ("The Simpsons" and "Family Guy") left. Even "American Dad" has moved on to TBS). They've never really recovered on that front from when "That 70's Show" and "Malcom in the Middle" ended. That show "The Last Man on Earth" looks interesting, though.

either Parish Canebreak or Abita Purple Haze

I'm also quite fond of Tin Roof's Turnrow and Nola's Brown Ale.

I used to love Covington's Strawberry Ale on tap back when it was Heiner Brau, but the quality is exceedingly inconsistent and often poor (the biggest understatement of all time) out of the bottle.

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Been commuting to LSU and downtown for work for almost 18 years (half my life). Trust me folks, your worry or lamentations about the commute are way overblown.

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How long does it take on average? My commute is 10 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes in the afternoon, and I have to cross the Mississippi River! My coworkers who live out near you take 1-1.5 hours EACH WAY! Just think about how much extra time that is away from your family! From my house, it's not even 5 minutes to LSU, I can bike it in 15 minutes and be in front of Tiger Stadium if I want).

Just think about how many hours aggregated over a year or even a career that saves me. In one year, a 20 minute round-trip commute compared to a 2.5 hour round-trip commute would save 130 minutes/day, 10.83 hours/week, 541.67 hours/year (22.5 days/year), 9750 hours over 18 years. That's an additional 406.25 DAYS behind the wheel, away from your family. That is an entire year of your LIFE wasted in your car on the way to and from work.

You get what you pay for.