Armymann50

I HAD A 2007 LONG BED 5 SPEED loved it till some a-hole rear ended me at a stop light. I miss that truck.

:gmt:
Today in History: May 13

1110 Crusaders march into Beirut causing a bloodbath

1648 Margaret Jones of Plymouth is found guilty of witchcraft and is sentenced to be hanged.

1846 The United States declares war on Mexico after fighting has already begun.

1913 Igor Sikorsky flies the first four-engine aircraft.

1944 Allied forces in Italy break through the German Gustav Line into the Liri Valley.

1981 Pope John Paul II survives an assassination attempt.

2021 American CDC says people fully vaccinated against COVID-19 can stop wearing masks

2021 World's largest iceberg 'A-76' at 1,667-square-miles (4,320 square km) calves off the Ronne Ice Shelf in Antarctica

Born on May 13
1914 Joe Louis, world heavyweight boxing champion from 1937 to 1949.

JOTD
Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance,

Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 years old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much. “I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married.” She said, “Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis.” Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait so Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touch teasing, holding one another. As Sandy put her hands in Jim’s pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room! Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong. She said, “You told me your penis was the size of an infant!” “Yes it is: 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!”

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too cheap to worry about the hassle of returning

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you will stay poor with this aditude

bayou came out of its banks this morning

:GMT:

Today in History: May 12

1588 King Henry III flees Paris after Henry of Guise triumphantly enters the city.

1863 With a victory at the Battle of Raymond, Mississippi, Union General Ulysses S. Grant closes in on Vicksburg.

1865 The last land battle of the Civil war occurs at Palmito Ranch, Texas. It is a Confederate victory.

1932 The body of Charles Lindbergh's baby is found.

1935 Alcoholics Anonymous is founded in Akron, Ohio by "Bill W.," a stockbroker, and "Dr. Bob S.," a heart surgeon.

1940 The Nazi conquest of France begins with the crossing Musee River.

1949 The Berlin Blockade ends.

1969 Viet Cong sappers try unsuccessfully to overrun Landing Zone Snoopy in Vietnam.

2020 Russia's confirmed cases of COVID-19 reach 232,000, 2nd highest in the world, a day after President Vladimir Putin eased the country's lockdown

2020 Wuhan, epicenter of the COVID-19 outbreak, draws up plans to test all 11 million residents after it records a new cluster of 6 cases

2022 North Korea orders a national lockdown after confirming its first COVID-19 cases with the Omicron variant. International experts doubt these the first, express concern for its unvaccinated 25 million population

2023 US pandemic-era expulsion policy Title 42, which expelled most migrants, expires

Born on May 12

1820 Florence Nightingale, English nurse and hospital reformer.

1907 Katherine Hepburn, actress (The Philadelphia Story, The African Queen).

1925 Yogi Berra (Lawrence Peter Berra), baseball player and coach.

Joke of the Day
A police officer pulls over a speeding car...

The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.” The driver says, “Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.” Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: “Now don’t be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.”
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?”
The wife smiles demurely and says, “You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.”
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, “Darn it, woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?”
The officer frowns and says, “And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.”
The driver says, “Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.”
The wife says, “Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.”
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, “WHY DON’T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??”
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, “Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?”
“Only when he’s been drinking.”

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patio

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porch

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If a 200 lb man drinks four drinks (typical light beers, one per hour) over a four hour

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he is not getting laid cause he is a pu ss y

O

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k

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:gmt:

Today in History: May 8

1541 Hernando de Soto discovers the Mississippi River which he calls Rio de Espiritu Santo.

1794 The United States Post Office is established.

1862 General 'Stonewall' Jackson repulses the Federals at the Battle of McDowell, in the Shenendoah Valley.

1864 Union troops arrive at Spotsylvania Court House to find the Confederates waiting for them.

1886 Atlanta pharmacist John Pemberton invents Coca Cola.

1904 U.S. Marines land in Tangier, North Africa, to protect the Belgian legation.

1940 German commandos in Dutch uniforms cross the Dutch border to hold bridges for the advancing German army.

1942 The Battle of the Coral Sea between the Japanese Navy and the U.S. Navy ends.

1945 The final surrender of German forces is celebrated as VE (Victory Europe) day.

1967 Boxer Muhammad Ali is indicted for refusing induction in U.S. Army.

1995 Jacques Chirac is elected president of France.

2021 Tesla chief executive Tesla Elon Musk hosts "Saturday Night Live" in the US

2021 Indian Medical Association calls for a national lockdown, criticizing President Modi's government's response as recorded COVID-19 deaths pass 4,000 a day

2022 Thai government announces it will give away one million cannabis plants to households to mark new rule allowing people to grow it at home

Born on May 8
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1884 Harry S. Truman, 33rd President of the United States (1945-1953).

1969 mfiwd Lizzies husband

JOTD
A priest goes into a barbershop, gets a haircut, thanks the barber and asks how much he owes him.

The barber says, "Father, you're a holy man, a man of the cloth, I couldn't charge you, it's on the house."
The priest says, "Thank you very much" and leaves.
The next day, magically appearing on the doorstep of the barbershop are 12 gold coins.
A few days later, a minister goes in for a shave and a shine, and when the time comes to pay the barber says, "No money, please, you're a spiritual leader, a man of the cloth. It's on the house."
The next day, magically appearing on the doorstep are 12 rubies.
The following week a rabbi comes in, gets a haircut, goes to pay, and the barber says, "No, rabbi, you are a learned man, a wise man. I can't take any money from you. Go in peace."
And the next day, magically appearing on the doorstep of the barbershop are 12 rabbis.

Is that a guy?

Mango slices